How to understand
My boyfriend and I have been together 15 months and been living together for approx. 11 months. He knows my parents and all three of my kids. I have never met his kids. He states his ex and him have been apart for 4 yrs. when their relationship was on and off for 19yrs. His kids are 20yrs and 17yrs. They all still have dinner together on Sundays. Sometimes during the week too. I have a 4yr old and whenever he goes by his kids he feels he needs to hide my son's car seat in the trunk of his car. I had a talk and he told me he does not want to lose me and he will tell them. He told me he will never lie to his kids but he lies and tells them he lives with a guy friend. When my 4yr old is home and his daughter calls him on the phone he hides to talk to her. Basically I am well hidden from his family. I think I need to leave him. Only part is he says he will tell him but his daughter is due to have her baby in a week. He comes to all my family functions, but I have never been to any of his. I feel completely left out. Now I am getting more and more hurt everytime he tells me something about his family. I tell him that is how I feel and he claims the same, he will tell them on "his time.
he is still married.
he is still married.
They never got legally
They never got legally married
Okay then, they are still
Okay then, they are still together.
They may have never been
They may have never been married, but that doesn't mean they aren't still a couple.
You are the side chick that he happens to live with. The BM is his main woman. That's why he is treating you like his little dark secret.
None of his family and friends know about you because he can't risk one of the slipping up and telling his girlfriend about you.
They had an on and off again
They had an on and off again relationship? This one is simple, hon. He still wants to be able to be on again with his ex. He doesn't tell his kids about you because he knows it will be reported back to the Queen B and then she may not want anything to do with him. He is keeping his options open and stringing you along. Dump this loser.
After we were together for 6
After we were together for 6 months he took me to church and promised me in front of GOD he will never lie or cheat on me. He is adamant that he and her will never be back together and I trust that because if he still wanted to be with her he would be gone more. He is never gone for any period and when he goes to dinner with them he is only gone an hour tops.
I don't think he's sleeping
I don't think he's sleeping with her right now. He just wants to leave that option open.
Let me make sure I
Let me make sure I understand, the guy that you live with while not being married, that had kids without being married took you to church and promised in front of God to never lie or cheat on you? If you trust him so much what is the problem? Most of us would love not knowing skids.
Yep! If he's willing to lie
Yep! If he's willing to lie to his own children and his family what makes you think that you are so special that he wouldn't lie to you? You are wonderful. Go out and find someone that can see what a precious gift you are.
Time for you to go to
Time for you to go to www.chumplady.com and read. You are being chumped
How old are you? The dude
How old are you?
The dude said/did what he needed to say/do to get you to believe him. You are the side piece.
Don't believe it? The next time goes out with his kids or family, just pop up and surprise him. Introduce yourself as his live in girlfriend. If he freaks, you're the side piece.
I appreciate all your help.
I appreciate all your help. I am trying to believe him and once his daughter has her baby, wait about a week and if he does not come clean, I am prepared to leave. In the meantime, I am having a difficult time being "myself" around him anymore.
Whatever you do,don't get
Whatever you do,don't get pregnant.
I'm still trying to get past
I'm still trying to get past the part where you moved you and your children in with a man you had only been dating for four months. :jawdrop:
You don't know this man, you only know what lines he's fed you. Mother up, kick him out, and stop exposing your kids to this low rent sort of thing.
Ha Ha that is what I was
Ha Ha that is what I was thinking.
You need to get out of this
You need to get out of this with your kids now. He is seriously hiding something, for reasons he does not want you to know. Take your time next time and get to know the man before exposing your children. They pick up on things and behaviors, understanding far more than they express. They will eventually model these behaviors, so be careful what they see. Do not let them think this is good or normal. The only way to stop them from learning it, is to move away.
You have a man that is treating you horribly and disrespectfully. It will only go downhill from here. Are you happy with this? If not, consider much worse.
Go help yourself and more importantly--your children...do not put off the inevitable.
The hardest part our
The hardest part our relationship is almost the best, not perfect, but wonderful all but this one serious thing. I know he is in love with me, there is no doubt. I cannot show up somewhere, that is not me. I don't look through his things, he actually simply shows me everything. Part of me believes him and the other doesn't. He did clearly tell me that both him and his ex always promised they would never get married or have anyone else and I think he is preserving their feelings and protecting them but it is at my expense.
Cheaters always show you what
Cheaters always show you what they want you to see. The best defense is a good offense.
What do your family and
What do your family and friends have to say about all of this? There has to be someone in your inner circle who sees this guy for what he really is.
Since you can't just show up somewhere, the has to be at least one crazy sister, cousin or friend who would do just that for you.
I can't believe that not one person in your camp is calling foul on this guy.
So basically he promised his
So basically he promised his ex to be her one and only forever and ever whether they are together or not. Obviously he is breaking that promise by dating you. And now he is promising to be your one and only. Think really hard about how well that promise worked between him and his first wife.
On these Sunday dinners, are
On these Sunday dinners, are they at the children's mother's home and include her?
"popping up on him is NOT
"popping up on him is NOT you" well let me ask you this, is being the dirty little hidden side piece secret you? I know all of this advice might sound harsh but he's showing you who he is, BELIEVE IT! If you don't get to the bottom of it than you will wonder forever. I know you are probably afraid of what you will discover but do you want to prolong the inevitable? you have children to worry about and they are dragged into this nonsense as well. He's totally playing you, he has a double life.
"I know he loves me"
"I know he loves me"
Yeah, they don't know about
Yeah, they don't know about you I'm pretty sure. I had a "friend" like that once, he tried the ole "I'm single, but I haven't moved out of the house yet. I'm leaving my wife soon though."
He had a 6 mo old baby, I found out. Like I wouldn't connect it all eventually.
Now I see him on FB and he had two kids (another after me) and they did divorce eventually. I'm betting after she found out about his lying, cheating ass.