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MIL showed up with dead BM wedding dress yesterday

Just54321's picture

Am I over reacting??? quick recap- my BM died this past Mothers day and SS16 and SD15 moved to our state this summer to live with DH and I. (how they are doing is a story for another day but things have been OK)

I have been nothing but gracious and accommodating through this whole ordeal. I sorted and stored away many items from BM that skids claim to not want, but may wish they had once they are adults. (Christmas ornaments, knickknacks from BM house, photos etc...)

yesterday I get MIL to actually come to OUR house for the first time in 18 months and she plunks down a big old wedding dress box in my living room like she's dropping off a bag of groceries. Why? Just because. Because she wants to move on day and wants to clear clutter out of her house& thought that yesterday was the day this friggin dress needs to come here for SD. SD didn't ask for it. Of course MIL also said "I'm going to tell her not to keep it if she won't use it b/c you know brides have their own style on their wedding day"

I am all for SD having the dress, Im all for having anything she wants from her BM, it is her mother after all...why she would want the dress her cheating mother wore after her parents have been divorced for 10 years isn't my business but it should be here in case she does want it one day. HOWEVER, MIL should have been more sensitive that this is MY HOUSE and at the end of the day, dead or not, its still my husbands ex, who made our lives miserable and that some discretion would have been appropriate when having us store this thing in MY HOUSE.

It took all I had to wait for these people to leave my house so I could cry. My husband was so sweet and apologized for his mothers stupidity but still...some days its just too much to have to be the better person.

Comments

mommadukes2015's picture

Way to take the high road my dear. You are already being so gracious and understanding-it was very thoughtless of her to do such a thing. She could have figured it out with your DH and left you out of it. But she didn't and you handled it as best anyone could expect.

Pat yourself of the back and try put MIL's insensitive brain fart out of your head.

Just54321's picture

Good question about why MIL had the dress. I believe she had it b/c if you remember my story there was the crazy GBM involved when BM got sick. The one who stole any valuable items like the TV and lawn mower after the kids got locked out of their own house by GBM. So I think when BM passed MIL took the dress to her house for safe keeping.

Let me be clear...no matter what crap BM did or didn't do she was my skids BM and I do not EVER want my SD15 to turn back and resent me for discarding or refusing any BM stuff. This dress is welcome in my home. I just feel disrespected that MIL dumped it in my living room like "hey, brought you a mum for your porch and here's your husbands EX's dress"

If the dress is in the condition of anything else from BM house it stinks and probably has some kind of mold on it if it was in the basement. I have had to wash any clothing the kids brought from BM 3 times to get the funk out. I believe DH took the dress and put it in the dormer closet in SD room. There's no point in professional cleaning storage after it sitting around 17 years already. I will suggest he put it in a garbage bag so it doesn't have anything else happen to it.

Timmar- thank you. I am very close to my mom and although I am not sure how tight SD was to BM I know they weren't enemies and want her to have whatever she will need one day from her BM.

notsobad's picture

I think you are doing a good thing for your skids.
It doesn't take anything to be kind and as long as you have space in your house, storing BMs things doesn't cost you a thing.

I do think I'd spend a couple of dollars and get a garment bag instead of just a plastic garbage bag. Then hang it in a cool dry place and forget about it until one of skids asks.

As for getting smells out of clothes, have you tried Percil? It's a detergent that's new in Canada, they've had it in Europe for years but it's new here.
It is AMAZING, much much better than Tide or anything else I've ever used.

notarelative's picture

My SD's left a cedar chest at their father's house after their mom died. When he married me he sold his house and moved into mine. So now I have this cedar chest in my cellar that has the mom's wedding dress in it (among other things).