How does everyone go about vacation or camping with skids?
My DH is really itching for us to go on a trip together, with SD, I have no bios for those that don't know my story. Aside of short things, I've managed to avoid trips with her. DH & I usually go on trips alone, as it is our only way to have alone time longer than every other weekend. I'd like to stop avoiding, but my DH isn't hearing me on one major issue.
I want a separate hotel room or separate space/room in a hotel room & a separate tent for camping, DH & I in our space & SD in hers. I'm not comfortable sleeping in front of SD, anyone I haven't slept near with a great frequency. It stems from a childhood trauma. I need a space separate from skid or I won't sleep. If I don't sleep, I'll be a moody b.
Is it too much to ask that I have a separate sleep space with my DH? SD is 9, almost 10. I feel like a small suite should be fine or 2 connecting rooms. He says half the fun of the vacation is going to sleep in the same room or tent & he doesn't want to go unless he gets the same space. I feel like if I'm willing to go on vacation with SD, that should be enough. My next issue is I fear I'll go insane & be a total b the whole time, if I don't get alone time at night, especially since I know I won't be sleeping. I don't want to spend all day & night with the kid. I'll go mad. Does anyone else have an issue like this? How do you all go about vacation with skids?
I think I'm going to have to
I think I'm going to have to try it once, so I can fall back on "remember the last time", lol. I hear you though, the alone time would be much appreciated. Id love to stay by myself, that or I'd go away by myself or with a friend. He's still pushing the family vacation though. I fear I'm going to have to do it once. I need him to bend on the sleeping conditions though. Sorry all your recent family trips have included potato:(. Maybe a couples retreat is in order after all of that!
I won't sleep with skids in
I won't sleep with skids in the room, either. We tried it a couple of times and it didn't work. We did a road trip (where we mostly stayed with family members) and a few long weekends, and it made all of us miserable.
I'll never forget the long weekend we took to Washington DC. It was at SD's request. She wanted to see the Lincoln Memorial. Quite literally within 15 minutes of leaving our car (and 5 minutes of arriving at the National Mall), she was complaining about being tired and "getting dehydrated." That was my done moment.
DH is OK at this point with not taking them on vacations with us.
I know we're all going to be
I know we're all going to be miserable too, with absolutely zero personal space from each other. I am already envisioning the drive, her endless chatter & complaints. I can't stand all the complaining. What's a brat, complaining when the trip was specifically where she wanted to go!
He says half the fun of the
He says half the fun of the vacation is going to sleep in the same room or tent
He is mistaken, that's called a sleep over.
You have compromised by agreeing to the "family" trip, he can compromise on the sleeping arrangements.
This is exactly my point! I'm
This is exactly my point! I'm compromising by going with her, all I ask is a separate sleeping space.
I did it once, I turned in a
I did it once, I turned in a project early when we were first dating and broke my ass to get it done so we could go away for the long weekend. Never again. Never ever ever ever ever again. I came back to work having finished exams this project and gone on this long weekend - had a panic attack. Short of breath and palpitations, thought I would die. Everyone else had taken the weekend to recuperate sleep in watch movies and generally enjoy themselves - I had put myself through hell and back for a bunch of shite.
I have avoided all holidays since then with them.
It's annoying cause partner does a big trip every year with them for a few weeks- the only trips we get together are a long weekend to a week trips. It would be nice to do something longer by ourselves too
Aww. I'm sorry you had a bad
Aww. I'm sorry you had a bad time, when you worked so hard to go.
SD was bounced around so much
SD was bounced around so much as a child, that she has no problem sleeping in new or strange places. I would've when little, but she doesn't. So that's not an issue. I like the idea of the tent with separate rooms. I have 1, but he wants to put our stuff in the rooms, lol.
Perhaps encourage him to take
Perhaps encourage him to take a daddy/daughter camping trip instead. Tell him that it would be nice for them to have some one on one quality time, tell him it would be so special for them to bond in that way..... be all nice and giddy about it totally encouraging it.... see if he falls for it and then celebrate when they are both gone.
I hate traveling and taking trips with the stepkids, it was never fun for me.
I've been on multiple
I've been on multiple vacations/trips with the SD's. Usually, we stay in a house where we have our own room. On other occasions, we usually get adjoining rooms. If he is worried about sleeping in the same room for fun, he can sleep with princess and you get the king size bed to yourself... lol.
Camping they had their own tent.
The problem with your
The problem with your scenario is that you just have one kid to deal with. It's easier to do when there are two so the kid doesn't get scared/lonely. I know it sounds cray cray but if you brought one of her friends, that might make things actually easier. (if the other kid is reasonably low maintenance). the kids can do a fair amount of self entertaining.
I had this same thought of
I had this same thought of her bringing a friend. The problem is, she doesn't really have many.
Cousin? other relative?
Cousin? other relative?
That is a thought I have had.
That is a thought I have had. I have one SD and no kids of my own. We have that issue on most day trips and holidays.
I have done the one room thing, so not relaxing!! No adult time is horrible! Sorry to say, but see if he can see that you need somewhere to have some couple time and also somewhere to breakaway to yourself. I learnt this the hard way. When I get stressed I break away into our adult room, to read, colour or listen to music UNDISTURBED.
Thanks for the specific hotel
Thanks for the specific hotel rec's. I really appreciate it.
I agree with the fairness of
I agree with the fairness of safety, having separate compartments in the tent or adjoining rooms in a hotel or B&B. We have had more successful holidays in B&B's with family, adjoining room. So the SD was in a separate room, but joined and safe. I am now at the stage of realising how good with accommodation & facilities, that caravan holidays are good ATM.
I would definitely mention or look into this. That would be one issue solved. Xx
We have done several trips
We have done several trips with BS9, me and BF. BF is uncomfortable with BS9 in our room, it really does not cost much more to upgrade.
We did a waterpark for a weekend, had a king bed for us in a bedroom, and then BS9 had a sofa-sleeper in the living room area. He was happy as a clam with a TV (none in his room at home!).
On Monday we rented a cabin for an overnight at the lake. Had a queen for us, and a sofa sleeper for BS9 - with a curtain between, which was enough privacy for BF. Besides after a day boating BS9 was passed out and an earthquake would not have woken him up!
You can get tents with separate pods.
I would not have BS9 in a separate hotel room. He is too young, and if he freaked out I would not be aware. But the quite has worked well for us.
When I was with ex, we would vacation with us, BS and the 4 skids. It never bothered me, as long as they were not in the actual bed with me, but that is a personal thing - I have always traveled and bunked up with people.
Compromise is needed here. You can still do the sleep over thing in a suite "together", just get some adult time once kid is asleep!
After my first trip with DP
After my first trip with DP and SD(then10) and SD(then 9), we shared a room for 3 nights, I told him NEVER AGAIN until certain expectations were met:
1) They ate where the adults decided to eat within reason.
2) They did not scream and yell in the room.
3) They cleaned up after themselves (i.e. did not make a mess in general areas) and bathed/brushed teeth, etc.
Things have improved (while on trips - don't get me started on home issues! LOL!).
We have been on one trip since then that had rooms next to each other (we monitored them) and shared rooms too. The best thing is to find a suite with a living area and with a couch that turns into a bed. BINGO. Best. Ever. Sometimes price is an issue so I get that. We're going on a trip the end of summer and will have 5 nights in a room with SDs. They are older so it's better but we do sneak to the bar every so often or set them up with a movie. Outdoor patios are also great because "it's boring out here" and then we have it to ourselves.
If you choose to go then you will need to set expectations for your partner. Who will watch her when you are in public? Who will monitor bed times? Who will make sure she eats? Etc. All those answers better be your partner.
Stay at an Embassy Suite.
Stay at an Embassy Suite. Their rooms are all two rooms, at least. Plus a great breakfast.
Two bedrooms for sure. All
Two bedrooms for sure. All in one room is too much togetherness. Adjoining rooms or a suite is the way to go.
In the past we would put the kids in one room and we would be in the other.
The other thing that we did was... DH stayed at the hotel with his kids and me and my kids stayed together. That worked out good too.
Maybe SD could bring a friend and that would then be more of a reason why she should have her own room.
When we go on family
When we go on family vacations, we book a suite/condo/family room that has at least a couple of rooms, preferably where we can sleep in a space alone and all the kids elsewhere. My kids are getting to the age/size that they really need their own sleep space also.
We skipped the family vacation this year...too expensive.
I would not be comfortable
I would not be comfortable with a 9 year old having a separate tent. How about you volunteer to have the separate space and let dh and sd share a space (not neccessarily a bed but a space)
Unfortunately, I have
Unfortunately, I have suffered through quite a few vacations with the skids before figuring out the best vacation and layout for all of us. But ultimately, at this point, I doubt I will ever go on a vacation with the skids again. I recently had DS and he is now my excuse why I can't go on vacations. DH is free to go himself with the skids.
I am also a light sleeper and I have an overly optimistic DH who wants everyone to sleep in the same room. It took the multiple trips and me telling DH that I was going to kill all of them in their sleep for him to finally get it through his thick skull that the arrangement wasn't working for me. DH also did not want the kids sleeping in separate quarters, but did not want to pay for an extra hotel room.
I have to say that the most successful trips for me with the skids have been camping trips. The first one however was absolutely horrid because it was 4 of us sleeping in one tent. I had both kids kicking me all night. I ended up just sleeping in my car reclined for the last two night of the trip. After that, I told DH never again, so he finally relented and said the kids would sleep in their own tent. Once we had that arrangement, camping was so much better. And, it was a lot better than a hotel, where we always had the same room.
Also, for me, road trip vacations with the skids have been horrendous. Being stuck in a car with them all day will seriously make you think about murder. lol. I would highly advise against it. They were so annoying and whiny and just put me in the worst mood. DH and I would spend nights whisper fighting in the hotel bathroom, while they slept. It was a nightmare.
You can rent camper trailers.
You can rent camper trailers. They have a bed room in them and a couch that folds into bed or the table turns into a bed. I went camping with my h and his daughter it my son came Along too. The only thing my std12 wanted to do was to walk around the camp ground alone. I've seen and know the dangers in the world so that bothered me and I made my son walk around with her. In reality what she was trying to do was to go to the pavilion where there was wi fi. At 9 they want to be their dads shadow sometimes it's a give and take and can get annoying.
Well it is pretty simple.
Well it is pretty simple. You chuck the spawn in the car, toss the camping gear or bags in the trunk, and head to the campground or airport. End of problem.
As for sleeping arrangements. Book a two room suite or two hotel rooms with a connecting door. End of that problem. Since you already said this. It is a pretty simple concept which you already pointed out.
Now for camping.... A bit different. A 9yo may have some concerns about being in a tent by themselves particularly in a wilderness environment. This is also easily solved. There are many options for tents including models with sleeping pods with their own zipped door that separates them from the main tent area.
I actually agree with your DH on this. Don't ruin this for everyone else. Suck it up butter cup and don't take the diva panties on the vacation or camping trip.
When SD is older then of course the dynamic should change. But... family vacations are family vacations and few of the classic family vacation stories include "so we banished the spawn to her own space and ......."
... "Well, since it is
... "Well, since it is apparent you have no respect for me or my desire for personal space, why don't you move into SD's room... for the fun of it."
I have only ever shared a sleeping space with SD when money or circumstances absolutely required it.
I think this all depends on
I think this all depends on the age of the SKid and the nature of the vacation. We started our blended family adventure before SS turned 2yo.
As the custodial side of our blneded family equation when he was young, he was with us when we were all on vacation. He had his own bed or sleeping bag but not his own segregated space.
In fact even through his teens until he launched I don't think we rented separate rooms or used multiple tents. Not sure why, we just didn't.
If the Skids are older then separate sleeping spaces are fine, younger... again... it depends.
We took sd on 2 vacations. 1
We took sd on 2 vacations. 1 to the beach and a weekend in another state to visit my family. If the beach trip had happened before the family trip she would not have come.
She was terrible at the beach. Her sandals i got her for the trip she wore to her moms the say before and they were "lost" , she didnt listen, i paid over 200 for us to go to a waterpark and she whined the entire time and refused to go on age appropriate things wanted to o ly go in the baby area. Refused to eat properly. The fanily visit she was more well behaved.
Funny thing is i had a friend who was so much younger then her sibs she was like a spoiled only child. Her parents ALWAYS took a friend for her on their vacations, thats how i got to go to florida lol we all slept in the same room one night, and my friend was wild so the next night they bought a seperate room for us. I went to this friends brothers weddings, trips to see gma in the nursing home,i was also "used" as incentive to go to church lol
Good thing i was the friend who was down to go anywhere.
We take a skid family
We take a skid family vacation once a year. (I don't have any bio kids either.)
One or two vacations we tried to all fit in one room when the kids were still younger and smaller. I went crazy that their shit was all over the room. (Found dirty underwear on top of the clean clothes I sat out the night before.)
We ALWAYS get two hotel rooms now. Adjoining or a suite where DH and I have a door we can close to our bedroom space.
Especially now that all the kids are in puberty and teenagers!!!
And since I make arrangements, I keep the vacations short. (One day at a waterpark. Two days visiting a major big city nearby. Four days was the most when we went to the beach-which included one day flying in and one day flying out.)
I also have the rule that they each bring the same amount of THEIR OWN money on the trip. This way when they want something they have their own money and then they make the decision to buy it or not. It is never an argument or begging session between the kids and DH or me.
4 years ago, DH and I planned
4 years ago, DH and I planned a week away with PrincASS and PigPen. We planned to leave early on a Saturday (drive Sat/Sun, stay 4 days, drive home Fri/Sat as DH had to work Sun night). Tuesday before we were scheduled to go - 4 DAYS - BioHo decided to take all of her kids on a mini-vacation to a water park - leaving on Thursday and returning late Tuesday (later found she'd planned it as soon as she knew our plans but didn't tell her kids until last minute). But she would generously drop off PA and PP at our house Tuesday night so we could hit the road first thing Wednesday morning. DH was absolutely FURIOUS and told her to forget it and just take them straight home. He had me cancel our reservation (thankfully, it was refundable) and has never again mentioned taking the skids on vacation for so much as a weekend.
Frankly, I've reached the point where I don't think there is enough money in the world for me to vacation with the skids.
Is there anyone that would be
Is there anyone that would be willing to let their child go with? You could get a separate hotel room for the two girls and then stay in your own separate room? Maybe there's room for a little compromise. If you don't feel heard/understood then I wouldn't go.