Forced Tuition Update!!! Im still Alive :)!!!!
HI Everyone!
Its been 1/2yrs since my original post, I did promise an update (as long as we still could afford internet, lol). My original post is gone but you might remember...
Dh has estranged daughter who is 23, she has always been paid CS to the highest and had everything paid for (braces, sports, cellphone, driving lessons). The estrangement is her choice, my husband was 17 when she was born.
We have 2 sons ourselves, one 7 and one 9.
After support ended, BM announced her daughter was attending university here in Sask, canada. The cost for a 4yr program is $80,000. There is also resident costs and of course her lavish choices of highend computer needed and car insurance/ cell bill.
A court decided DH must pay half which costs us $14,000 a year in addition to CS through summer months at $920 per month.
So $18,000.00 per year on his $40,000 net job. Yes we fought it with every shred of our being.My husband just finished paying his university loans (HE PAID FOR HIMSELF!) So he has 20,000 left to contribute to our home/ mortgage etc. The courts here dont give a crap about your other kids , unless they are from a spilt relationship. Judge said its my problem because he had her first and I knew that going forward. Well I never thought we would be paying for 50% of huge tuition!?! My parents didnt pay mine, should I sue them? Tuition is a gift in my opinion. Theres lots of students struggling whos parents are together, you have to contribute to your own post education. Whats next??forced wedding support? Daughter will be 25yrs old when CS stops. Thats nutty!
It has been a struggle guys, I got another job and basically pay for my two sons every need. That includes no sports or camp for them , at least until we get another two years from now. Ive learned how to save at every angle! Always cooking, never eating out or buying coffee. We still managed a great week if camping! Im actually finding I appreciate things more :).
But Im tired....exhausted.... DH appreciates it all a lot. Hes a good dad and works really hard 12hr days then kicks in extra anytime he can.
Im half way through guys, thats the silver lining!
Im going to pick a fantastic holiday for when this is done! Spoil my boys who have been so good to us and understanding.
If anyone else is in this my advice is hang in there, power through! Will enjoy some champagne when its over!!!
Ill be back to update again soon!
WHAT! That is crazy! I
WHAT! That is crazy! I really feel bad for you. But you seem to have such a great outlook on everything. Congrats on that!
IMHO…if a child refuses to spend time with the NCP, then the NCP should not have to pay a DIME toward any type of support. I bet a lot more BMs would advocate for a good relationship between the kid and NCP.
Is this the way it is in Canada or did you all just get shafted?
Wow, I'm hoping that that's
Wow, I'm hoping that that's not the way it always happens in Canada!
I think all children should be responsible for at least a portion of their own tuition. I hope that doesn't happen to us. DH and BM have some funds saved for the SD's education, but it probably won't cover all of it (unless they go to community college). I guess the silver lining in our case is that BM won't have enough to cover her half so she likely won't encourage the SDs to go after DH for it (hopefully).
Best of luck to you. Glad you were able to find a way to live decently in spite of this.
These are fairly new rules in
These are fairly new rules in Canada (5yrs old) but in my last post I found some states have implemented it too. Forced tuition for parents in N.Y and Cal , a few others and its growing! So warn your DS's, an accidental pregnancy will cost you 25yrs CS and tuition!
That unfortunately is
That unfortunately is absolutely insane.
I will never agree with a parent who has to pay for college tuition. Never.
With the cost of retirement, it is insane to think that most working class families can afford to save for retirement and college.
We are going through this
We are going through this Bull patties right now. Why isn't SD paying a portion? Usually in Canada kids are expected to pay 1/3, at least that is what our lawyer and a representative from the court house told us...
That is true Gimlet..horrible
That is true Gimlet..horrible people come in all sexes
DD's be warned 
This is bull. I have come
This is bull.
I have come across a few cases in US where fathers fought against this in court and won. Kid chooses to be estranged, they get no further financial help from the dad.
I'm just glad that DH's kids are grown (finally) and college was not an issue. One of his daughters is estranged and there is no way in hell she deserved anything above the CS he paid until she was 18.
Oh its a definite 1/3rd
Oh its a definite 1/3rd unless the student cant work because school courses are to involved....in our case she is doing an inschool unpaid co op placement during the summer. Very rarely can the student accuire full time employment to show the can pay it. Most of the time like in our case they find away around it by volunteering for these co ops so she can "get better grades and experience". We fought with every angle. My advice would be to ask her to aquire loans, our SD has very bad credit (of course) so didnt qualify. Judge suggested we co sign...lmao
That sucks. Normally they are
That sucks. Normally they are expected to find paid employment in the summer.
You got screwed by the judge.
I personally am not saying
I personally am not saying parents should not help. BUT a child should contribute something. Volunteering during the summer to avoid paid employment and to avoid contributing to your own education is wrong. My OSD tried that. She quit her Summer job last year (that she had for at least 4 years) then this year she volunteered for the first part of the Summer thinking she would not have to work when she got back. (It's amazing how fast they can find employment when they find out they have to!)
In Canada divorced parents
In Canada divorced parents are legally obligated to pay for post secondary education. Once a child has reached the age of majority then each case is looked at on an individual basis.
Our lawyer has stated that the longer the child is in post secondary the more they are expected to contribute, either through work or loans.
I'm curious to why your judge ordered half payment of tuition. Shouldn't it be in proportion to incomes, your DH and BM?
Also for CS to be 920 per month your DH would have to be making grossing over 100,000 a year! That's from the federal guidelines...Cell phones and car expenses should not be considered extras..it's built into the CS payment.
I think that you should get a new lawyer and a new judge. We are going through a similar situation with SD20 and just finished a consultation with our lawyer. We did a proposal and are waiting to hear back from BM...
Will be interesting to compare how it goes between provinces. We are in NL.
We are going through this as
We are going through this as well. It would be interesting to compare between provinces. I am in ON.
You have a wonderful attitude
You have a wonderful attitude and are obviously a good mother and a good wife. The love and strength in your marriage and in your relationship with your children is worth more and will last longer than anything that horrible child has. Keep going, mama! You've got this.
You and DH keep your head in
You and DH keep your head in the game and manage effectively. You both are an inspiration.
Two more years..... that will fly by.
Congrats on DH getting his loans paid off.
Thankyou everyone for the
Thankyou everyone for the support!
I should make point again thats my husbands net income....he gross's 56,000 so that is why the CS is so much. The Cs for summer includes a half cost of the 2,000 computer for school and 1 cosmetic dental bill. Costs built in over the 2 remaining summers of 6 months. SO 920per month. In Sask CS is determined on gross but I used his net as an example of how much we have left.
Fortunetly my husband has a great untouchable pention, and benefits. It does net him a lot less than others.
Car insurance and a set cell phone amount are now considered a necessity here so added extra like daycare or sports.
To those who think parents should be forced into tuition I ask....should I sue mine then? Guess it would help towards the bill haha. JK my mom is sitting here with me
OMG that is AWFUL!!! Child
OMG that is AWFUL!!! Child support stopped on my son the second he turned 18 and his father didn't contribute one penny towards his college, or anything else.
The entitlement is unreal. My boyfriend's daughter recently called him up bitching him out for not paying for her schooling (good thing he didn't because she failed out) and then not paying off the loan for her.
So how are people supposed to save for their own retirement? Because lord knows these entitled bratty kids aren't going to help. Not everyone is as fortunate as your DH with regards to pension.
What retirement? Freedom 95
What retirement? Freedom 95 i say
What retirement? Freedom 95
What retirement? Freedom 95 i say
Check your states laws
Check your states laws everyone.
Child Support use to end at 18, or when ever the new adult child was emancipated. Well you know how during the past 10 years or so, kids have in large numbers been diagnosed with every possible mental health problem from add/ adhd/bi-polar NOW parents are taking ncp back to court saying their now adult child cant support themselves and can not live by themselves because of infirmities so, support CAN be ordered for a very long time.
So I hear around the mulberry bush.