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SD taking my clothes - still!

MsMad's picture

Got to rant & vent.

SD just called me to get her wireless speaker from her room for her man to come & collect (as that is where she is ATM££.

I go in to find a bra of ine on her floor - what's more is it is broken!! FUMING!!

Apparently she never takes my things anymore......

oneoffour's picture

Wrap the speakers in your bra and put it in a bag for The Man to pick up. And include a note that says "You owe me $25 for a new bra. Thank you"

MsMad's picture

Lol, I like your thinking! Thank you oneoffour

I was out when nan came, but may still do the wrapping up in my bra thing - she is due back Tuesday night.

Do you not think DH will think me childish & ridiculous?

MsMad's picture

Never known my cats to do that HeavenLike. Certainly wouldn't carry them from room to room - I'm sure of that - especially as it was in my drawer.

You're cat is clever and I have heard of cats stealing washing from lines - my cats are more into food and birds/mice etc.

But thank you for the thought and your comment, I do appreciate all conversation with this xx

MsMad's picture

Hmmm, interesting. I could do I suppose. I know she will probably say she has no idea what I am on about - but I'm just assuming.

So decision - wait til she returns? Phone her?

How to ask.... Dilemma

MsMad's picture

A lovely, calm response Lilac, I think I would feel ok doing that. I am not an overly confident or confrontational person.

Thanks.

MsMad's picture

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notasm3's picture

How old is she? I take it old enough to wear your bras. Unless she is 12 or 13 rip her a new one big time. You need to virtually cram that broken bra (I hope it had wires) up her ass.

Tell her you will report her to the police the next time her effing ass steals your belongings.

twoviewpoints's picture

If she's just started wearing bras, I'm guessing she was curious. Perhaps difference between your bra and her own. She may not have known how to work the hooks/closures.

That doesn't excuse just taking your bra nor not coming to you and confessing what happened. Sit her down when she comes home and show her the broken bra. Ask her about it and discuss how her taken it was unacceptable. How her just helping herself to items that are not her own is unacceptable. Give her a appropriate consequence . As this child is basically left in your care to tend to and teach this is your role to see the incident through.

" I act like a mother/childminder type of thing." from your profile. Some would argue this isn't your role. However as you've accepted it in your home, these are the types of incidents you need to handle.

MsMad's picture

Ok, calmed myself down. She has returned home. I asked her and showed her the bra called
My. She said she doesn't know how it got in her room or what happened!

FUMING NOW!!

P.S. She had brought get back some leggings of mine she denied having (I asked her Nan to make sure they got returned).

I really don't know what to do. I have a spare room in the house for all my things - do I really need to get a lock on it???

Cover1W's picture

Yes! You need a lock!

I had to put a lock on my makeup items and move all my nice bath things to the bedroom (when we had only one bath). Because the SDs would not stay out of my things no matter how many times they were told no, destroyed some of my eyeliners and lipstick, missing makeup brushes, half-empty containers that were almost full the day before, etc...DP did NOT help and even tried defending them. After that lock went on and items removed, NO further issues. SD12 (then 10) "borrowed" one of my shirts ONCE and I think I scared the heck out of her so she never did that again...she knows to ASK first before even using my phone charger.

In our new home I had to install locks on the cupboards in the laundry room because house fix-it items I use and need were missing; and again, DP was zero help and even blamed me. Nope, locks installed and no one, NO ONE, gets in without my permission. So basically, no one asks and I have everything I need always.

I have threatened to lock up items in the garage and office as well - but so far so good on that.

Locks WORK. Esp. with kids with no ramifications or boundaries.

MsMad's picture

I've got to remove my bathroom items. I was afraid I was being childish with the lock - but looks like it really might be necessary. Yes, I get the defence approach or lack of involvement with the DH.

How did you scare her? I don't know how to go about licking my room door...?? All be to me - advice very welcome. How did you go about locking the doors of the rooms?

Thank you for your reply - I really think I need to do this now. X

Cover1W's picture

I scared her by talking realllllly slow, and really serious and told her she was not to ever borrow clothes ever w/out asking. I think she just knew she went over the line.

MsMad's picture

Ok, I'm no DIY person, I'll seek someone if her doesn't do it.

In just thinking - I have stuff of mine in the spare room (crafts) as I haven't all the space in my box room of clothes/makeup. I don't know how to go about securing everything. It's ridiculous!

Cover1W's picture

It's so easy to change a doorknob!
They all come with instructions....just install slowly one step at a time. Should take you maybe an hour the first time (?) if not used to it.

You can also buy containers that lock and stuff like that - then a combo lock is easy to put on it (oh, I do have one of those in our shed out back }:) ).

Seems like a locking doorknob is all you need if you are the only one that uses your craft room. Just move you clothes in there too.

I think it's really odd she's trying on your bras. No one I know does, or did that. But skids have done crazier things.

MsMad's picture

Brilliant
, thanks for all your support!

Going to get containers with locks defo! i have mentioned door lock to DH and think he will do it (but I feel I'm being petty and acting OTT).

I am due to go away by myself a few days next month and I am not leaving my stuff unlocked to all!

It's so ridiculous !!!

MsMad's picture

Going on from that too - as I don't want SD in my room she doesn't want me in hers. I do her laundry ATM - where would you put clothes after washing for her to put away?

She is sometimes away at her Nan's - what do you recommend for then?

I am feeling so angry that I am feeling that I will stop washing her clothes etc.

Cover1W's picture

Ok here's the deal.
You are the adult and this is your home, i.e. You help pay rent, mortgage, utilities and so on and she is the kid. You get full access to house whenever you want. You go in her room when you need to. If she's there knock first.

I personally Changed the doorknobs on SDs doors to non-locking. When we moved in.
I made it clear to DP that we get full access any time - he didn't like it at first but now gets it.

Things have progressed and due to other issues I no longer enter SD12s room by choice. Cleanliness is all on DP and her.
I taught both SDs to use the washer/dryer. If they don't use it it's not my problem. Teach her to do her laundry, and be done with it.
I still go into SD10s room but she's less of an issue although I'm starting to see similar problems like SD12 has.

I never take out their trash and I never clean their bathroom.
I let DP know, firmly but nicely, what I will and won't do. You need to know what your limits are when disengaging first and foremost and never back down...it will backfire every time.

MsMad's picture

Thanks for your reply and advice Smile it has really helped me come to grips with it all.

Love you're advice on not ever backing down! Been there, done that and not worth it!! Thank you - got some good thoughts and ideas now Smile

MsMad's picture

Thanks Sally - reassuring to my rights on the bedroom thing. I agree with the clean, tidy and not taking things 109% I will see, but based on my decision and choice.

Is it not petty not doing her laundry if I do mine and SOs?

Thanks for the disengaging link I will read it - I also want to get the Stepmonster book.

MsMad's picture

Thanks - I can't help feel that would be selfish and childish. He knows what she does - and today I have found my expensive makeup in her room which went missing a few weeks ago. But I have his support behind me, I am just not a confident person or like confrontation myself.