I am a biological mother of two daughters my oldest has ADD and ADHD. In 2015 I met the love of my life who has two biological sons himself also with ADD & ADHD. We currently have three of our children living with us and his youngest son also has PTSD due to his mother and her ex-husband doing drugs in front of him and not caring for him the way they should have. He was made to stand in a corner with his nose to the wall for hours on end, since my fiance was in the military his son was then put into foster care living with his grandma for several years. As of this past June my fiance was granted placement and his youngest son has been living with us ever since and we couldn't be happier about it. I was just recently granted placement of my oldest daughter due to her dad and step-mom unable to care for her correctly, this is something that I have been wanting for years so again another thing we couldn't be happier about. These two kids are both 12 years old and basically have the same issues and are now under the same roof and are having extreme difficulties getting along. My soon-to-be step son is very destructive and pushes his siblings around all the time. He also does not follow directions given by myself and struggles with school. His dad is doing the best he can but only has about two years of parenting experience due to being in the military for years... so he is not only trying to make up for lost time but also trying to make up for the extremely bad childhood his son had to endure during the very early years of his life, unfortunately he does remember every single moment of what he was put through while he lived with his mom. I realize I am not his mom and I'm not even his step mom yet but he is extremely disrespectful to me especially when his dad is not around... I love him just as much as I love my biological children but I will no longer tolerate him being destructive to the home that I just purchased, not following simple directions and responsibilities and also failing almost every class in school. I am not strict by any means however he is used to living with his grandma where he was basically able to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and now he actually has to abide by a certain set of rules that all the other kids must abide by but he is retaliating every step along the way. I need some advice as to how to get through to him how to respect me how to respect others or he will not grow up to be a productive member of society and with him turning 13 this year I am losing time fast and don't know where else to turn to. His dad does back me up for the most part but sometimes he does hinder things because he can be tough but he can also be a huge goofball and his son follows most things his dad does however he only follows the goofball parts of his dad and not the serious parts of his dad. His dad is a complete workaholic and has a very good work ethic whereas his son only cares about himself he's very selfish and only enjoys sitting in front of a TV or playing video games. When I try telling him I want time to myself and he's unable to play video games he has absolutely no idea what to do he has plenty of toys Legos games Pokemon cards etc... I can't even tell him to go play with his siblings because everything must be his way and doing what he wants to do or he gets enraged. He has now taken several things of mine without asking and has destroyed them without a care in the world. I understand he has been through a lot in his short life but trying to get him to grow up and be responsible and to get him ready to be a productive member of society so he's able to keep a job when he's old enough and do something with his life is going to prove to be very difficult if he doesn't change things around for himself now and being respectful to adults mainly women in authority. I would really appreciate any and all advice anyone has for me regarding this situation seeing as how I have absolutely no one else to reach out to in this situation.