StepStella's picture

I did not sign up for this did I?

Hello gang... I have spent the last hour reading your posts and feeling like I have a new family in you all... the suffering doesn't need to be alone or in silence anymore. Thank you all for that.
To be honest I am at such a state with these skids and BM that I am almost afraid to be specific due to being found out for venting about their retched-ness. Sigh... I will try not to get found out...

I have been a SM for 6 years SS27, SD25, SD19, and SD16... I have two of my own but they are awesome (and sometimes sh*ty but they are mine so nothing I can't handle).
The Skids are in my everyday life way more than I ever bargained for... and at this point I am honestly feeling like being unmarried single mom would be way more fun and easy than all the crazy crap that comes with loving and being with my DH.

In my Skids old lives they were spoiled rotten, entitled, Prince and Princess'. The divorce messed them up thanks to BM openly blaming DH for everything and implicating me (there was absolutely no overlap what so ever but we all seem to need to blame someone).

SD19 lived with us for 4 years and it was exhausting due to BM mostly giving up on her and me picking up all the slack like a rockstar! She has a LD that isn't obvious so everyday interactions tend to be fruitless and any instruction is misinterpreted and not followed.
SD16 is the most spoiled and the biggest liar in history and BM thinks she is an angel. Last summer proved us right but alas BM is still desperate to do anything to make SD16 happy. We are mean jerks.
SS27 has been living with us for over a year and a half (I thought we would never see him... certainly not have him living with us).
and SD25 is renting our basement suite and is lovely but hardcore religious... and that is a whole other story.
I will post some examples... I need to get SS27 dinner on the table!! yeesh!
(I hate how uncomfortable I feel in my own home).

SuperJew's picture

Why do you have so many grown

Why do you have so many grown ass adults living in your home?

—

"u ashole u think ur new condo is so great..." -Medusa via WOB

ybarra357's picture

I need to get SS27 dinner on

I need to get SS27 dinner on the table!! Wait, what??? I can only hope you're joking. I agree with the above poster. WT fresh F??

keepitsimplestupid's picture

Same question: why are the

Same question: why are the adult skids still living there? And why do you have to get dinner on the table for a 27 yo GROWN MAN!?

There's no need to feel uncomfortable in your home, as long as you're willing to take the reigns and run your home in a way that makes you comfortable.

Do these adults have launch dates? Jobs? Pay rent? Help around the house? All of this should be in place, especially the launch dates.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Please tell me that I

Please tell me that I misunderstood - did you say you have to get SS27's dinner on the table? If I understood correctly is there some reason he can't get his own dinner?

StepStella's picture

Ha ha ha You guys are

Ha ha ha You guys are awesome!!
Yes... I was kidding but not really. my DH and I made dinner every night for whom ever is in the house that night having dinner with us. My 2 kids are there usually... but we are in a new custody situ with them so now one week on one week off.. (whole other but good situ).
Soooo... Prince SS27 has been enjoying our beautiful homemade meals for a year and a half. We took him in because he was trying to finish his two year College program and couldn't afford to pay rent. So we let him stay until school was over (tho this was not set out clearly... We just assumed he would go after grad).
He stayed due to having no money... so we told him he must work ASAP and pay rent ($200/mo to sit on his a**, eat our food and watch our tv).
He got a job but the commute was killer 60min drive to "the city" mon-fri... but the city is too expensive to live. So we drove him most days as we work there most days between us and it was sweet for him. We moved at one point thinking he wasn't coming with us.. but he did and crashed in the "family" room for 3 months... Still not making enough money to move on... I insisted he get out of thefamily room... so we put a bunk in my DS9 bedroom and they have been sharing a room since Sept. (this is not a joke). My DS9 is ok with it... he likes his SB but he would like some more space to play his lego...
SS27 has been out of work since Dec... and claims to be working on his own business and won't get a normal job in the mean time...(I know I know)
My kids DD11 and DS9 empty the dishwasher, clean up after themselves nad do the kitty litter, and sometimes make tacos on taco night... SS@& has to be begged to do anything and when we give in and beg.. he is resentful. You don't need to waste your time and type telling me the SS27 needs to get a life and get the h*ll outa my house! this we know.
But for some shocking reason... DH and BM tip toe around their son and his every whim.
We are finally near a breaking point... as he reports to BM whenever we say or do anything in the privacy of our own home that he may disagree with (we even edit ourselves and our behavior around him and we are not doing anything wrong!!) Enough is long passed enough... this guy has got to go. So with luck he will be gone by the end of Feb... but I am sure not without some blowup and drama... I will keep you posted.
I have three other skids that are a whole other mess...
so fun!

SuperJew's picture

That would be it. "SS, you

That would be it. "SS, you are not paying rent, you are taking up space and you are reporting my private matters from my private home to another adult. Please find another place to park in the next 30 days. Thanks!"

—

"u ashole u think ur new condo is so great..." -Medusa via WOB

still learning's picture

Forget trying to get him to

Forget trying to get him to be responsible, send the man baby to his mother to enjoy.

—

And now I'll do what's best for me.

StepStella's picture

... the SD25 is getting

... the SD25 is getting married in June.. so she will be gone... And she is paying appropriate rent. We also have some sticky messy religious crap to deal with (no offense at all to you all... this isn't normal loving Christian stuff... it is a whole other kind of faith that affects us as well).
No actual Launch date... it keeps changing... and brilliant BM doesn't have room in her home for him... sigh...
We are gonna have to get serious here... my DH has been the a**hole in his family because he has had rules and expectations but BM doesn't and thinks he is mean... so that was how they parented for 20 years... and I am stuck with the aftermath.
The one good thing for sure is that from what I have learned and seen from the Skids... I am setting up my dear children to not be like their steps.. and be high functioning kind useful members of society.

still learning's picture

I'm sure BM has a couch he

I'm sure BM has a couch he can crash on Evil

—

And now I'll do what's best for me.

DanielleR's picture

brilliant BM doesn't have

brilliant BM doesn't have room in her home for him

Buy the adult a sleeping bag and send them packing. No room my butt.

IslandGal's picture

Geez..I had to read your post

Geez..I had to read your post a few times..3 adults..3 ADULTS living in your home. Maybe turn it into a BnB and charge daily rates..at least you'd be getting something out of it.

There is no way, no how, in any way, shape or form, would I be serving food to a 27 yr old. My BS just turned 18..he would never expect me to wait on him! Hell he'd freak out if someone even suggested that to him.

I recommend those adults be given a strict deadline to move..doesnt matter where they go..time to put on their independent hats and get the eff out. If they refuse..bags packed and off they go to BM.

—

Skid: Children are the future!
Me: Adults are the present..without them, children have none!

ybarra357's picture

"so we put a bunk in my DS9

"so we put a bunk in my DS9 bedroom and they have been sharing a room since Sept." Maybe this is just me, but I find this wrong on so many levels...

keepitsimplestupid's picture

It isn't just you...

It isn't just you...

StepStella's picture

agreed! on all the levels...

agreed! on all the levels... He isn't a pedo in the least though... I ma not concerned about him that way... or even being a bad influence on my DS9... He is just an unmotivated, spoiled slob.

Evil3's picture

He is a bad influence,

He is a bad influence, because he's demonstrating to your DS that it's OK to be 27 and mooching off of parents. It's one of the reasons I wouldn't allow my SS25 to come with us when we moved. I didn't want my DD16 to think that lifestyle was OK.

keepitsimplestupid's picture

OP, you've been a SM for 6

OP, you've been a SM for 6 years. So, either they moved into your home while you were married - and you didn't say no. Or, they were there when you married and are still there - and you still haven't said no. Either way, two of them were already grown by the time you married, and they're living under your roof.

Honestly, you're making the living situation so nice and comfy for them, why WOULD they move out? A ride to work every day, no rent to pay, hot meals on the table. Geez, does anyone change their diapers, too?

If you want this to change, you need to make living there SUCK for them. If it doesn't absolutely suck, they'll continue to stay there. Charge a rental fee high enough that he thinks that he can live elsewhere for the same amount of money and have some peace and quiet in his life.

Your SS should be cooking meals FOR YOU as part of his 'staycation' fee. He should be cutting the grass, shoveling snow, paying rent, cleaning the house and generally kissing your ass for the privilege of living under your roof.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Welcome. Now omg barf. WTF is

Welcome. Now omg barf. WTF is wrong with your dh? Why does HE tolerate this?

I don't give a chit what his ex-wife says or what trouble she stirs up. At 27, that man troll can handle his own drama with his own damn mama.

Does this overgrown adolescent have any longing for a girlfriend? Cuz I don't see the wimmins linin' up to romance a guy who lives in a bunk bed racer car with a 9 year old. Does he wear SpongeBob jammies, too? OMG. Just barf.

—

Schikdrenwhuch: Hansel and Gretel Blue Plate Special. -- Taushalove

I could smell the GUBM sulfur spewing from her cloven hooves eons ago. -- Ladyface

SugarSpice's picture

i think you will find you

i think you will find you have a lot to learn here and a welcoming space!

Acratopotes's picture

Welcome... you are a good

Welcome... you are a good woman, no way in hell 3 adult kids will be living in my house....

oh hell NO......

you have 2 options,

1. give them all notice, SD is leaving in June right, SS and all other adult kids will leave at the same time
2. rent your own little flat or cottage and stop contributing anything to the house with the adult skids sponging off you....

—

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

StepStella's picture

Thank you all so much...

Thank you all so much... Launch plan in place!