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BM is driving us nuts!!! Help me try to understand this!!

Love_all_my_babies83's picture
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sorry so long just want to try to fit as many facts in as possible...Just wondering if anyone else has been/are in the spot we are in and how they dealt with it. My husband and I have been married for over a year together almost 3 he has a 9 yr old daughter from a previous marriage. He and BM have been divorced for 5 years which she kept SD away from him for 5 months in the beginning but came around and when the papers where signed he got his visitation. He has always payed his CS on time and even gave more than ordered along with other things SD needed. Fast forward 2 years Me and DH are dating I ask to meet BM before I meet SD out of respect everything went fine then he moved 2 hours away to my home. BM throws a fit saying that SD can't come for visits DH would have to come down there if he wanted to see his daughter even went as far as the only way he could see SD on her birthday was for him to stay there at her place! Naturally I got mad because as a mother myself I felt that is out of line he should have SD on his times. We were finally able to get SD overnights at our house then found out I was pregnant BM threw yet another fit cussing DH up and down keeping SD away yet again telling him he was sorry, a bad father and how he brought this woman into their lives, then telling SD that daddy doesn't love her anymore that he is having another baby just to replace her she will never see him again because he will be to busy so on and so on we take her to court turns out she snuck "sole managing" in the finally orders which the new courts denied and did joint custody. While in our care we found out SD had witnessed BM and boyfriend in sexual acts because doors were left open, BM had hit her and left bruises on her with a door stopper, and also BM rolling "cigars". Before we could get the test results back from drug tests she decided to move 18 hours away (found out the day of trial) only gave 2 weeks notice which now she can't come but twice a year because of how much plane flights are and not enough time for a weekend visit...BM also moved her and SD in with a man SD has never even met before(BM has had 9 different men live with her in 2 1/2 yrs)...I know she did this to keep SD away she knew she was losing her control/power and SD couldn't be a pawn anymore so she moved away to make sure she keeps it. SD now don't really speak to DH doesn't ask about her baby brother or My BD who are always joined at the hip like BM is brain washing her!! We don't know what to do or how to deal with this its not healthy for SD at all just feel hopeless...

Rags's picture

Time to nail BMs ass to the wall, drag her to court for kidnapping SD, and bring the pain.

That kid needs to be as far away from BM as possible and any time she might spend with BM to be minimized.

Good luck.

Eb523's picture

There have been cases that ruled a change in physical custody was needed due to a parent denying parental visitation and parental alienation. So, if you can prove she is trying to deny visitation as she was when he first moved and that she is telling her these things to alienate the father from his child, then it is possible you can get a custody change. Now it will be difficult to prove but it may be possible. Look into Sulfolk County Family Court (Frank G. v Carol G.) The father was given custody due to the mother being held in contempt of court for not following the visitation that was predetermined by the agreement. It can be considered parental kidnapping or abduction if she moved without notice. I would look into your state laws and the child custody agreement about moving notice. He should be able to fight it most states will take it to court if the child would be moved out of state to prove it would be in the best interest of the child. I know in my state a 30 day notice is required if moving over 50 miles.

Love_all_my_babies83's picture

Thank y'all for the advice y'all said what is going on. DH's phone calls are now getting shorter and shorter because BM always has her doing things at his call times even SD said this is the only time we go do anything. BM even stated to DH she will make this as hard as she can till he is out of SD's life even has SD calling her new boyfriend "dad". I got a very ugly response on one of my other post about me being the one that started the problem when all I did was come into my husband and SD life, she also did this to DH with his ex girlfriend so it's not just me. It's not fair to SD that her "mother" is doing this to her and she doesn't realize it she just knows that mom says "if you don't go to daddy's I will buy you something you want" (she tells DH and my daughter this) also said its not considered contempt if she is "sick" when it's your time.