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Need Stepparent Advice

BDMJ's picture

I'm currently engaged to a wonderful and amazing woman but the problem is with her kids.
She works 2 jobs to support her family and is never home leaving her sister at home to watch them, the problem is her kids are absolute brats. They never listen to anyone and they cry and pout when they are asked to do something. You can't take them out to eat because they scream and run around the restaurant and taking them to the store is equally embarrassing. The problem is her lazy sister doesn't discipline them. When the kids misbehave around their mother her sister's excuse is "Oh they're kids" and whatever my fiancee does to discipline them or whatever progress she makes with them her sister undo's.

BDMJ's picture

No not me...We have a understanding that I will not be a "dad" or "father figure" to them only a friend...as per requested by me. All she wants me to do is "Step Up" when needed, like if she's working and if it's needed to feed them, put them to bed, etc. Her sister and her are close so I doubt she's going to be out of the picture...and her sister lives with her at the moment so she's getting free babysitting as it were lol.

BDMJ's picture

Her sister will be within driving distance. And they're father is out of the picture, he abandoned them. They both will be starting school soon so I'm hoping that will help shape them up and make them more behaved. And your right, I have no idea how they'll be when I'm alone and have to feed them or put them to bed at night. Is it too naive to assume they'll grow out of it?

Thumper's picture

Why does she load them off on her sister. LET dad have the kids...Sir the old DAD abandoned them is a standard bs job especially IF she has a child support order.

But most importantly, this is about YOU.

please reconsider this marriage. Find someone who either does not have kids OR kids that have been raised by engaged parents.

What ever you do, lets say bio dad has truly flew the coop and his rights are terminated,,,,DO not adopt the kids. Be very careful too since you could be slapped with a child support order IF this marriage fails on the notion that YOU are the only dad the kids knew, you emotional and financially supported them inside the home.

be careful with this one. Track down bio dad,,,I be he has a totally different story than what your girl has told you.
AND USE Prophylactics

**I have been watching this junk unfold for 20 years**

Jsn3883's picture

You forgot to look at one huge factor in all of this. The perspective of the kids. What's best for the kids should ALWAYS take precedence. The fact that they have so called bad behavior should not be placed on someone who is not the parent. Those kids have bad behavior for obviously a multitude of reasons.... none of which began at their fault. Put yourself in their shoes. First off they DO NOT have a father.... that ALONE will trigger major behavioral problems in a child. Next their only other parent works 2 jobs. Hmmmz so the two people who should be there for those kids are not. Which leaves them now with abandonment issues and major emotional issues automatically. next comesthis man who in their little tiny minds should be or maybe could be the dad they never got to have but only one problem.... HE doesn't want to be there as a dad either! These do not have what it takes to give them the love security and nurturing that children need to grow and learn how to have "good behavior." Every one is failing them. That sister sounds like THE ONLY mature one here. If you can't take an interest in their well being and their hearts and love those kids as your own, you have NO business involving yourself in their lives. They deserve and their mom deserves a man who will love them like his own. Yeah the dad left, but their are many many step fathers who step up to that plate and raise them like their own.... THOSE are the type of men that help grow and foster positive behavior in children. You've got this all backwards.

Jsn3883's picture

You forgot to look at one huge factor in all of this. The perspective of the kids. What's best for the kids should ALWAYS take precedence. The fact that they have so called bad behavior should not be placed on someone who is not the parent. Those kids have bad behavior for obviously a multitude of reasons.... none of which began at their fault. Put yourself in their shoes. First off they DO NOT have a father.... that ALONE will trigger major behavioral problems in a child. Next their only other parent works 2 jobs. Hmmmz so the two people who should be there for those kids are not. Which leaves them now with abandonment issues and major emotional issues automatically. next comesthis man who in their little tiny minds should be or maybe could be the dad they never got to have but only one problem.... HE doesn't want to be there as a dad either! These do not have what it takes to give them the love security and nurturing that children need to grow and learn how to have "good behavior." Every one is failing them. That sister sounds like THE ONLY mature one here. If you can't take an interest in their well being and their hearts and love those kids as your own, you have NO business involving yourself in their lives. They deserve and their mom deserves a man who will love them like his own. Yeah the dad left, but their are many many step fathers who step up to that plate and raise them like their own.... THOSE are the type of men that help grow and foster positive behavior in children. You've got this all backwards.

Acratopotes's picture

"I'm currently engaged to a wonderful and amazing woman but the problem is with her kids."

no you are not, she's not a wonderful amazing woman cause she's not parenting her children...... she dumps them on her sister, who does not have kids. The sister does not need to discipline or look after the children so why are you angry that the sister is not playing mum, not her kids and not her problem, the sister is doing exactly what you are doing... why is that wrong?

Why is the children not with their father, why is she not claiming CS..... you say you will not be a father figure to her brats, who's paying for everything?

No she's not wonderful and amazing, she might be in bed but that's not what you want for a relationship, you can get that any where.....

I suggest you move out and find your own place and let your fiance deal with her life, now and again you get together for some sheet gym.

hereiam's picture

The problem is her lazy sister doesn't discipline them.

This is hilarious. Obviously, their mother doesn't discipline them, either, or taught them how to behave.

Maybe she should spend any spare time she has with her kids, instead of dating right now.

Priorities.

Rags's picture

Wonderful and amazing people do not raise toxic kids. Re-evaluate your perspective on this woman and her family since her sister is worse than she is.

Good luck.