New Step Blogger: Am I Alone?
I'm very new to this. I've never blogged before. I am curious if there are others out there in my position. I do not come across many full time step parents, especially full time Step Mothers. If there are, please comment on me and let me know that I'm not alone! It feels that way sometimes, like I'm an unidentified species: A Full Time Step Mom!
I met my husband almost 3 years ago. He is so wonderful and passive and caring. I live him so much! I love his children as well and the child (soon to be children) we have together. Him and I met online in 2014. I was 24 and he was 32. He had already been solely providing for his children for almost 3 years at that time. Then a 5 year old girl and a 9 year old boy... Now a 7 year old girl and a 12 year old boy. I've been with them and there for them every step of the way since day one. I love my big family! They give me the most rewarding positive purpose in life.
My step children do still see their mother, very minimally... She has visitation every other weekend. We also share the summers week on, week off. I think this is a good thing for the most part. I never want the kids to look back and think that my husband and I kept them from her, or her from them. They deserve to have her in their lives. I'm not going to harp on this part right away...I'm sure I'll have a blog solely focused on it at some point.
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Comments
For the most part I am. It is
For the most part I am. It is hard sometimes. Their mother is a pathological liar and because they strive for affection so much, they feed right into it. She didn't get them for a whole month here recently, because she never showed up on her weekend... every time we tried to contact her...She would reply at practically midnight with some excuse, but never ask for the kids. When she finally did show up on the correct weekend ...The kids came back saying that it was our fault they didn't see her for so long. She told them we switched the weekends and didn't tell her. Kids don't realize that you can't do that in the first place... So they buy right into it... It is such a shame!
I use to be full time SM,
I use to be full time SM, then the girl turned into a lazy disrespectful little brat...
BM was not involve in her life and one phone call from BM after years of ignoring her changed it all...
I eventually moved out I will move back when that monster is out of the house....
Sorry to hear that... That is
Sorry to hear that... That is hard! My husband definitely knows that they can be bratty sometimes... He acknowledges it with me in private, but he is very passive about things. I admire him for it. Even though it's so annoying how calm he can appear lol
We have my skids (SS14, SD13,
We have my skids (SS14, SD13, SD11) primarily, BM has them every other weekend.
I have a pretty good relationship with my skids, not perfect, but definitely not bad either!
Welcome
"He had already been solely
"He had already been solely providing for his children for almost 3 years at that time."
Why doesn't the children's BM pay CS? Most NCP parents with EOWE and 1/2 summers pay CS plus a share of medical and even split extras such as sports/activities.
I was a fulltime SM while SS was a minor 24/7 365. SS and I had a good relationship. We still do for the most part, though through his adult years, we're not as close as we use to be (mostly distance and busy lives, but not entirely).
She is mandated too, but she
She is mandated too, but she doesn't. She pays a small amount monthly and that's it. One day we'll probably pursue it, but for now... Our lives are so much better dealing with BM as little as possible! We do all school, sports and extra curriculars. She has never come to a single game or practice. The kids miss out, but we hope one day when their older they'll decide how important their sports and activities are to them.
Glad that works for you! That
Glad that works for you! That sounds very peaceful and constructive. With homework and the youngest I just keep track and he enforces. She has breakdowns over homework... That I just don't have the patience for. In all fairness though, the schools really do give too much homework to little kids. Him and I make rules together, but he puts it forth to them. He works a lot to support us... I am stay at home as well... So I have them a lot. I know if there is a problem at school (ie: kid drama) or grade problem (ie:bad quiz grade)...and him and I talk, come up with a solution, and if it means an authoritative approach, he handles that. It helps me be able to have a better relationship with them. They are really sweet kids overall!
I too am a full time step
I too am a full time step mom, through no choice of my own. Just like you in the beginning 2-3 years BFs ex was rarely there, only visits once in a while then poof she vanished. Now I have to literally do everything just like a biological parent would, but no blood ties.
I understand what your going through my Stepkids are 14 and 12. Not to scare you but it gets worse unfortunately, we are all here for you though!!
I don't consider myself a
I don't consider myself a full time stepmom but I am more than part time. I am a younger stepmom. Me and DH got together when SS was about 9 months old. BM was kicked out/left DH for cheating and moved on to someone new. It was 50/50 from the time BM left and through SS's year 1 but then DH took BM to court for threatening to keep SS away from him permanently and DH was given primary/domiciliary custody. Now SS is 5 years old; he lives with us weekly and lives with BM on the weekends. Summer break is 50/50, but that is the only break that is mentioned in the papers at all. I do doctor's visits, dental cleanings, school parties and extra curricular volunteering/support. My DH pays for everything except for the rare occasion BM coughs up a few bucks to pay for what should be her half of expenses anyway. I won't say she isn't around because that is a lie. She is around...to make sure me and DH are doing our (and her) job to her satisfaction and to be SS5's best friend. She is the ultimate Disney-Parent when she doesn't leave him with a babysitter on the few nights she gets him to go out with her boyfriend. Me and my SS have had a great relationship so far and that has largely to do with the fact my husband parents SS5 when he is around and backs me up whenever I have to step in. The reason why I am here is because BM causes a lot of problems. I have diagnosed her as high conflict and a narcissist, my DH tells me she has admitted to him in the past to being bi-polar and having violent anger management issues. I, like you, enjoy my skid and have little to complain about so far on that front; but he is still young and we are just getting started.
I am a childfree woman who
I am a childfree woman who ended up being a full-time SM for five years.
There were some good times, times I made a difference, but overall it was not a positive experience. Given the chance, I would not do it again.