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Bio mom jealousy

Mamalindz's picture
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I'm the step mom of 3 children and Mother of 2 of my own. We've had hell with this woman over the years, there were times that we wouldn't see them for 6 months or more. Court battle after court battle and a few years go by. She's put us and those children thru a lot of bull. However, within the last year, she has come around and we've had a decent relationship. Now since February the kids have been living with us due to her getting a new job that requires her to work odd hours. She cannot properly care for the children and it was showing. They stayed in their own school last year. School starts back in a few weeks and we are registering them to go to school in our district. They will get to be in a better school and also be with their siblings. She today decided to start making it about her. How she feels inadequate and will miss them etc. But last year they were struggling because she refused to do homework with them. She didn't know when school holidays were or anything pertaining to their school work. I managed to get the oldest child from a "d" to a high grade "b" from February to may. It just irritated me that she is being this way when it is absolutely what is best for those children. Not to mention makes our lives easier as were not driving across town to get them every day. She picked them up this afternoon for the first time in a week, they were crying because they didn't want to leave. And when I mentioned that we were registering them next week she rolled her eyes, I even asked her to come with us and also to go school shopping together. I'm trying to make it as easy as possible and show her that I'm not trying to replace her.

The4Nuggets's picture

Then it should be your DH stating those things. About registering, asking her to come, giving her a list of supplies needed and offering to shop together or split the list and shop separately. I understand your intentions, but HE needs to be saying/offering those things, not you. Those are his and her's kids, not yours and his. I always get a better reaction out of BM when I either speak "as" DH or let him do the talking. Not like I'm saying anything differently than him, but when it's him talking to her, she's not so blinded by jealousy and pettiness.

Maxwell09's picture

I agree it's not your job to remind her she is the mom. And I don't think it's jealousy that's causing these problems but more like insecurities. Perhaps your DH could offer her the first day of school if she can work it into her schedule. She has a few weeks so she can most likely schedule to be off or go in later that day. The thing about insecure BMs is that they rage and throw fits of entitlements. It's all about the "hear me roar, "I AM MOM". Let her help where she can. My SS4 starts kindergarten this year and because BM made us do 7/7 Friday to Friday instead of Sunday to Sunday, DH gets to have SS for his first day. She got him for both Prek3 & Prek4. She asked if she could buy his uniforms and even though I already had an online shopping cart ready to check out, we told her she could. Give her a little and it'll save you a lot when it comes to insecurities. If I were you or your DH I wouldn't bring up school or registration again until it's done. (think of ripping off a band aid) Once the kids are firmly enrolled encourage the skids to ask their mother if she wants to take them school shopping.

Mamalindz's picture

She sent him a text message last night saying she felt like a bad mom because if we put them in our schools she's only going to see them every other weekend. Honestly she doesn't see them much more than that now. But regardless, that's absolutely not true. Nothing about our arrangement would change other than their address for school. Hubby is just so busy with work it's rare they cross paths. And she is much more of a hard head on the phone.

ajp1999's picture

I would let your hubby deal with the school district situation. It's really between the two of them. However her texting to tell your hubby about her feelings about being a bad mom..... well that's really not his problem. They are divorced.