Well that was hard...but I did it.Submitted by monkeyseemonkeydo on Tue, 01/10/2017 - 11:07am
Hard to admit as a custodial bm when you're throwing in the towel, but I just did. I hit send. I asked my ex to consider taking the boys-or at least the oldest. I have been parenting these two almost single handedly for over a decade. They are 16 and 17.5 yrs old....they need dad more then me.
DF is not capable right now of being the example they need. I'm to depressed honestly in my own life to be any good as a parent. I'm worn out, I'm tired, I'm giving up, unmotivated....they fight me at every turn.
It's his turn- for over a decade he has been the 'minimal effort' NCP- never any extended weekends, never any summer time/break time-always busy, always has things to do....never could be bothered much with his own sons. He paid CS- $500 a month, I never reviewed it. He has been hands off from day one-we split when the boys were 2.5 and 4 and I seriously have some MAJOR burn out. I'm not in a good headspace right now and I just don't have the fight left in me to go after them anymore to keep rooms clean, about grades, about not missing class, about being lazy. I think I've given up- I feel like I failed after all this hard work-perhaps it's temporary. When is it DAD's time to help teach them to be men, help shape them, help discipline and make the hard choices in life and be the 'bad guy'?
I honestly dont' feel it's in their best interest to be with me right now. And that sucks to admit.
I'll add in the last 2 years both DF and I experience tons of loss (both our dads, a pregnancy, job loss) and tooth and nail I fought through it and tried to be there for the boys. I should have asked for help then. I feel it's time though. Even with my adorable pup (whom now it seems the only thing I live for) I find I'm motivated with him but not my own kids...messed up but is what it is.