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So depressed, just need to get off my chest!!

candice85's picture

I have not posted anything in a long time, but I just needed to write somethings down and get off my chest, maybe that will help me!! As far as my marriage it is going pretty great, we get along just normal arguing!! A little back ground is We have been married for 9 years SS was 3 at the time! We have 1 child together girl8 and and boy on the way!! Last year my life total changed and was caught off guard when BM gave us SS12, BM could not handle him he was failing school, lying, and just flat out disobeying!! DH was so happy and was thrilled to say yes without discussing this with me!! The whole problem comes in at DH is a truck driver he is gone all week and only home on the weekends!! SS12 is treating me the same way he did his mom won't do anything asked of him, lying, failing school, disrepectful! I am 8months pregnant I am the only one really raising him, BM gets him every other weekend and DH only see him the other weekends!! I am stressed out, I should be happy with excitement for the new addition but I am so depressed and worried sick, I just don't know how I can take care of 3 kids by myself!!

CANYOUHELP's picture

YOU are not the parent, and YOU do not need to be raising this child. I would have a talk with husband and tell him that he needs to be with his mother whenever he is out of town, period. Mother had a large part in creating this monster, so now she can can blame you for his failings and short comings. I know you are frustrated, it sounds like you spend days alone with the boy and no father present at all. This situation needs to be reversed back as soon as you can put it in the works. You have enough to do simply preparing for a baby to be born in a month from now.

Time to talk with husband about it is NOT your responsibility to raise HIS son.

Hang in there and good luck with your pregnancy!

candice85's picture

Thank you so much for your comment!! I am gonna have a talk with my husband, sure hope it changes, I am with him more than both his bio parents and it is a burden on me but I also hate to be another person who doesn't want this child but it would be different if he would at least obey me!!

CANYOUHELP's picture

It is not your responsibility to raise HIS child; helping a little is one thing; but this is taking way advantage of you; hard to believe the BM would put up with it, but clearly she does not want additional time with her own child; tells you something, huh?

candice85's picture

Yes BM is a work of art!! She doesn't want him on the weekends that she is suppose to have him!! I knew that he had a son before we got married but I didn't agree to raise him for them!! But I total agree with you it isn't my job and I don't know what kinda women would want someone else raising their child!!

Acratopotes's picture

I agree with other posters.... If DH is not around then SS needs to stay with his mother.
No negotiating about it, you are not SS parent and not appointed as guardian, thus you have no responsibility towards him.

Simply tell your husband , this is how it will be from now on.... DH not at home, SS not at home. DH at home, SS can visit but DH will be responsible for him, not you, you do nothing for SS until he starts treating you right

Stepped in what momma's picture

Rags nailed it.
You should go ahead and print out some boarding school information and leave it casually were said skid will see it.
SO needs a new job if he wants to keep his pet.

hereiam's picture

Of course he was happy and thrilled to say yes, he is not home to deal with it. The fact that he did this without even talking to you about it, shows how little he respects you.

You need to tell your husband that having custody of his son is not possible if he is going to be on the road, period. SS is not your responsibility, BM and your husband are going to have to figure something out and that something should not involve you.

You said that BM "gave" you SS, does that mean this was not done legally, through the court?

candice85's picture

That is right it is not legal, she didn't want to do it legal cause she will lose her food stamp and Medicaid status!!