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BM said no to the last name change

Stepmomed's picture

Well BM doesn't want SS to change his last name

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Maxwell09's picture

Yeah, I can see that. It is a control thing. A name is symbolic and she's not likely to let that go so easily.

Stepmomed's picture

She didn't even think SS was DH's child when she got pregnant and DH had to petition the court for a DNA test

Aniki-Moderator's picture

^^Yep. The day my DH's SD turned 18, she went to an attorney to legally change her last name to DH's. Her bio father was a deadbeat who has only seen her a handful of times (she's 23) and never paid a dime of CS. My DH raised her from toddler-hood and, to her, he IS Dad.

Rags's picture

My SS made it happen but only after he was an adult. He asked me to adopt him when he was 22 and 4 days after we met with our attorney it was done. Interestingly... it is easier to do an adult adoption which also grants change of name than to just change your name. Changing your name other than through marriage or adoption requires major background checks, etc......

We discussed my adopting him a couple of times when he was still under the Custody/Visitation/Support CO and during one particularly toxic run of crap from the SpermClan including bemoaning how my SS's three younger also out of wedlock half sibs by two other baby mamas were starving due to the $133/mo CS that was paid for my SS my wife and I offered to adopt the three younger half sibs and for me to adopt SS with no CS requirement for the SpermClan and they could retain a low amount of visitaiton at their expense.

Nope, they were all offended.

When SS turned 18 and aged out from under the CO they had nothign to do with him and had zero contact for 2 years. He attempted to stay in touch with them but they wanted nothing to do with him.

Stepmomed's picture

Is it bad that I think BM is being selfish and controlling?6 years ago she left the state with SS knowing she was supposed to go through the judge first and now wants to tell DH since he has custody that he better not keep SS away from her she moved back into the state 2 years ago and lives 5 hours away. DH would never do that to her or SS. I can't help but think wow DH picked a winner to have his first kid with.

hereiam's picture

She is being selfish and controlling.

If it is really important to SS and your DH to get his name changed now, your DH should take it to court. He should have done it when paternity was established.

notsobad's picture

I'm on the other side of this.
IMHO, if the parents aren't married at the time of birth then the child should have Moms last name. If they aren't married at the birth chances are they won't ever get married.

Maybe I know a large number of women who have kids out of wedlock and with more than one man but it's easier when Mom and the kids all have the same last name.

If the kids want to change their name when they are 18, go right ahead.