What do Nannies get to do?
Forums:
Sorry for being dumb guys - I have not done the parenting thing (yet).
I am just mulling over the case of nannies. They come into a home, they are not biological parents and yet they MUST be allowed some sort of power over the children? I can't imagine any parents being happy with kids running riot around nanny - she would be considered to be not doing a good job?!
So.. my question is, what makes us different? We are even loved by our SOs - why would they allow a perfect stranger to love, nurture and potentially discipline their children when they are furious with us for doing the same?
So because SM has control
So because SM has control it's ok? Could we not ask BM for a list of rules we are allowed to enforce on day one of our SM-ship?
I think many SMs like aspects of the children - and if we were not treated like we are by them then we might still like them now?
Spank a kid? I am not allowed to ask them politely to pick up their litter!!!!!!
No. You are expected to act
No. You are expected to act like the 2nd wife, you are. DH, step-kids and even BM all have first say. You have either last say or none. In this case, that is kind'a like a nanny, only nannies (most of the time) don't have sex with their manly employers. I've certainly heard some SMs say they feel like a babysitter with side benefits for the "man" of the house.
Yep. You are supposed to just sit around and act like a friendly auntie when stepkids come over to your house and act like they can do whatever they want, including whacking any of their half-siblings or the family dog. Stuff that you wouldn't even take from a neighbor kid, SMs are expected to take and put up with.
You are supposed to cook and clean for stepkids and clean their noses out with a snot rag. On the other hand, they owe you nothing. Their parents took a vow to stay together with their family, and they broke that vow. You see, they could not suck it up and take it for their children. But, boy oh boy!, you certainly are expected to.
The one thing both nannies
The one thing both nannies and step parents share is the ability to walk away if the situation isn't a good fit for them.
Nannies get to do things SMs can't because they are paid employees. Are you willing to let my BM go digging through you background? Are you going to your SS# over to her or allow her to speak to your previous employers? Are you willing to have her treat you as the hired help?
If you aren't happy, walk away.
Yeah I've always been annoyed
Yeah I've always been annoyed about that too. But I can wrap my head around it a little better now looking at it the way it was described...as the nanny being an employee. That does make sense although it will still irritate me that I get treated like complete shit by the BM (kids love me and I love them) when I treat the kids like my own, and she would much rather have the kids stay with a babysitter when she's not available for them than to have DH or myself be with them. BM at one point tried to convince DH that the youngest should go to daycare M-F even on his weeks when he's completely available to have her. Spend money on a babysitter when DH can spend time with his kids? And her trying to control what he does as far as childcare during his time? That obviously didn't fly.
Yes, and if little Timmy
Yes, and if little Timmy pisses all over your and DH's bed, on your side no doubt, you have to suck it up and take it, because unlike nannies, that is what SMs are expected to do.
Thank you! Needed to hear
Thank you! Needed to hear that: I guarantee that 99.99999% of the posters on here do not expect the SM to suck it up. I would hate to think any SM would expect that of another SM. But, unfortunately, I do think some non-SMs think that way and even some marriage counselors. But, it is nice to know we at least look out for ourselves.
Simply put, SM are loved by
Simply put, SM are loved by the father and the evil ex wife hates that. And a nanny is a paid employee, easy to figure out.
Nanny's never discipline
Nanny's never discipline children, why not, cause simply kids behave with them.... but being Dad's new partner, they do not have to listen to you, why not... cause BM tells then she's not your mother.... when it's only the Nanny, BM tells them you have to listen to Nanny....
Whoa people, I have no hidden
Whoa people, I have no hidden agenda or underlying soul searching in this post... I am simply (as always) pondering the lack of authority under our own rooves as step-parents. I agree nanny gets paid, but am wondering how we get guilty Disney Daddy to show us the same respect he would show a nanny...
FYI I am not looking after skids like a nanny or in any similar position, just pondering what I thought might be an interesting comparison. Apologies, as it obviously irritated suome people.