Regardless of BMs dellusions the fact is that they are "your girls".

As is fairly regular advice in these situations... "ignor the whore".

Why not just write "the girls" or "the boys" or "the kids". That way their is no "ownership" in there - you are not separating the kids into steps or bio, most people are going to figure out they are not random neighborhood kids and you avoid the drama?

My ex gets mad still if I refer to BS10 as "my" son, as he says he is "our" son, part of his control issues, so I just refer to him as BS10. Not letting ex win, just avoiding the issue, and frankly my life is far easier avoiding thinking of it as a battle with winners and losers, in my mind I win if I avoid dealing with ex!

I call my female friends "my girls".

Seriously, learn to ignore BM. She gets no say over you. None, nada, zip.

I choose not to post anything on Facebook that refers to my sd as I do not want to deal with drama from BM causing a fuss. Of course she feels a need to get defensive she feels like you take her position and that you are trying to usurp her role in her kids life. Even you admit that the step mom stuff is all private. So to BM this is you taking her kids and claiming them as your own. Admittedly this is pretty insecure of her but it is not an unusual or unexpected sentiment for her to express. If you do not like the drama then avoid referring to them as 'my' kids anywhere that BM can see or anywhere that it might get back to her. Plenty of alternatives have been suggested above. If you are not fussed then just ignore her.

As I said on the other post, which seems to have disappeared (?) I have no idea why women get their panties in a bumch over this. EVERYONE knows who "the mother" is and I highly doubt ANYONE is sitting around thinking that some BM suddenly terminated her parental rights by a SM saying "my."

I really don't get that.

On occasion, Money-Ka will refer to her kids and my kids and "my family" or "my kids" and I couldn't care less. I am not the least bit threatened by that kind of thing.

I post nothing about my skids, but that's because I don't like them and they are nasty (not KK, although lately he is having his moments, too).

OP - block her. Problem solved. Also, it seems your husband has a good handle on how to handle the BM. Follow his lead

I think that you did nothing wrong in referring to kids as "my girls". If you had them on vacation as a family then in that particular instance they WERE your girls. As long as your SDs and DH are on board with your thinking then kodos to you!

BM had nothing to do with the situation therefore her opinion is of no value. Bio-parents who are so insecure that they cannot handle more than one female parent figure in their kid's lives need help.

Some people here believe that step parents should not think to offer opinions, help, or any form of participation with the Skids. Is that right? Maybe in some situations but not in all. Each step family has it's own dynamic and it's up to us as step parents to figure out and find our place. Whether it is disengagement or an active part in the stepkid's lives, as long as it works for your family dynamic who care what others think.

As long as your stepdaughters are receptive to how you view them...I would not change a thing.

Pretty much what WalkOnBy said. Sometimes I do the same but I raise SS14 365 days per year. His mum lives in another .country and her entire contribution to 'help' raise her own son is a 5 minute video call per week. I am his mother role/role model/figure/whatever label suits. Even when I'm not as involved I'm still 100% more involved than BM2 will ever be.

On the other side of the coin, my exH now has a fiancée that is absolutely, hands down BRILLIANT with my BS16. And I am thankful every day for her and how well she treats my son. If she ever posts or refers to my BS16 as her boy or son or family then go for it. I know I'm his mother and it's not a threat or a challenge and I am truly grateful she's in his life.

So, in summary...ignore the whore

Block her.

I've got nieces, daughters of friends, great-nieces, and neighbor kids who are "my girls." So what.

Occasionally I refer to my skids as "our kids." A complete genealogical chart is not appropriate in every situation.

Once in awhile a waitress will turn and ask, "and for mom?" Even my teen sd who hates me doesn't bother to correct her.

DW always says "our" girls, and when you back me into a corner and the welfare of my SD's are at risk, they are "MY GIRLS", I have taken care of them for the majority of their lives, and it might not say so on paper but it's true.
( When I'm ticked at them they are "Her Kids" lol )

Humans aren't to be owned, they are to be loved so the more people that love your kids I would say the better off your kids will be. BM that get jealous about stupid little things like you are posting about need to step it up or they wouldn't be worried. I had step moms and I know that no matter what they did or how much I loved them they could never be or replace my mother.

We often see step parents on here questioning why kids still love their parent even when they know that parent is a loser and this is the same point. No matter how shit*ty your parent is OR how great your step parent is they can NEVER replace your own parent. IMHO a parent should be more secure in their role with their child instead of causing crap over their own insecurities.

Cant say I dont blame her for being furious.

Its the only way she can exert control. It makes them feel powerful and that she is over you in 1 area, her kids.

I've been with DSO for 10.5 years. He and BM split up a little over 11 years ago. BM moved in a guy and DSO filed for divorce. BM lost custody 6.5 years ago when she punched SD in the face.

She actually put on facebook a few weeks ago 'what man picks his piece of ass over his own kid'. SS17, in 5 days, lives with BM, long story. SS wanted to come spend the nite with DSO during the week and my gson13 was there so I could help him with homework. I won't allow SS and Gson to be together bc SS has violent issues and has bullied Gson for years.

In a world where people are calm, sane, rational and pleasant to start with... your BM is bonkers. Actually, probably in all worlds. But that being said, if that kind of stuff bothers her, block her so she doesn't have to see it. I know you didn't intend to claim 'ownership' of the girls, but your BM interpreted it that way - which says a lot about her mindset towards her children. And so block her.

They are just words. BM's insecurity as her mom is why she reacted the way she did to that post. If you didn't intentionally mean to offend then you owe BM nothing. Ignore the Whore and block her. Don't just not be friends, be proactive and block her and any family memeber of hers or DH that would share your information. She can't see your profile if she's blocked. Some BMs, like my SS's mom, go out of their way lurking to get their feelings hurt just so they can throw a fit and get some attention. Ignore it. You know who she is, you know who you are and her daughter know each role you both play in her life. BM can worry about her own perspective and no amount of "Sorrys" or "Get over its" is going to make her actually get over it so stop playing the game. You can either stop posting pictures or stop caring what BM thinks about said pictures. I do the latter. I don't give a f^ck what BM has to say about my life or the things I choose to share on social media because her feelings aren't my problem and I don't live my life to please her--that being said I don't go out of my way to oftend either. I'm not posting selfies with SS tagging him "my boy" but if I have a great pic of SS with BS (and there are many) I post them and tag DH (BM can see DHs stuff but not mine).

BM here HATES it when I call myself the skids stepmom. Her rational is that I didn't raise the skids (they were 18 and 15 when I met them) and so I am in no way shape or form a parent figure.
Which is true. However, it's a label, it's a way for everyone to know where we fit in our family.

I don't care what BM thinks and call myself stepmom all the time. Occasionally I'll get a message on FB telling me to stop overstepping boundaries and that I'm Not their stepmom but I just ignore her.

I'm sure the skids get an earful from her but since they are adults SD(27), SS(25) and we have a good relationship she can rant at them all she wants.
When we are out, they introduce me as stepmom.

I was an extremely successful professional woman with an MBA from a top business school by 30. This was 40 years ago when most of my friends did not have careers.

Many of my friends with daughters went out of their way to have their daughters spend time with me. I used to have them for overnights, etc. I loved that they shared their children with this childless woman. And they loved that their daughters had a professional role model in their lives. And some of these were divorced women.

I'm so glad that they were not so possessive and insecure that they went bat sh*t crazy over their children having another woman in their life.

Believe me - children know who their mother is. There is no usurping the bio mother unless it is a totally off the wall case like BSGOINON's SS and his meth whore mom.

No matter how much fun I had with these children - the children, their mothers and I always knew that Mom ruled. I think it's shallow for a parent to not want others to care for their child. It's better than having people who hate the kid.

I don't think I would contact the BM that way

She is clearly the one with the problem, obviously insecure and competitive, so I would just leave it be

As far as calling your skids your kids, this was exactly what my own SF did when I was growing up. He referred to my sisters and I as "his girls" and we while we loved it, my bio dad would go off the deep end over that

From my father's stand point, my Mom cheated on him and left him, and was trying to replace him as our father with her new husband. And he was right. But my SF was not trying to cause an issue by referring to us as his girls, it was simply his way of communicating that we were his kids/step-kids, didn't matter to him we were family and WE mattered to him. Much like you think of your skids

So not sure if your referring to your skids as your kids is adding to the problem or not, but I would think if BM2 were a good Mom she would be pleased that you were caring for her children and that would matter most.

How do your kids feel about it?

I ask because not only did my own father not like my SF having anything to do with raising any of us, but my step-sister was also pretty resentful of my SF calling us "his girls" and his involvement in our lives. To this day my step-sister says that her father was a much better SF to us, then father to her

I'm not sure if my response helps you...I just thought maybe offering some insight from another angle might help

Really...."eye roll"....the BM needs to get a life and stop stalking her ex's life on FB. The BM must have some huge insecurities to ge so upset about something so trivial. Who gives a rats a$$ if she said "my girls" . A normal person would be happy someone loves and adores their kid.