cut SD from your finances, if she's rude to you, take control sir.... be rude right back...

If she says - you eat noisily - answer with at least I paid for the food and do not sponge off my mother... (e.G.)

come on you are an adult, surely you know ho to handle a 19 year old brat.... stop being nice, if your wife does not like it, smile and say - you had enough time to change your daughters behavior but instead you allowed her to treat me like shit, now I will teach her manners, if you don't like it... maybe you should find alternative accommodation

We each train the others in our lives how to treat us. Since your bride has proven herself a failure as a parent as far as garnering tolerable behavior in her female spawn it is time for you to man up, grab a big hand full of man sack, and set both your DW and SD-19 straight on how you will be treated and addressed by SD-19 going forward. Inform her that she is now on zero tolerance double secret probation and one single slip up will ger her evicted.

Make sure to inform your bride that she had her chance and now SD is one lippy commnet, roll of the eyes, heavy sigh, cringe, or ... from taking up residence under the nearest highway overpass.

Zero tolerance. Give this toxic POS kid clarity.

double secret probation , awesome Rags, Belushi would be proud !!!!!

If your wife can't or won't see it, you will have to stand up for yourself and insist on being treated fairly.

You could actually sit down with the little princess and have a heart to heart about all this. She is most likely uber pissed her mom hooked up and is just being a petulant brat.

I would tell the kid the following.

SD19, Your mother and I are married and love each other. We all are living in this house together and whether we like each other or not, everyone is to be treated with respect. If you can't muster up respect for me then you can begin making plans to move elsewhere because I am DONE being a doormat. If you have a problem with the person your mother picked or the fact that your mother is with anyone at all, you needs to take it up with HER... and quit punishing me for something that isn't my fault.

I would tell her mother the following:

Honey, maybe you don't notice it..or maybe she is reserving her comments for when you aren't around, but if you won't call your daughter on her disrespectful treatment of me, I am going to do it. If she can't behave in a civil manner, then she can go to her room.. and ultimately move elsewhere. If you have a problem with this, talk to your daughter.

If you don't want to lose your wife, go ahead and tell her how serious the situation is for you. Maybe she'll fix it.

In any case, you wouldn't take this behavior from somebody else, would you? This girl's a legal adult. Why let her get away with it? You don't have to ask permission from her mommy for anything you do or say. And mommy cannot protect her from you anyway.

Tell her adults who are unhappy with their residence change it. So she can find another residence or she can conform to the CCRs of this one. You remember CCRs, right? Those are the rules that closed communities set up. So enforce yours or evict her.

If wife blows up she can leave, too.

I would start being disrespectful to her in front of her mother. DH wouldnt say it if she thought her mom would interject. Makes me feel your DW talks ish about with the kids.