SF's lament: Overheard at fast food joint
While eating lunch today, I overheard the conversation of a guy at the next table and the friends/coworkers he was with.
Long story short, he is the stepdad to a male skid about 19/20 years of age. He's been in the SS's life since he was a small child, and has essentially been the "dad" to him.
The SS evidently is fairly intelligent and had been nominated and accepted into one of the military academies. This is no easy task since it is highly competitive and those who are chosen get a college education (including room & board, medical, etc.) and an officer's commission upon graduation. They also get a guaranteed good-paying "job" since they will need to serve in the military for several years upon commissioning.
After the guy explains all this, he then goes on to say that that unfortunately, his SS got kicked out after his first year because ... (drum roll) he spent all his free time playing video games! SS got to the point where his GPA was so bad it was virtually zero. Intelligent, maybe - common sense? Zilch!
The SF went on to explain that he was coaching the skid and encouraging him to try and re-apply again, even though the odds were highly against it. In the meantime, SS sits around the house .... (drum roll) playing video games! No wonder the SF is helping SS reapply - he probably sees this video-addicted leech hanging around forever.
I just thought this was an interesting tale to overhear. I can only imagine some of the conversations that have happened between the BM and the SF. }:)
I cannot understand this type
I cannot understand this type of parenting at all; when I go serious crazy my daughter knows--she will reexamine self, no excuses. When it comes to her being a productive, contributing citizen in this world, I really do not care if she or anybody else likes it...My job is to make her successful and independent. I cannot throw in the towel--- because I am her mother; she is my heart and soul; she can only be successful if I coach her every step of the way; she tells everybody how thankful she is now that I pushed her. There have been times the coaching was--- this way or else...and, it paid off later on in huge dividends. It was not the most pleasant part of being a parent, but in order for her to embrace her future success, it is what a parent MUST do on occasion. Being a parent, does not mean you settle for less than you expect from your child, either. Accepting less, ignoring the obvious, that is not parenting at all. If you have a child without significant disabilities, it is reasonable to expect the child to become a contributing citizen.
It takes a lot of energy and emotional investment to be a "real" parent, so I am glad I only had one child, now.:-)
I think that the problem with
I think that the problem with the boy in the op is that he is being pushed but in the wrong direction. If he failed once there is no reason why he won't fail again. He needs to be pushed into something that will meet his basic needs (so he can leave home) and allow time for video games in his free time. That way he will be independent and contributing. When he wants to progress in life that is when he will discover his work ethic and push himself. My experience is that many men do not find the motivation to better themselves that they need in life until they are about 22-26.
Agreed,
Agreed, Anotherstep2..enabling the never ending video game player who lays dormat to his own future, or lack there of...just very sad to hear things like this. In the end, we all end up paying for it as tax payers--for the rest of his life, if someone does not take the time to help him and push him to higher ground.
Good for you
Good for you Dadswife....every child has their own development time frame, but parents can certainly hasten or halt the process...without a doubt.
I worked with a girl who's
I worked with a girl who's husband sat at home playing games. He had a job but got fired shortly after they got married because he was always calling in sick.
She would complain everyday about how he wouldn't look for a job, how he would only play games all day.
I suggested that she cut off the internet at their house. She was appalled! But then how would he look for a job? Well, he's not looking now so what's the big deal.
And that would mean that she didn't have the internet at home either, again so what? She had it at work and was free to use it to pay bills or do banking or even surf the net. Our work was very lax and as long as all our work was done we were free to surf the net.
I also suggested that she take the controllers to work with her. She said she didn't want to upset her husband and make him mad. Okay.
The last time I had lunch with the girls she was still complaining about him. Still no job, still playing games. Nothing had changed and nothing ever will.
It's interesting to read all
It's interesting to read all the comments from people with stories about video game addiction. I guess it's like any other addiction - person has to WANT to quit and make an effort to do so. What a waste of youth!
I am at a stage in life where aches and pains are becoming a daily reality. There are physical limits to what I can do anymore. I so LONG for the days when I used to get up relatively pain-free, could get my body to do just about anything I wanted (sports, etc.)
That's why hearing all this sitting around playing video games makes me angry. There are only so many years we can have freedom of movement as humans - wasting so much time on it indoors, on a virtual world is depressing. There is an incredible REAL world, with REAL people right outside the door!
Just like this skid the guy was talking about - who knows what kind of wonderful experiences and camaradrie he missed out on. Friends he could have made who might have enlightened his life. Not to mention a Class A education he missed out on.
All to play some games. Sad.
I think you heard RAGS
I think you heard RAGS talking to a friend }:)
You should've slipped this site link to the guy lol..... and we would've told him, kick the little snot out of the house, give him a dead line to find a job and start paying rent or to be out, and if the DW had any issues, cut them off financially
Yes... I should have jotted
Yes... I should have jotted the website address on a napkin and passed it over to him!
As for Rags, I think his SS enlisted in the military and has been doing very well. Believe his SS has been quite successful and has his life on a good trajectory.
All the more reason that video-game boy was not fit to be an officer and "lead" young men and women like Rags' SS!
StepdaddyBigBucks wouldn't
StepdaddyBigBucks wouldn't DARE say anything like that out in the open for fear it would get back to the Girhippo, who rules the roost.
The population of the Gir 'n' Clan's town is approx. 5,000. The fact that this skid got into military school is astonishing. At least there was SOME bar of expectation--probably mostly due to SF's work. With Stepdads it's different. Stepdad need not disengage providing the BM fully approves of his actions. They have a lot more leeway than does StepMOM.
Pumpkinhead, OSS who just turned 20 and baaaaaarely made it out of HS, (he's the one that has the MOST potential, btw) and is living half the time with a non-existent girlfriend in a seedy town about 5 minutes north of the mothership.
There are ZERO photos of him with any GF on any of his social media. All are selfies with only his huge head showing. I'm pretty sure there is no GF. He's probably crashing at some part time band member's pad when he's had enough of his younger siblings back at the mothership. Although he moved back from the "big city" because he "missed his younger siblings." It ain't adding up.
Still a pot fiend and working a p/t job at a pet store; oddly he quit the video game store.
That SDad needs to forget
That SDad needs to forget about his failed SKid commissioning and drop the kid off at the recruiter. Once he enlists... there are potentially legal consequences if he fails to perform.
That is basically what we did with my Skid and he is kickign ass and taking names since he enlisted 5 years ago. He responds well to the structure and clearly understands that as an elisted service member (now NCO) that he has no choice but to perform or there will be notable consequences.
Time for that SDad to get his useless POS Skid write off plan ready for implementation.