monkeyskids's picture

Do these bms not have a brain or what?

Why do bms really wonder why they have out of control kids? Ever since the divorce, bm has seen the skids as a paycheck and PASed the hell out of the kids. When sd wanted to go live with dad, bm would buy her something to get her to stay. The turned into sd manipulating and saying she wanted to go to dad's so she could get bm to do what she wanted her to do. Now, bm has an out-of-control teen who she cannot do anything about so what does she do? You better behave or I'm going to send you to live with dad. This of course works, for a few days, then sd acts out again.

We have offered to help, bm has begged us to help, but in the end, sd manipulates bm to doing what she wants to do. Yeah, I'm done bm. She's your daughter, you deal with her.

Acratopotes's picture

divorced parents hardly ever

divorced parents hardly ever worries about the children, it's more getting back at the other adult.... thus they have these little schemes etc to keep the kid on their side and at the end of the day you sit with a out of control teenager...

BM ignored Aergia for years, then she calls and promise Aergia something, designer dresses, facials, you name it, suddenly BM is tops and SO is shit..... after a month BM tells Aergia, get out of my house you only want want want and never give anything, this is if Aergia refuses to look after her siblings or if BM says NO to something she wants, then she's back with SO.... SO dotes on her and she gets what she wants, if not she says - I'm moving to BM and SO buys more... till he gets angry and tell her then go.... so the circle goes....

—

I will personally come glue your fingers together permanently - SuperJew

and that's for any stirrers

JayRay's picture

This is BM to a T. She gets

This is BM to a T. She gets easily manipulated by SS, who is only eight, and the kid is turning into a spoiled brat. He knows all he has to do is shed some tears and he gets what he wants there. It didn't used to be like this, it's only become more apparent the last year or so. Custody is 50/50 but I wonder if she has some sort of fear that he will want to come live here full time. DH and SS have a strong relationship but he has no intention or desire of trying to get full custody.

Her insecurities are stopping her from actually parenting, and it's turning SS into a brat that thinks rules don't apply to him.

—

"She thinks because his spawn slithered from it, he still cares about her skid tunnel."-Ladyface

downsouthinTX's picture

how come there are CP BM's

how come there are CP BM's who are not like that?

many people on this forum are CP BM's and SM.

were the "bad" BM's that way before the divorce? did the leopards change their spots? or maybe the behaviors are more noticeable since the men left the relationship.

monkeyskids's picture

I don't know. I've told bs15

I don't know. I've told bs15 once that if he didn't like how he was treated then to pack his shit and go live with his dad.

When bs19 was younger (13ish) he blamed me for the divorce and me for dad moving away thanks to dad telling him it was all my fault and the military's fault (orders). I flat out told him that his dad could have chosen any unit on the base we were at, his dad volunteered (volunteer unit) to go to the other coast. While it was harsh, I didn't have much choice. At 13, the boy was already bigger than I was and he was starting to get to the point of physical aggression towards me. Once he understood the whole "volunteer unit" thing his view changed.

DanielleR's picture

BM here was crazy prior to

BM here was crazy prior to the divorce. Hell, she was crazy before that but my DH is a friggen idiot. To me, you have to be crazy to seduce someone then follow them across the world to try to get knocked up by them. Some info left out incase the nutbag runs across this site (it really would give me pleasure to know her crap was out there though). Psycho twat would hang around DH when they went out as a group. She knew he had a drinking problem, brought him back to her room (military) to have sex ::gag:: The woman is hideous, but I remember how much my DH use to drink (didn't have any interest in him back then, I don't like drunks) so I am sure BM looked hot to him. DH was sent to another country, BM was to go to a different country and already had the assignment. Somehow the psycho-twat got her assignment changed to where DH was (her dad has some pull in the military). She showed up to where DH was stationed and would again, go out with the group, buy him drinks until he was beyond messed up and have sex with him ::gag:: She told him she was allergic to latex and on BC so don't worry. Yep, she was soon pregnant. I want to slap the shit out of DH everyday I think about their "love" story. DH was pissed and didn't talk to her for months. She confessed after they were married that she just wanted his baby so lied to him and then did it for skid#2 while DH was on heave psych meds. Yeah, to me only crazy people do stuff like that and marrying her gave her validation. You can imagine the games she played with the skids.

Peridwen's picture

Unfortunately the BM I deal

Unfortunately the BM I deal with is like this. Kids behave (for the most part) for us and just flat out ignore BM to the point where it's embarrassing. Every couple of years BM will ask DH what his secret is to make the kids listen, and he's told her. He's consistent. His warnings to the kids are a countdown from 5. If he gets to 0 there's a consequence and there is no negotiation. He purposely set it up that way so he can't give the kids more chances ( Johnny, I'm going to count to 5. 4...5... Johnny you need to listen...6...7...don't make me go to 10 etc).

BM's response is ALWAYS (and I use always purposefully) "Well aren't you the perfect parent!" Stomp off in the other direction.

So...yeah, BM brings it on herself. Both kids openly admitted in front of their therapist that they don't listen to BM because "Mom will give in if we wait long enough." BM's response was that it's difficult being a single mother and she doesn't have time to wait them out. Puzzled Yet you have plenty of time to complain that the kids don't listen to you. And even the therapist telling her flat out that she needs to take parenting classes and stop giving in didn't change her mind. At this point DH has thrown up his hands and said he can only deal with the kids on our time.

LadyFace's picture

I doubt very much that

I doubt very much that Succubus wonders why her kids are messed up failures. She blames it all on DH.

—

Keep on keepin' on!

sunshinex's picture

Fortunately BM only sees SD a

Fortunately BM only sees SD a couple times a year for a week or so each time, but she sure manages to do her damage during those times. She lets SD, who's only 5, get away with everything and anything. Let's her stay up all night, lets her each takeout the entire time, if she's told to do something but doesn't want to, she cries and BM lets it go. She runs the house when she's there, so when she gets home, she tries the same thing here and is quickly shut down and reminded that things are different here. Then the "I want to go back to mommies" starts up because we have rules and she doesn't.

It sucks. It's going to do NO favours for SD as she gets older. And honestly, I told DH last night that if this behaviour she has every single time she comes home from BMs impacts our future child in any way whatsoever, i'll lose it on BM and tell her to get her shit together and act like a parent. lol. She's a great kid 99% of the time... it's just for a few days after she comes home from visits and they're the worst.

mustang2008's picture

Most CP BM's are exactly like

Most CP BM's are exactly like that. I agree with LF they do not do much self reflection on the issue of their kids.

They either view the kids and their positive behaviors as a positive reflection on them and their parenting or they view their kids and their negative behaviors as a negative reflection of their father.

I would love to see a CP BM say that their child is very smart and the child got that from their father Smiling

downsouthinTX's picture

i read an article this past

i read an article this past year that said kids get their brains from the mother...or more of their brains from the mothers DNA.

Gimlet's picture

Not true, and why reading the

Not true, and why reading the actual paper/research is so important. The source should be a peer-reviewed paper, and even then it needs to be repeatable, reproducible, and robust. Don't let "news" agencies translate the results for you, they tend to go with what will generate clicks.

http://www.snopes.com/intelligence-is-inherited-only-from-your-mother/

—

"I'd rather have sex with a cactus." - Aniki

"I've figured out people tell you take the high road because that's easier than it is make the assholes behave." - FruitSalad704

"Steplife is transformative. Sort of like a crematorium, lol." - exjuliemc

Acratopotes's picture

Gimlet - this is all bull

Gimlet - this is all bull crap///

Deigma got all his brains and intelligence from his father, cause I have all my brains still and am more intelligent then Deigma.... Deigma got my looks cause since he was born I went from gorgeous to old hag and he's the young fresh face Eye-wink

—

I will personally come glue your fingers together permanently - SuperJew

and that's for any stirrers

DanielleR's picture

We have numerous pages, some

We have numerous pages, some typed by BMs lawyer blaming DH for skid's issues. She even had a counselor type up a letter saying, BM brought kids here for issue related to their father abandoning them. The psycho twat is very disconnected from reality- that isn't a diagnoses, that is something the counselor was told to put on a paper by a person giving her business. She thinks since she got the counselor to put that on paper then it is true. She truly is a nutter and I don't see how the skids are going to navigate the world with her guidance. Real reason per the counselor is the youngest is not listening at home and oldest is having anxiety. Eh, I did too when I lived with my crazy mom.

BM use to call DH and blame everything on him, telling him the skids needed their father and in the same conversation tell him he needed to pay more CS and no, she would not work with his work schedule for visitation. Tell me that is not crazy? I coached DH on how to put the psycho twat in her place so she is pissed she no longer has control of him, her response? Exactly like I told DH, she turned the skids against him. Typical story, if she can't control DH with skids then she will make them all hers and have them believing how evil daddy is. Oh well, I'm not having some psycho invade my home and that is pretty much what I told DH. I am the breadwinner and have daycare/school/etc set up so I don't need help with my kids. He knows damn straight I will move out and not look back if I want to. If BM wanted to act normal and facilitate a normal father-child relationship, great, not a problem. But I will not deal with harassment and power struggles in a home that I mostly pay the bills for. No man is worth that.

Oh and to BM the sun rises and sets with skids. The world adores her little clones, they are just the most wonderful, beautiful children that ever graced this earth. Reality- DH's family members have talked behind his back about how rude and self centered skids are. They hate being around them and their immediate description of skids is-weird and they are turning out just like their crazy momma. And unfortunately, they look just like BM.