I think I hate my life

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Hi, so a little back story, me and my ex have 3 children together. Now I've been dating this new girl for roughly 8 months. She has two 2 year olds of her own. Now why I think I might hate my life, I see my kids 4 days out of the month, I know it sucks, but it's what I have to deal with for the time being; me and my kids mother get along great, we knew the relationship was a dead end and it was better to move on. Now I've been raising my kids to the best of my ability for over a year while only seeing them 4 days a month. We have my girlfriends kids every day of the month but 4 days a month they go to their fathers house. Now we do live together, i now know that was probably a mistake, but I am the only one who works. We barely get by, at the end of the month we are flat broke, my monthly income does not cover the bills, so something is always late on payments. She does not work, she is a stay at home mother, but her kids are awful, they are always up her butt, they constantly have to have her full attention. They kick and scream constantly, they do not eat dinner or lunch or anything so that tells me that while I'm at work, they just snack all day and never eat a real meal. The house is constantly trashed, which she thinks is okay because she is busy all day trying to take care of the kids. Now the one thing I am very proud of is they do have a bed time and they are usually very good at going to bed, considering when we first got together they did not have a bed time and they were up until midnight atleast every night. But let's get to the one bed issue I have, they do not sleep in their own room, they have their own room but refuse to sleep in it and she refuses to make them, she wants them to sleep right next to her at all times. I have begged her to make this change happen, but nothing so far. I've asked her to help out with bills and such, with nothing being fixed, she has had a few interviews and everything seems to go well and they always call her back in for another interview but it always it's up going cold and I never hear a word from her about it again. Now these girls do see their dad, who does not discipline them, he also only feeds them junk food, they come home from his house a mess and tires constantly and she thinks this is okay "because he's an amazing father" he also does not help with paying for anything for them, I have to not only pay my child support but I also help pay for school and such for my girls because their mother didn't get me for as much child support as she should have, (I know stupid to admit, but I do help with what I can). So on top of my obligations as a father, I seem to be "stuck" raising my children and now completley raising hers, financially and the whole nine yards. I've tried to keep my cool and be the good guy, but I'm getting very fed up. Am I wrong for feeling like my life is a disaster and hating it? I love this girl, and I love her children as if they were my own, but this is becoming a huge issue, for me mentally and financially.

I am sorry kind man, I have

I am sorry kind man, I have no constructive advise to share with you, sure wish I did.

If I were in your shoes, I would hate my life too. We all have issues, but you have way more than your fair share.

This is just too much, it's overwhelming to deal with so many issues; and, I cannot imagine these "little" problems growing into much larger "adult" problems,--in the future. Adults are harder to manage than the little ones in a step relationship, for certain. So you think you have problems now, just wait.

I can tell you are a generous soul who is only trying to make a happy life for everybody; but you are not going to be able to do this alone. You need her to be a partner with you-- in all things, to make dramatic changes. She needs to get a job and contribute to the finances immediately. There is no free ride in life; she is apparently a lazy parent and provider. That has to stop.

I hope the best for you and let your feelings guide your next steps.

You do realize that you're

You do realize that you're not stuck, right? You can walk away from this cluster at any time. You are not obligated to raise someone else's feral toddlers. And for the love of all that's holy, do NOT believe that she is using birth control. Wrap it up each and every time. She has no business being a stay at home mom when she has two kids to raise and no child support. You are her meal ticket and she may get desperate to keep that ticket if she feels you are pulling away. Condoms, condoms, condoms.

fully agree with this...

Omg, if you only hear one

Omg, if you only hear one piece of advice, hear THIS.

I agree with this and it goes

I agree with this and it goes both ways. Anytime parents split up, they lose the ability to be stay at home parents for good unfortunately. It's no ones job but theirs to raise and pay for their kids.

My husband would never entertain the idea of "staying home" for SD because he knows it's not my job to support her. He's well aware that he'll have time at home when we have a baby, because my job pays better, but he'd never even think to ask without us having a child together.

I agree with the poster who mentioned making a budget and going over it with her. Tell her you are going to need her to get a job or child support or better yet, both, so you can continue living to the standard you're living at.

Tell her it's no longer your job to make sure her kids are fed and taken care of. And start slowly backing out. If they need new clothes, tell her it's not in your budget. If they have a birthday coming up, ask her what she plans on buying for them, etc.

Excellent advice Lupa!!!!

Excellent advice Lupa!!!! Totally agree with you!!

Why are you supporting this woman to be a stay at home mom with her children?? This woman needs to get a job and pull her own weight.. meaning the responsibility of her and her kids needs to be on her. Sure you can help a little but what business does she have freeloading off you and taking advantage of your kind and generous nature? Sounds to me like you'd be better off caring for your kids and taking care of yourself and hopefully finding a women down the road that is with you because she wants to be with you.

I could have the kids more

I could have the kids more then 4 days a week if I would move to her school district; but as you can see, the finances just aren't there right now, i am very friendly, that is why me and my ex get along so well. We both were just looking to live a different life and we weren't getting along and it wasn't something we wanted to put the kids through. And when we first met, I was under the impression that she was working a full time job, but she lost it shortly after, and was living with her parents, who obviously foot the bill for her and her children. They are great people, but I now see the real woman they have raised. And yes condoms are used every time, I do not want anymore kids as of right now, but she is very pushy when it comes to her wanting to have another child, I constantly ask how she could ever even think of having another child when she cannot handle the 2 she has now. She always comes back with, "we always make it work, and they will act better"

Perfect advice.... a perfect

Perfect advice.... a perfect solution to your problem. Take it!

Oh lawd... Run. Run far and

Oh lawd... Run. Run far and fast. You were under the impression she had a full time job? And then it magically disappeared when you agreed to live with each other. I am guessing that the cohabitating was her idea. She was looking for an easy mark. And she found it. Sane women do not push for more kids when you are having trouble making ends meet. Desperate women that want to stay on the gravy train will suggest adding another mouth to feed. You are being played. How do you know? Because a group of strangers could tell that she was pushing for a baby after only reading a paragraph. There are plenty of women out there that work and raise kids. Women who don't have to live at home or off a man.

You need to get away from

You need to get away from this "pushy" lady; the wanting the child thing is a dead give-away. You have enough on your plate and she has a goal; you already have far more than you need, and staying with her is flirting with serious danger. Just saying...

Do not let her trap you anymore; I try to not recommend to anybody to move on, but maybe I do have some advise for you after all, given your last entry.

I would recommend you move on immediately away from this intolerable situation.

It's not safe when it's a

It's not safe when it's a stepfamily. Especially with stepdads involved. All it takes is one false accusation to blow up in his face. Intact families don't have to worry about that near as much, but a lot of stepkids go through periods of disliking stepparents/resenting them so it's not worth the risk.

You all sound young. If the

You all sound young. If the ex's are so amazing and everyone gets along great then you should each go back to your ex's. As you've discovered, the grass is NOT greener on the other side!!!

You love her because she's

You love her because she's generally nice to you and she's reasonably affectionate to whatever degree. But there is more to love than that and you have not examined her character. The way she lives and the way she raises her children have shown you something: that you do not have the same values.

Mister, you've only known her 8 months and you are already miserable. How do you think you are going to feel 15 years from now when those twins are snarly teen dropouts on the verge of making you a grampa? Cuz that's the track you are on.

Tell gf you love her but you don't see a future together. Tell her you've given notice to your landlord so everybody's moving out at X date. That way she knows she has to make arrangements. No sweet talking you, it's already done.

And make sure every condom you use has never left your sight. Women with an agenda have been known to poke holes in those things. Plus, ask her to use a second method as well, a spermicide or second barrier method. If she won't, self service till you're completely shot of her.

Believe what we are all telling you: you do not want a life sentence with this woman so you take the responsibility on yourself to make sure there's no "ours" baby.

'God Love Ya' said with that

'God Love Ya' said with that special intonation that Southern folk like to apply for the mentally or emotionally challenged folk in their world. Or the generally stupid.

I'm right with Granny-Goose and all the others boxing your ears, what the f*ck are you thinking?

"Love" your GF of 8/9 months as much as you want, but do not allow your own child to linger. 4 days a month/ 48 days/year. Fix that. . How embarassing: 48 days. It is insufficient for a child to learn of his dad for fewer days than you pay cable bill coverage. Dad's are important. Heck, I cannot train a horse or a dog on that schedule. Heavens, I think that I see my waxer more frequently --- seriously.

Fear losing sex/affection? Goodness, SO and I shagged twice this morning before I drove to my business. Apart, engaged, and choosing not to blend until the kids are out ... okay, well until his "moral obligations" do not impact my own boy. Bitch-hood. Fifty-something woman with a 70-something SO, who has a lot in his skill-set, so don't worry that you will never get any anymore.

Skip out/kick out, get some breathing room. Use that time not to diddle but to discover what you would like to create for yourself in the future. You KNOW this is wrong, so develop a plan. GF may be your dysfunctional 'love of your life,' but she and her kids are taking bread out of the mouth of your kid and life energy out of you. Stop it.

And don't forget "Bless your

And don't forget "Bless your sweet little heart." When I herd that out of my very southern mother, aunt, grandmother, etc... I knew I had pulled a major brain fart.

First... GO GET SNIPPED

First... GO GET SNIPPED before you get is woman pregnant! Right now you have choices. If you get her pregnant you will have very few choices.

Now for the rest. I cringe when I hear the comment " My xyz is an amazing Parent/Mother/Father." Far more often than not this comment is usually followed with a very big but followed by some statement that clearly indicates that the xyz is far from an amazing parent unless they are amazingly bad.

Fortunately you are clear that your SKid's father is not an amazing father though your GF seems to think he is. What is even more clear from your original post is that your SO is not an amazing mother and for sure is not an amazing equity life partner for you. If she were she would not be putting the support of her children on you, her own support on you, and she would be contributing to the financial picture in your relationship and making you and the relationship her priority. Kids are the top relationship responsibility but should never take precedence over the relationship at the heart of any family relationship whether blended or not.

One thing you can immediately do to adjust your own financial position is to pay only what is ordered for you to pay in your Custody/Visitation/Support CO. Paying extra though honorable is also self sabotaging. If there needs to be an adjustment in your CS obligation then get it addressed officially. Setting a precedent of paying more than your CO requires can cause you a whole lot of grief over the course of your life under a CO if your X decides to use that against you.

For your own good I would advise that you change your living arrangements as soon as possible to alleviate as much of your self induced stress as you can and put your elf in a position to transition from hating your life to loving it. Sacrificing yourself on the alter of parental and relationship martyrdom actually does no one any good .. most of all not you. Your own kids need to see their dad happy and living his live as a confident man, father, and partner If you are not in the right personal position, relationship position, or financial decision to demonstrate this for your kids then though you may think you are doing the right things ... in fact you are not doing your kids any favors either.

IMHO of course.

Take care of you. If you aren't then you aren't really taking care of anyone else either.

Women?

Women? :?

Ouch!

Ouch! :O

No worries. I just thought I

No worries. I just thought I would have a contrary moment. This is definitely an estrogen rich environment. As one of the few token testosterone participants I suppose I can be contrary upon occasion.

Thank you for all the advice,

Thank you for all the advice, I did say something about applying for jobs, she says she has applied for jobs as of Monday. But I do not believe that, I've been told that before. Money is still an issue and will continue to be, as she doesn't understand the value of a dollar, she has never had to pay bills or actually pay for anything herself. She realizes that this stuff has been bothering me, and when I sat down to talk with her, she said she knows things have been wrong but she doesn't know how to fix it and that everything will be okay. I don't think she understands how serious this is and I tried explaining it to her. I told her if she would like to continue she is going to have to move to my children's school district in order for the relationship to work, she says she won't move because of her kids and their father, but it's not that far away, so I think she's just looking for excuses since she knows that if she leaves she can't rely on her bd or her parents to take the girls whenever she wants or when she "needs a break", I don't think she's ready to handle life on her own, and at her age with 2 children already, she should be more then ready to take on life. But I did tell her there is a very short amount of time that things need to start changing to give me hope for this relationship. I cannot go any longer paying for everything and taking care of a family that isn't my blood, when the father is still in the picture and works a very good job and is capable of helping pay for his kids, as of right now I've cut off everything for her and her children, she will no longer have access to my money or the option for me to pay for things, maybe this will open up her eyes. But she does know that soon the funds will be there for me to move and start over again, thank god for tax season. So we will see how things go.

Good luck. I mean that

Good luck. I mean that sincerely. Don't be afraid to start over if you have to. A lot of us have done it more than once and we're still alive.

Good going. You have done

Good going. You have done well. You are definitely in the right. Your observation that she is not ready for adult life is spot on but please do not allow yourself to get snookered into feeling guilty, somehow thinking it's your job to teach her or take care of her till she does. NOT.

Also want to say be extremely careful now that you've given her a sort of ultimatum. I'm begging you to use 2 methods of B.C. from now on. She feels in a corner and the idea of "hooking" you for good will be strongly tempting to her. Hold fast! There really are much more mature and honorable women for you to find.

CG is right. Double up or

CG is right. Double up or abstain.

Perhaps you can apply these

Perhaps you can apply these words to your current relationship:

"we knew the relationship was a dead end and it was better to move on."

You may want to get clear about what you really want in a relationship. You jumped from your former SO and your own kids to this woman with twins. My exH did the same thing, divorced me (leaving me w/4 young kids) to go have his *freedom* then married a woman w/3 girls and divorced her too.

Oh trust me, the protection

Oh trust me, the protection is there. And really she's pretty much given up on even trying anymore. She's still talking about wanting a baby, but she should know by now that it is not going to happen. I'm giving her the chance, I think that is deserved, but she does know she doesn't get very long to start figuring it out. If this does not work out, I'm moving, already have another job lined up that I can walk into at any point, we I decide it's time to give up trying. And other people have asked, but yes, my house is in my name, it is actually owned by family and there technically is not a lease, and I can walk away at any point. And I am watching very close because lately she has been very quite, I do not believe for once second she is wanting to change, I just think she is planning a way to push me into staying. She found out today, that her parents recently let one of their relatives move into her old bedroom temporarily, so she really has no where to go (if that's even true) I'll find out more when we go to their house later this week. Again thank you for being very supportive, it's very hard to find this kind of support from friends or family, weird how the internet has changed the world and people come here to feel more comfortable talking.

I feel So bad for you! I can

I feel So bad for you! I can tell you are both young. My situation was the reverse. I was single with a 2 yr old , Went back to school, got a GOOD job, meet a guy I thought would follow my example. I let him move in, he had one dead end job after another, he was more interested in getting stoned with his buddies than working, talked me into baby #2, yada, yada, Big Mistake! That was, let's just say OBS 31, YDD25.
I know you do care deeply for her and the children, but you won't be able to save them , no matter how hard you try! It might last a year, 5yrs, even 10, but in the end you won't be happy because in her heart she believes that you will always be there and cave in to her. (FYI, Monday for a lot of places is a HOLIDAY, so looking for a job is....) PLEASE believe me, this is not the way you want to spend your like. She does just want to sponge of you!
You may just want to have a stay at home wife, and that's great, but you don't want one who doesn't keep the house up, lets kids run wild, and can't even make them sleep in there own room!( I never ever, ever let my kids sleep in my room! Didn't want to have to break the habit later, besides I like $%@&%$! )
Find someone who shares your values, ethics! And want to share in your goals, and you in hers! Everyone should have some kind of goal> It sounds like your current GF's goal is to see how much she can get from you and get pregnant by you. Trust yourself enough to go for what you deserve!

hat off to your Sir, you are

hat off to your Sir, you are taking a stand.....

See how it works out over 6 months and yes, no access to your money, you simply pay basic food etc, no clothing

Well, a little has changed

Well, a little has changed since the last time I was here. We continued to fight about money and what ever else she could think of. We just recently decided we have to move out of the house we currently have because we cannot afford it. And of course, as soon as I let the landlord know and we start getting things in order for her to move her stuff back into her parents house, she gets a call about a job, and they actually gave it to her, on top of that, she decided to finally sell all all the stuff in the house that we do not use, she made 3 months rent just off selling that stuff. I recently told her that we probably need to split up and I need to move closer to my kids, and I was offered a job where my kids live. But now that we are so close to having the house finished and everything. She is making me feel awful about leaving.... she has had a lot of issues with seizures in the past and got that under control now, but recently found out she has a tumor on her brain.... now I feel horrible about all of this and i don't know how to handle it all... she says that she's getting her stuff together, and that it figures that now I want to leave and she just got a job and all this stuff.. is it normal to feel horrible, idk if I should stay or go, or what to do for that matter...

Ah, ye olde hook, line, and

Ah, ye olde hook, line, and sinker.

Good luck, dude.

You're being used. That is

You're being used. That is not a partnership. You are not stuck and frankly, you would be foolish to continue this relationship.

Now I've been dating this new

Now I've been dating this new girl for roughly 8 months.

Which means that you should not be living together, as you barely know her. And you certainly shouldn't be supporting her.

Seriously, what is wrong with people that they need advice about situations like this? GET OUT.

It was General Hospital.

WOW this post is

WOW this post is crazy....

When is your girlfriends surgery?

See that's the thing, I've

See that's the thing, I've been to almost all of her appointments for her seizures, but I didn't go to this appointment. I haven't seen any documents on this or anything. She supposedly isn't having surgery yet because the doctor said it's to small and they want to wait 6 months or something like that and see if it grows or anything. And I got a chuckle out of all the soap opera stuff, I've never seen any of those, but this does seem like something out of a tv show. But I am going forward with this move, and I am going to accept the job. I need to be closer to my kids.

Oh I forgot to add, the

Oh I forgot to add, the doctors did mention that they needed to do a MRI but we were waiting on the insurance to approve it, I was at that appointment, and I went to the MRI, and they had another appointment to go over the results a couple days later and I didn't get to go because of work.

What kind of tumor is it? How

What kind of tumor is it?

How big? Where is it located?

She says it's the size of a

She says it's the size of a dime, and on her frontal lobe

Just a update, I ending up

Just a update, I ending up getting myself out of that situation about 6 mo the ago. It was hard and it took some time, and a cop visit to the house about every single night for a week, but that's all over with. I moved closer to my kids right after that and I've never been happier

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