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DH lost it

iamlosingit's picture

My dh is "losing his mind" (his words) and says he wants to be committed. We are on a cell phone plan together in my name. Didnt realise this might not be the best idea at the time, but he has a lot on his credit both on his own and from his previous relationship, so I thought it would help if I put the cell phones in my name. We both purchased cell phones with our new plan, the cost is spread out over 2 years added to our bill. Not extravagant phones by any means but we didnt have the money up front to get them. Since I pay the bill every month he would just subtract his portion from the rent and we were even. Rent is split 50/50, utilities, etc. The last three months however I couldn't help but notice he wasn't paying his phone bill. This wouldn't be that big of a deal but he broke his phone that I was still paying on and decided to get a new phone and just "add it to our bill". Now I am paying for 3 phones and he still isnt contributing. Recently we have been receiving a lot of things in the mail for ss for christmas. We both buy gifts for ss, but so far he has spent about $300 and I haven't received anything for bills. He told me he paid off his phone and got another one, company just informed me today he didn't and now I am paying an extra $30 for his line alone.
I tried to bring our mutual bills to his attention tonight (NOT the gifts, but the fact that I just paid the phones again and we have other bills due) and he went nuts. Said he was out of beer (another thing he always has $ for) was going to drink whatever he could find in the house (which was nothing) Said that we are going to downgrade to a studio apartment, he is going to sell his vehicle (payments are about $400/month) cut down to 40 hrs a week, and that I am "the f'ing breadwinner and need to "take care of everything" because he can't do it, and take care of ss tonight because he's not doing anything and its my problem, smashed a glass on the kitchen floor, yelling as soon as I got home. I hadn't even been home from work for a half hour and we have ss this weekend and this is what I come home to. He called his mom and she messaged me out of the blue and told me I need to be more understanding about what he is going through.(?) Wtf do I do? He said he hates how the world is run and will not get a corrupt job that screws people over and since I make more money its my job to fix "our" problems. I might make a few dollars more an hour but I also work 57+ hours a week because I don't have to leave work for visitation like he does. I don't know how I am supposed to respond to this. We didn't have anything in the house for him to drink, the behavior doesn't make sense. I'm so confused and tired, what can/should I do?

BethAnne's picture

Go and book yourself into a hotel room for the night or go to a friend's place. Take clothes for work tomorrow and wait it out until he calms down.

Miss T's picture

Not much to respond to, here. Get thee to an Al-Anon meeting. Consider dumping him--you can see the problem, no?

yolo222's picture

He needs money for beer and will drink whatever he can find in the home?? Sound like he has a drinking problem. Not someone I would personally want to stay with. Honestly I don't see him changing. Do u want to continue to live like this? That's for u to decide.

SMforever's picture

If you do decide to leave, make sure you take him off your phone bill if possible or you'll be solely responsible for all the costs he runs up on it. If you are stuck in a 2 year plan you can't reverse, at least put a note on the account to not renew it without your permission. This guy is using you and you know it's not going to get any better. Just calmly make an exit plan and don't stress yourself by fighting with him any more. You should not be the sole breadwinner when he has baggage to support as well as himself.

Thumper's picture

Your husband has told you what he wants. He said he wants to be committed.

CONTACT his 'mommy' and police. He may need help. A 72hour visit and evaluation could benefit him greatly.

Do not take his words lightly.

Please let us know how you are.

Rags's picture

How to respond? I would consider rekeying the locks if I were you. Someon like your DH is not someone I would invest much more in making a life with.

Take care of you.

iamlosingit's picture

He does this every couple of months, he makes sure ss is never in the room. Overheard him talking to his sister and apparently he is $6-700 in debt this month. He has a small inheritance and is pulling his cs from that this month and informed me the money would be gone by summer and threatened to return my christmas gifts. I replied "oh I'm actually in the budget?" (STUPID to say I know...I was mad) We have been together over 6 years, since the wedding took place it's like I'm seeing the "no filter" side.

iamlosingit's picture

He paid to have his resume redone and seems to think things are looking up. I'm getting whip-lash from these mood swings.

Powerfamily's picture

Google "cycles of abuse".

If he was like this all the time you then you would leave. But he clever enough not to be, so he nice to you, then he starts the nasty treatment slowly getting nastier and nastier until he blows, then he starts reeling you back into the nice side.

ctnmom's picture

WOW he doesn't like his cash cow talking back now does he? You need to get out of this yesterday, he has the potential to be violent.