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SS is exhausting!

Zahava's picture

Any advice would be wonderful!!!

SS is 14, hes a smart kid, helps when he sees the need sometimes. His grades in school though are awful, He suppose to be doing 8th grade work but yesterday told me he didn't know how to multiply. I nearly dropped my mouth (maybe I did). He is also enrolled in online homeschool, he cannot do things on his own he needs an adult to always watch him or he gets easily distracted. I usually do random computer monitoring just to be shure he is doing school and not surfing the web.

Yesterday I thought I would do just that because I hadn't done it in awhile. So as soon as I go to history there it is, he was doing nothing but web searches all day. Mind you that this isn't the first time, he has been caught watching youtube all day before as well. He is at least 2 grades behind and we are trying to give him some trust and responsibility as he is a teen. The stress and anxiety is through the roof on my end. I want him to focus and succeed but I don't know if he wants to as well. I have put in as much as I can, how much is too much??

Comments

ESMOD's picture

Why can't he go to a regular "in person" school. Some kids just don't have enough self control to do online work. My YSD did her last few HS classes that way, and it was a fairly painful experience to constantly push her to do the work.

He may need the structure.

ksmom14's picture

I-m so happy
Yes, this would be a good thought if it's a possibility. Even in school kids get distracted, and there are teachers, if he's expected to be learning himself online, then I could see how he could easily get off topic.

If regular school isn't an option, can you block all websites except the one he uses?

What does your boyfriend do about all this?

Zahava's picture

We have tried a few different things hoping it would help from one on one help to putting him in smaller classes designed for kids with add or adhd, he doesn't have either. MY bf and I have sat down with him individually and together but still nothing. We have a monitoring system now that only lets him do school or safe searches, he still managed to either get up from his chair every 5 min or stare off into space. My bf works from non to midnight so its mostly just me.

Zahava's picture

he was initially in regular school but he was still failing his classes. His teachers actually really cared and tried to help him out but there was still loads of unfinished homework and classwork. He complained that there were too many distractions, but its no different now and theres literally no distractions.

2016ov's picture

I think if you adults help him to make a schedule ... since he wakes up and had breakfast ... time management its critical. (what time for what) its should help. Also, I started to use for my ss15 Norton family parent control (using for computer and any devices). It makes parents life easy I can see what he did, put a limitation, block sites, I just downloaded on her cell phone. And from work able to see what he is doing instead listen to his "folk story."

I hope it may help you to manage him better)))

Zahava's picture

SS too did k12 but we moved and had to switch to flvs. SS has also mentioned he would like activities other than sitting in a chair all day, so I incorporated things like taking him swimming a couple times a week and I also let him play basketball daily at a community center. We are definitely going to watch him much more, although I felt like I was but who knows. His dad did tell me he would start writing down what he expects done daily which is a huge help! And a stricter schedule is being put in place, I cant go on like this....Thank you for your comment Smile

ESMOD's picture

My SD did k12. It was not that easy for her. No way would I let the kid off the hook and let them homeschool if they wouldn't apply themselves in regular school

Ladystark's picture

Sounds like you have good start your dh backs you. My ss13 is in a down word spiral over here.

Would he do ok with a timer? Ss would be doing his hw and his hw would make him think of something- he had to deal with that thought- then before he knew it he has spent 30 minutes not on hw.

I tried to have him write down the questions or thoughts that popped in his head, but then he would start drawing.

He seemed to do ok with a timer.

So if his hw had lets say dogs- well now his brain has a million dog questions in it- so i allowed him to set a timer for 5-10 mintues to browse about dogs. Once timer was off he had to do work. He only was was allowed up to 20 minutes space time. I think it helped him decide if he wanted to waste time on that question or shake it off and keep working.

Its gone now- i had to stop being involved in hw- 6th grade was rough- he will not bring home papers- i dont know what is due till he does not hand it in. And the fights. After the 2nd semester i was done. His 7th grade year is already starting off terrible.

Sorry side rant!!

Try a timer on him.

Zahava's picture

funny you mentioned a timer I just had that thought this morning. My bf was off to work so I texted him to talk about it later. I remember having a timer was brought up before but never enforced because I asked SS how he felt about it, he said he didn't want one.

Now he has no choice though. Nobody has time to for the headaches. Thank you for your advice too! P.S. My SS just turned 14 nothing changes lol

Acratopotes's picture

where's over step if you need her....

over step is a poster on here, her SD is doing the same as your SS and somehow she blocked SD's laptop, the only internet thing SD could see on her laptop was the home schooling site and work...

This resolves the issue of SS surfing the net the whole day Wink

ESMOD's picture

Ok.. I am not on my phone now, so I will give a little longer post with some perspective on the at home schooling.

YSD got a "bone in her mouth" for doing online schooling when she was in HS. Now, she was actually a good student. She made Honor Roll most every period. But, I think it was awfully alluring for her to think about being able to stay at home instead of getting up early and going to school. Add to it that she has a bit of her Mama Drama illness and I think that the urge to go homeschooling was stronger when she was having "issues" with other girls. She was really an advocate for this and would tell us all the bad things about her school. In reality, her HS was not the best but we really didn't feel that homeschooling would be possible while she lived with her mom. The mom that would take her out of school because "mama is lonely".

Finally, she figured out that it would be possible for her to finish HS early if she took some summer school and a couple of online classes. She wanted to move down to her grandparent's home for the summer then just finish up her online classes there. We agreed because she was starting to have a lot of problems with her mother.. who is MOTY one minute and a raging lunatic the next.

So, she moves down to live with the Grands. She got through the summer school class no problem but then the K12 classwork began. Her grandmother wanted her to attend the regular full time school so she stubbornly would not do any monitoring of the HS coursework. I had to do this from 2 hours away over the computer and phone. Well, as most 17 yo will do, she slacked. When she DID the work it was A's.. but it required constant reminders and prodding for her to do it. She honestly spent a lot of time on twitter and snapchat and admitted as much to us. She said it was her way of "rebelling". (see, she is a good excuse maker!). She wasn't drinking, doing drugs or anything.. so she claimed that not listening to us was her rebellion.

Yikes.. we finally got her through the classes. It took twice as long as it should have and honestly, she should have just attended in person school. Even her, an honor roll student couldn't be disciplined enough to work with that online system. A kid with marginal attention span has no chance.

I think he gamed you. He slacked in school and then blamed it on too many distractions. Well, that should mean an IEP with the school to create a learning environment with fewer distractions.

I would put him right back in public school. Alternatively, I would give him what he says he needs. Empty his school work room of everything but his desk, chair, school computer, a pen and a pad of paper. Take every picture, stick of furniture out of that room. Put a shade on the window and make it impossible for him to open it. Tell him that he must stay in that room until his work is done. There are no distractions in that room right? You should do wonderful kid.

ESMOD's picture

I understand. My YSD originally had a thought to complete a very expensive post HS online certification but I basically told her if she had that much trouble keeping up with one online HS class at a time then she wasn't a good candidate for that right now.

Zahava's picture

Thank you so much for your experience with SD. I think your 100% right, kids will be kids, and teenagers in my opinion are still kids. I always wanted SS to stay in school because I too felt like it was excuse to get out of it. My bf was the one who had homeschooling idea. I disagreed with him, but what can I do? Its his son.

This is the downside of being a Stepmom/parent, we can have an opinion but its never really granted unless the parent approves it. I'm still against it today but I also feel I have to support my BFS decisions. If he still continues to fail and stay behind its going to be because of SS lack of motivation, and BFs choices as well.

Thank you again, anything helps!

ESMOD's picture

Well, this is the thing about being a step parent. We DO have a right to an opinion when it impacts our lives. So, it sounds like you are being charged with making sure he does his school work. UH... NO to the Heck NO!

You say. DH, I really am not qualified nor am I able to monitor SS in his online coursework. You are not here to do it, so the only real solution is for him to go to the local school where they can help him get past his problems.

DaizyDuke's picture

In my opinion your SS is NOT a candidate for home schooling. I am the home schooling coordinator for the school district that I work in and I see this all the time. Kid struggles in class, mostly because they are lazy and have zero support at home, kid falls behind, kid starts acting out or not going to school and parent feels the only option is to pull them and home school them before school hotlines for ed neglect.

If your kid already has issues with doing independent work (homework) and is easily distracted... home schooling is absolutely a recipe for disaster. I can pretty much tell you that every single student in the above scenario that I have had come through home schooling has failed.

Your SS needs to be put back in school before he gets any further behind and any lazier than he already is. And he needs his feet held to the fire about getting his homework done, and asking teachers for extra help. If your school district does not offer any type of before or after school tutoring, if it is in your budget this kid would benefit greatly from a tutor.

Of course this is not YOUR problem, these are all things your DH needs to be doing.