You are here

seeking advice and venting

confused9090's picture

Ware both in our early 30's, have spent close to 7yrs together. we lived together for 4yrs, along with a roommate (his friend) which brought a whole list of other problems. At one point however, we were engaged. Fast forward to end of 2015, he decided to open a small business without telling me, telling me that we always fought anyway, and that we weren't "together" yet we were still living together and sleeping together. Anyway, I moved out and left him after that, which was Jan 1st of 2016. (the roommate moved out a few months after i left as well) I got my own apt for 10months. He continued to stay in contact with me, and then asked me to move back, to help us both out financially (since he was now living alone and also trying to run a business/aka broke), and to work on our relationship. Once i moved back, I realized what a mistake it was. Nothing had changed, we still weren't on the same page. And I still don't trust him. He has always lied to me since I have known him. (regarding the step child situation, he was married before and has a kid he has every other weekend, I have no relationship with that).

Anyway, I have been extremely unhappy, and wish I never moved back. I told him this. He knows I want to move. He knows we are not together. He doesn't call me ever, rarely responds to any texts, he stays out all night does whatever he wants whenever he wants. We live separate lives, but I am still living with him. I pay him monthly rent money. I would have moved out already but I'm not qualifying for an apt based on my income because of the reduced hrs I have worked lately. I'm thinking of moving back in with my parents ultimately, primarily to save money. Anyway, to make matters even worse in this scenario, he has moved his mother into the house with us! The only heads up I got was when he texted me and told me 2wks prior, and just asked me if i had found a new place to live, in which i said No, and he told me he was moving his mom in because she lost her job. By the way she is only 58, has a car, and is in good health!! It's now been over a month, having her live here. And when I say live here, I mean she has completely moved in. She took over the entire kitchen, she redid the living room, she redid the backyard patio setup, made herself her own room in the spare bedroom, and she rearranged the garage. She EVEN went into my bedroom and tries to touch my boxes of my things. She eats my food, thaws the stuff I buy that I freeze, sometimes she cooks it sometimes she forgets about it, but point being she DOES NOT ASK or even care. I find this entire situation almost unbearable. I feel very disrespected. I have told my ex how wrong it is, but he will not say a single thing to his mother. She has moved in, and she is in overdrive washing his clothes, cooking ridiculously, and trying to clean all the time. She has found a part time job recently, but that's all she ever works is part time, she hasn't held a full time job in over a decade. She has no friends, no life, no goals. And now she lives with us, and is all about her son (my ex) and her grandkid. Her and I do not speak. I have no kitchen anymore, no living room, nothing. She has taken over. I plan to move asap, but I can't believe I am in this situation. To top it off, my ex still gets in bed with me, or at least tries, several times a week, and tries to have sex with me. I am so disgusted and hurt by all of this. I am living in a silent hell, where I have no voice at all in this dynamic.

I know I need to leave. I know I am being disrespected. And the way things appear, his mother is going to be living with him for a long time. She is basically a dependent of his, because she refuses to work fulltime or get jobs that are more than minimum wage. I am so dumbfounded at this situation, and anytime I have tried to discuss anything with him, he appears to get offended because it's his mother, as if she has no time limit on when she needs to leave if ever. He is manipulative.

I guess what I'm looking for is any advice...

CLove's picture

Advice: Get out NOW.
More advice: get a cattle prod for sleeping with
Even More Advice: Get a second job, if your first one is very low in hours, or start looking for a better one.

hereiam's picture

Do what you need to do to get out as soon as possible, whether that be a second job or moving in with your parents temporarily (since that seems to be an option).

sunshinex's picture

What in the hell. This situation sounds insane. Move out ASAP, even if you have to stay with a friend or your parents.

IslandGal's picture

Oh FFS!! You know what you need to do! So go do it! Find a shared apartment..rent a room..you do have options and you are not hog tied and forced to stay there..get out if there..!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Stop discussing anything with anybody.

Pack up.

Move out.

If it's into your parents place, pay them at least a nominal rent to show your bona fides and save the rest for your launch plan. If your parent's place is not available yet, move into a weekly hotel. That one week should give you enough time to find a better apartment and/or roommate using a roommate service.

Don't live like this another day. (or night!!!)