At my wits end
I just need to vent. Maybe some positive advice. I need someone who understands to talk to. My step daughter is four years old nearly five.I have lived with her sence she was just 2 years old. Her real mother lives in another state. And at random times chooses to call her and "try to be part of her life," and then goes back to months of nothing at all. I, me the stepmother have set up a time withis lady to call her everyday. And I send a picture of her daughter to her everyday. I the stepmother try to reach out to the real mom explaining what happens at school, her doctors.. ect. That's one of the very many things that bother me. And let me tell you she's not a pleasant person. Why do I have to be the one to deal with the ex? I'm not the one who decided to have a child with her. I do it because I want my stepdaughter to have a relationship with her bio mom. Along with I want to make sure everything is followed in the courts order to the best of my ability. So there's one thing that drives me up a wall why am I the one who has to deal with the ex.
But my main problem at the moment iso a little more emotionally internal. Everyday I get her ready for preschool. One of the 100s of preschool I spent researching BY MYSELF with no help from bio dad or bio mom. Every day I pick her up from school. 3 days a week I take her to Karate. The Karate place I found BY MYSELF no help from bio dad or bio mom. Because she had said she wanted to do karate. Everyday I get her ready for bed with help from my now 7 month old son. Every doctors apoint ment, dentist appointment, signing her up for insurance (before when we were just dating yeah it was still at that time my job not bio dad or bio mom's but my job to make sure thier daughter had insurance.) All my job. Since she was 2. When all we were was dating it was still my responsibility to take her to daycare, pick her up, teach her, get her ready for bed, potty training her, make and take her to her doctors appointments. WITH ABSOLUTELY NO HELP FROM BIO MOM OR BIO DAD. A Lotta help from grandma. Sleepovers with grandma help tramendously.
To say the least this little girl was dumped on me. BECAUSE THE BIO MOM DOES NOTHING FOR HER. and her dad only jumps in sometimes BUT I HAVE TO ASK.
For my 7 month old son you'd never have to ask me to do anything for him. I don't know that maternal bond I love doing it and I do it lovingly even the poppy diaper changes after another night with only two hour sleep. I love it. I love doing everything for him and watching hI'm grow.
And with my step daughter I don't mind so much doing what she needs. But it really bothers me that I have to do everything for her with no help from her BIO dad. Granted he works A LOT. But it's hardly fair to me that I have to juggle my 7 month old and wash the 4 year olds hair and he sits on the couch and plays his game and watches dumb videos on his phone.
Its not fair to me that I have to do everything for his daughter. I didn't choose to bring her into this world. He did. I agreed to help take care of her. Not raise her by myself. I like to help her with things she needs don't get me wrong. But I begin to hate it when I'm over tiered and I don't get any help. It makes me furious.
And because she is just thrown on me like shes all my responsibility I begin to feel like I hate her. Like it's her fault I'm in this situation. Even though I don't, I love her I just hate that because neither of her parents want her she's my responsibility.
Pull out the plug on the
Pull out the plug on the games and hand him his daughter
You can help out when convient but as said above you can't care more than the parents.
He needs to step up and be a parent not expect you to do anything
And stop talking to the ex- you didn't have a child with her and it's not your court order to fulfill
He's not going to do anything
He's not going to do anything as long as you are doing everything. I learned this with my first husband. That's why he is my ex husband. If you do everything for a newborn the other parent learns to do nothing. The same is true for step kids. When I had my 2nd baby with my 2nd husband, I said, " Your turn!", and handed that baby over!
As for the birth mother, I would stop forcing a relationship. My first son's father is exactly the same way. I tried to keep in touch for my son's sake (We had 50/50 custody per agreement before he took off). Finally, I quit talking about him. My son quit talking about him. We don't know where he lives. He's never coming back. My son is starting 4th grade, hasn't seen him since kindergarten, and started calling stepdad his Dad. I never would have stopped trying if his therapists hadn't told me to stop pushing contact with biodad to be honest, but now I see they were right.