Okay, where to start... Well I met my SO 3 years ago and a year later we won his 2 children back with the help of the state from the Bio mom. well, the first year was H***. I was constantly having to get onto the kids and the didn't think they should have to do anything. The SD was the worst at the time. She had to be a parent to SS and herself for a year. Not to mention I had a toddler at the time. The SO was adjusting better to that than I was with his kids. What made it worse was he felt bad for letting their mom get her hands on them, and that made it hard for me to discipline or get the backup I needed as a parent that he told me I was to be seen as. She would antagonize me to no end behind his back or when he wasn't looking then act like I was over reacting when he was getting involved. She would give me dirty looks and talk like a baby and complain about everything. She admitted to me that she would do things and blame my bio toddler for it just to get her in trouble, because she was mad.
Well flash forward a year later and I am losing my frigging mind. SD issues are worse in some ways and better in others. Like I can talk to her about her problems and give her surprises and make jokes with her. But the moment I ask her to do anything it is an argument. I ask her to clean up a mess she just made and she starts whining and arguing with me. I catch her doing something wrong and she tries to convince me that she didn't do it and ignores me telling her I saw it. I love this girl so much and yet I equally dislike her. She talks all the time and mentions random events, many she's already had conversations with us about. She talks to the point that I avoid her all together. She tattles all the time! about silly things! Things like 'he said I was stinky'. She is 9 now. Is there an age where all of this stops! Sometimes she instigates issues with me or her siblings and plays it off as she is innocent. My SO doesn't see much of the activity that goes on. He only hears when I am at my wits end. I go to school, I get them to school, I manage their school work and behavior, I make them do their chores and responsibilities, I clean the house, I make dinner. He was hurt a year or so ago and can't do some things, but he is taking it a little far. He gets an attitude when I have him do something or ask him to deal with the kids fighting or ask him to get his daughter to listen to me better and stop being such a jerk. If he had it his way, the would play all day and in his words be kids'. I am the bad guy all the time. I'm the one who makes them clean and stay on task. I get giggles when I discipline and am completely serious. They don't do that to him. SD acts like the world is ending and starts being overly loud and dramatic about a situation. Which she has told me she does because she is mad I told her to do something she doesn't want to do. Another thing is we can't tell her anything. If there is an event coming up she bugs us until it happens and stays up the night before. or if we don't tell her it is h***. She guesses or makes sarcastic remarks about the possible activity until we tell her. I don't feel like I can handle this in the way he is expecting me to all the time. It turns into arguments between us and I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried talking and being like him and I can't do it. I'm just not getting respected as an authority figure by the children. I don't want to be this mom that I'm turning into and idk how to make it better. He says it's me, well if it is then I will leave but man I am trying and losing my mind.