HELP WITH A UNDISCIPLINED CHILD AND STUBBORN FATHER
Hi everyone,
I'm new here,desperate to vent and get advices.
Okay, so I've been married to my husband for about 4 years. When we got together his son was 2 years old. At first he was ok with me,but now is so different and my husband doesn't decipline him when he has to. The other day we went to the lake and his brother and his girlfriend came along. The kid thinks the girl is his girlfriend so she plays along,but then she goes back to his uncle, hugs,and kiss him. So the child gives a tantrum. I didn't know until i seved him a cup of juice because he was eating and i offered to him, and he completely ignored me. I called him 3x and didn't even look at me. So he left me with my hand just there. Everyone looked at me and ofcourse it made me feel bad. All of the sudden i was crying, and my husband asks me what was wrong and I told him. All he said was that inwas exaggerating and that the child always does the when his uncle's girlfriend is there. Anyways i let it past and a couple days ago the kid was here and he was taking off his shoes and throws them, and leaves them there. I just cleaned the house, and i told him to put his shoes on the shoe stand, but he ignored me. And my husband flipped off saying that he will do it later, and that my dog always leaves his toys around and he doesnt say anything. I mean how can he compare the dog with his kid just because i told him to put his shoes somewhere else. I was so upset and i still am. I feel like running away. I really love my husband but he doesn't want to try or anything. He doesn't even say anything to his son. If i say something Im the bad one who is always exaggerating everything. I dont know what to do.. i even told him to go to couple's therapy but he refused saying that why would we let anothet person get in between..i feel like im suffocating and keeping so much stuff inside that i will eventually explode, and god knows what would happen.
I am fighting a similar
I am fighting a similar battle. A lot of us are.
I wish I knew the answer. I have tried a lot of things.... just ignoring, hiding, staying out of the way and relieving myself of the responsibility....I've tried laying down the law with very simple reasonable rules. That didn't work either.
His dad simply has to be on your side or nothing will change. I feel for his teachers and parents of the friends he visits. If he's this rude and incapable of the smallest responsibility, then I'm sure it's carrying over (or will) into other parts of his life.
A child that is perfectly capable of picking up after himself should in no way be compared to a dog.
I couldnt agree more, but if
I couldnt agree more, but if he is not taught since he's little, so wont do it.
No, i felt humiliated. How
No, i felt humiliated. How would you feel if you're offering whatever to someone and that person ignores you, even after you asked them 3 times? And leaves you hanging there in front of everyone. And they dont day anything. They just laughed and say he is just being himself??? And everytime his uncle's girlfriend is around. He ignores me. Like im not there at all, but when she leaves then he talks to me, and asks for things.. so ofcourse i was going to break down in tears. And specially when your husband says its not a big deal?
OK. i understand how you
OK. i understand how you feel. It happened to me many many times...there were times i remember vividly when we were sitting down for dinner and i like usual tried to make a conversation with SS12 by asking him q and he replied by answering the question while facing his father as if my husband was the one who asked him. I then replied "why are you looking at him when i was the one who asked q he then said "i know him longer than you" i mean really??!!! when i have been around for 6 damn years. I felt hurt and i was being ignored and like a dummy especially i just cooked a nice delicious meal!!! but i dint cry...ss12 did alot of things that broke my heart and to say least hurt my feelings when i was the one did all the dirty work cleaning up after this evil kid. But i dint cry..never cried..just hurt..cried occasionally when im fighting with husband over him. But yeah...those were the days...since then i stopped having doing anything got to do with him..anyways he's 14 now. Better i stay away from him...away from his sight and sound. I just do my own things each time he's over my place. Good things husband stopped giving me hard time bout me being around him and his d*** kid.
Im sorry to read that, but
Im sorry to read that, but yes i think im too sensitive. And im trying to stay away from him but his family is alreayd talking that i don't care about him, and you know all the drama. Also his mother is supposed to drop him off every other weekend, but somehow she always has an excuse and leaves him 3-4 days a week. And ofcourse his father doesny say anything. He would rather cancel our plans than cancel on his son. Even though he wasnt supposed to come.
I called him 3x and didn't
I called him 3x and didn't even look at me. So he left me with my hand just there. Everyone looked at me and ofcourse it made me feel bad. All of the sudden i was crying
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What? If you cry over something like that...stepland is going to chew you up and spit you out.
disenge ASAP or you will make everyone miserable. Yourself included.
Ad i stated above...
Ad i stated above...
Yes, but the thing is i keep
Yes, but the thing is i keep so much to myself because if i tell my husband im always wrong,overreacting or the bad one. So when sometime hits me and i cant control it them yeah.. and the aunt i mean yes but why would she play along? She goes with him, holds his hand and everything and then goes back tothe uncle and tells him that the kid isn't his bf, but his uncle.
Re the juice issue/the aunt
Re the juice issue/the aunt issue. Kids are like that. Boys will favor a particular lady and basically ignore everyone. They don't have the capacity to understand how their actions can actually hurt people's feelings. He is six. He doesn't realize what he did hurt your feelings and yeah, I think anyone laughing would be doing it because they think it's funny that the kid has a crush on this grown female.
Re the dog comment. maybe he feels you are expecting too much of a 6 yo? Maybe that is a conversation you need to have with DH? Also, does your dog leave a bunch of stuff around? maybe your DH is tired of the mess? Never hurts to ask him.
I dont see how the dog will
I dont see how the dog will be a problem because i look & clean after it and them too. So for him to compare the dog with his son.. probably he feels i care more about my dog than his son.
I care WAY more for my dog
I care WAY more for my dog than for my DH's son. But SS is grown not a child.
I adore my dog. I do not even tolerate ss30.
I do too. My dog is the only
I do too. My dog is the only one who gets happy when i come home.
I would say first that you
I would say first that you have to figure out RIGHT NOW how to not let a 6yo manipulate you into tears.
One way is to smack the little shit on the ass with paddle when he gets snarky. The shoe incident is a perfect example. If you are not of sufficient confidence to apply corporal punishment then next time something like the shoe incident occurs throw the offending shoes away. Never say a word about it. After a few pairs of shoes goes missing your DH may figure out that his spawn needs to pick his shit up off of the floor.
As for the dog.... dogs are pets. Kids are supposed to be thinking people. Your DH's comparing his toxic spawn to a dog is telling. I would assign SS-6 the chore of picking up after the dog. }:) That should generate a ton of entertaining crap from SS and DH.
Enjoy.