You are here

Was this handled correctly?- On the subject of bullying

Sweet T's picture

My son is 9 and in 4th grade. He is one of the younger kids in his class and on the smaller side. The school he attends is very diverse and he is a good kid and is very aware of others feeling and of being racially sensitive. I throw this in for context. On Thursday the school councilor called me to talk about an incident on the play ground. Apparently a much larger 5th grade girl who in the councilor's own words is quite intimidating thought my son had yelled at her on the playground. Apparently he had called out to a friend. She started chasing him around the playground swinging a jump rope in the air, he ran to the female teacher's aid and the girl would not stop trying to get him, he then spotted the male councilor and ran to him. Others were yelling at the girl to stop or she would get expelled. The councilor yelled at he to stop or he would have to call the police. That is when she finally stopped.

The councilor when he called told me that the girl was chasing BS and that she had thought he had yelled at her. He focused on how terrified BS was of her and that it took them 10 minutes to calm him down and he wanted me to be aware of that. He left out all the other details I shared above. Their solution was for BS to eat lunch with the girl.

Once I heard the rest of the story from BS that night I did call back the councilor because BS said that this girl was not punished in any way. I let him know I was not very pleased with the situation and advised my son that if anything ever happened again that he has my permission to tell them to call me and t hat he wants to speak to me or take his cell phone out of his back pack turn it on and call me from the bathroom and I will come down to the school.

I share this because of all the talk of bullying. There are no consequences for bad behavior. If my son had hit her he would have been in trouble even though he did nothing. He was even afraid to tell me when I asked what she looked like that she was black because he didn't want to make a racist comment. I was asking because I was trying to gauge how big she was. If there is no punishment what is to prevent dangerous behavior in the future??

What do you think? BTW the girl admitted that she realized after the fact that he wasn't yelling at her that she had been wrong.

Comments

ESMOD's picture

It sounds like a case of misunderstanding. I think that schools may be trying to not punish to the largest extent.

In this case, if the end result was the two kids got over the misunderstanding and can move forward with no problems.. I am thinking that while she probably reacted poorly, throwing a punishment on her might have actually caused her to have more of a problem with your son.

Willow2010's picture

So this girl almost got the police called on her for trying to hurt your son, and the school did nothing?

Nope nope nope. She should have some type of punishment.

Sweet T's picture

My biggest issue was that the councilor left out a lot when he called me. Having someone chase you relentlessly swinging a jump rope at you and not stopping when a teacher tries to stop you shows me that this girl needs some help. My kid was scared shitless. The councilor admitted that it was all on the girl and we talked about how things have changed over the years. What is wrong with kids that they act like this? Mine has been raised to keep his his hands to himself.

Willow2010's picture

What is wrong with kids that they act like this?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Because people are raising entitled spoilt brats who have no consequences for anything.

The little snowflakes are taught that your actions do not matter. They are being taught that they can do ANYTHING mean, destructive, violent ect. and some people will say well its not their fault and they need to be coddled.

Kinda like the other bully situation. The bully damn near killed the skid and he got paid for it. And some people think the bully is the victim there. SMDH

Sweet T's picture

Trust me BS was not happy to then have to eat lunch with her and not his friends. I know what the councilor was trying to accomplish, but I can honestly say I am so tired of people not parenting their kids correctly. There are so many kids with emotional issues and are unable to control themselves then there were 20 years ago.

Maxwell09's picture

I think the school councillor should have talked with the girl about how to manage her feelings. I actually had to deal with this with BM Friday. She didn't like what she heard so her first instinct was to get in my face and threaten to hurt me saying how much she would love to fight me blah blah blah. This little girl is going to grow up being the exact same way because she doesn't know how to properly communicate. She over-reacted and almost got the police called on her (like BM did) all because of a lack in communication and listening skills. What kind of kid automatically shoots to anger and violence? The councilor needs to figure out what's going on in her life to make her react with such anger immediately. Whatever happened to asking "what did you say?" or getting clarification before getting upset. The girl should have to talk to a councilor before she develops a nasty habit of misunderstandings that turn violent. Getting along with other people is a huge part of life and most of those people you won't like to be around at all. You'd think they would teach conflict-resolution skills in school.

ESMOD's picture

"I think the school councillor should have talked with the girl about how to manage her feelings."

It's actually quite possible that the girl was talked to about not stopping. It's also possible she has mandatory counseling.. and an IEP. Of course, the school would be limited in sharing that information with the OP.

I think that the lunch was a fence mending exercise for both kids.

Maxwell09's picture

Having lunch with someone who you tried to attack earlier in the day doesn't help the girl cope with her outburst. If anything it taught her that people who are uncomfortable with her violent reactions don't know how to help her vent properly and the most they will do is make her and the victim sit together pretending it never happened. Do you really think they talked it through during lunch? Hell no! They probably sat there in silence until lunch was over unless there was a councilor there making them talk about what happened. The girl needs help.

ESMOD's picture

That may be, but we do not know whether the girl IS getting help.

She may very well be and that was my point.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

The ones who yell the loudest get their voices heard. I'd be up in the school's butthole asking for consequences and the next time it happens, will have the police involved. Parents like us tend to be quiet when it comes to this stuff, feeling helpless, but recently I've started having less and less patience with this kind of BS when the parents who "bully" the school (and, not surprisingly, raise bully kids) see the effects that they want while we don't.

Acratopotes's picture

Sweet T.....

please do not let this go, go back to the school and crap all over them..... this is how this mamma bear sees it..

Girl is trying to hit your son, first adult can't help him, second adult has difficulty helping him and the your son gets punished? He has to eat his lunch with her and not his friends? Nowhere did this girl get any punishment, only your son....? This is not right.... this is probably why children grab knives and stab other kids or take a gun to school and start shooting.

IslandGal's picture

Oh hell no!! I cant stand the double standards schools are encouraging..screw that shit. I have 3 sons. I know how girls torment them..some even do the.."watcha gunna do about it..hit me?? go on the ..DO IT", and they get right upnin their faces and really, really push and push. Ive taught my boys to just walk away.

One particular girl just would not stop..she was relentless..no amount of complaining to the schools..teachers..nothing wS done because her parents were loaded and so....one day, I had enough..and told him..next time she does that..spit in her face. Just give it right back to her. So..at lunchtime...up she came..and...splat! He spit on her face.She screamed at the top of her lungs. Her parents came to school. I was waiting in the Principals office. I told them exactly why he did it. They demanded he be punished..school said nope...so they took her out of school.. funnily enough..her and my Son became friends after school..she tells everyone whT happened and thinks it was hilarious..and that its bought them closer..and yes, she also said she deserved it for being such a bitch to him for all thise years.

Sweet T's picture

Last night I asked BS if he has had any more inter action with Angel ( I kid you not that is her name lol) He said nope but she was chasing his buddy Demetrius around in the cafeteria that day. Clearly she didn't get it.