How often does your DH have his son?

You have a spouse problem, not a SS problem.

If you can't discuss the problems with your DH and arrive at a mutual agreement, then you should end the relationship. I don't think most rational people enter a marriage with a plan to divorce, unfortunately sometimes life turns out way different than what we expect, and we aren't able to make something work regardless of effort.

I'm sorry. It sounds like your SS has a lot of behavioral issues that your husband isn't addressing. I also have an SS with lots of problems and I have stopped wanting to parent him because DH and I have different parenting styles. The positive in my relationship is that my DH will eventually listen to things I say. It's usually after a big blowout, but eventually he realizes that I read situations correctly much more frequently than he does. He trusts me and my judgement a lot. Your husband should respect you and your opinions about child rearing.

Plus, if you think he is the spawn of satan now, it's not going to get better. My DH tried to convince me that SS's behavior was "normal" when we were dating. I never hung out with kids so I didn't know, so I trusted DH, even though I really felt like SS was a little bit off. SD was nothing like her brother. Now, I'm dealing with much bigger issues with SS. If your DH is not dealing with SS's issues now, they are going to be bigger issues later.

ashley noel, sorry to hear about your situation. I wish I had advice for you. I'm pretty much in the same boat, but with older stepkids. I thought as they got older it would be easier because they would mature and communicate better. I'm not of a kid person and younger kids really baffle me...I never know what to say/do around them. It seems like older kids are easier to talk to. But after 5 years things only got worse and I'm at the point of leaving. Unfortunately it's not always that simple. My DH and I get along great up until the day before custody and during that time. I'm always on edge and stressed because of the anticipated messes, disrespectful behaviors and attitudes, and just the reminders that they are their mother (a truly disgusting human being).

The only thing I can say is do what makes you happy. If you can, get out. Whether that means remaining in a relationship and having separate spaces or breaking it off completely, that's up to you. If you can't get out, just do what you want when you want. Don't let your schedule be regulated by anything having to do with that demon spawn. Your happiness is the top priority.

And if you haven't, read Stepmonster. Have your SO read it too. Sometimes it helps everyone understand what it is truly like for a stepmom. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but unfortunately, I think you're a big part of the problem.

The behaviour that your DH didn't correct when your SS was 3 is now, at age 7, a big problem. But it sounds like it's the same behaviour.

Do you think in the last 4 years that your DH learned how to be a better parent? What has he been doing to make sure he provides his kid with structure, routine and consequences? If he hasn't grown as a parent, he's just gotten older - then no wonder your SS hasn't matured either.

If this kid was really crazy out of line yet the parents knew they were providing a loving home with consistent discipline and guidance, then those good parents would be off getting medical or other professional help to figure out how to help their kid.

If the kid is behaving badly because a parent can't or won't provide the firm guidance and loving structure a child needs to grow in character and maturity, then it really doesn't matter how out of hand things get, the parent will continue to make excuses.

Blaming you - for any part of this - is just an excuse. I'm sure you're not perfect, but I'm also sure you have done nothing to create the monster of an SS you describe.

So you're married to a man who blames you for his failures as a parent, and expects you to put up with not only a terrible SS but also gets angry with you if you complain about the raw deal you've gotten.

I'd say you are the only one who wants things to change. The fact that you are sitting around waiting for your DH, who you know will do nothing, or your SS, who isn't able to mature without any parenting, seems like you're A-OK with everything just as it is.

The less YOU take action to make your life what you want it to be, the more YOU create or contribute to your problems.

Good luck with this. You've got a lot to deal with!

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know myself that life doesn't always go as we planned. I really feel for you. I'm in a very similar situation. It is particularly hard when you are childless. You have to deal with having some other woman's kid around all the time that disrespects you and back talks and repeats stuff like a little parrot and goes back and tells all your business to Mom. Then you have the Bio Mom always lurking and causing trouble out of jealousy or inability to move on. Mom fills the kids head with crap. It can be a nightmare. There are soooo many other things that make this hard. It would take too long to write them all down. Mini wife, guilty father, etc. etc. it just goes on and on. Nothing the step mom does is EVER good or right with the Bio Mom either. You just can't win. You care for the child and you're hated merely for existing. The dad dotes on the kid and you're last all the time (which sucks). So, yeah, I feel ya TOTALLY. I'm glad that you found this place, like me. It makes you feel bad to have these feelings, I understand.

I always heard that step SONS were easier than step Daughters - I guess not lol Mine just arrived from Mom's. I haven't seen her in a week. She totally ignored me and just put on the tv! Her first day back from mom's is always "special" It's always the worst!!!

I don't know what to say- I have read this post with interest.