Introduction
I am 25 yr old. I live with my 23 yr old bf and his 4 yr old son. (Half the time). His BM is 21. She is not a complete nightmare but not a joy either. My bf had to marry her bc she was underage and her dad wanted to send her away. They are STILL married. She just graduated from nursing school and my BF has been taking care of their son the WHOLE time. She pays zero rent, zero bills and does not work. She is very difficult when it comes to times and money. I feel as though my needs and wants are often put after hers.
- J.f's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Since they are married they
Since they are married they do not have a visitation agreement so there is no schedule. They pretty much let SS4 decide when and where he wants to go which i feel is completely unrealistic. Also, my bf does not have a car since he gave BM his, so the dropping off and picking up falls on me and my car. I have began to resent this very mich ad it is expecyrd rather than askrd of me.
Walk away. Tell him to call
Walk away. Tell him to call you once he's divorced, has a visitation agreement and has some boundaries set up.
Probably shouldve mentioned
Probably shouldve mentioned that all these issues with BM happened before we were together and they have been apart for 4 years now. Boundaries are pretty well established as they only speak about their child. As for the rest of it I dont do anything I dont want to do, and I simply thought this site was a place you could come to vent without being judged, ridiculed or lectured.
Nursing school? Good for BM.
Nursing school? Good for BM. She went from a young pregnant teen to emerging ready to support her child. It couldn't have been easy with a newborn, baby, toddler. Kudos to her.
There is no reason there is no parenting plan in place. People separated and getting a divorce settle visitation and CS issues for that time period all the time. Children don't go into limbo just because their parents divorce decree isn't finalized.
Walk away until he is
Walk away until he is divorced. The length of time they have been apart doesn't matter. Legally you have no standing but she does. If he died tomorrow guess what would happen to everything he owns? If any life/death decisions needed to be made, it would be up to her. He is taking care of his WIFE and his child. I bet you'd want him to do the same for you if you were his wife and had his child.
I'm sure that his wife, who managed to dig out of a very difficult start to life and get a degree that is NOT east to obtain, will start contributing financially to her own situation soon. She wouldn't go thru nursing school so she could continue to not work, unless she is insane. Depending on the state and employers in the area she may need to actually pass the NCLEX prior to working.
You are choosing to stay with a married man. Every choice has consequences.
I am your age, my Stepson is
I am your age, my Stepson is the same age as yours and that's about where our similarities end. As a person who kind of knows about where you are in life I also think you should leave. The guy you are shackling yourself to has no car, still married (and therefore obligated to also pay any of BMs debt she's aquiring) and he has a child. My DH had his shit together when I started dating him-it's the only reason I even considered it. You are twenty-five, you should be going out to Thirsty Thursday's and Taco Tuesday's working on a good career for your future without spending extra time on money on a child that's not yours for a guy that's still married to his wife.
Yeah, OP has some huge
Yeah, OP has some huge dealbreakers going on. I never would have given my DH the time of day at 21 (we've been together since SS was 10m) if he didn't already have a house, two cars, a stable job and his custody schedule worked out with BM. Of course when I came along she became difficult but DH has always stuck up for me, prioritized me, DIDNT make me his son's babysitter or try to get me to keep house for him. I think he knows where I could be now if I hadn't of slowed down to date him. My family (all nuclear, no steps at all from the grandparents to the grandchildren) were really nervous about DH running off with BM after using me as a babysitter. I'm very glad he proved them wrong and has always taken care of business. She needs to leave and it's easy for my to say it because I feel like I know what lines in the sand she should already have for her even to dream of a semi-bearable steplife.
Maxwell I though you were
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: Maxwell I though you were much older than that. You and my son are the same age. (well he'll be 25 this fall)
I thought so too.
I thought so too.
Haha! Yes I'm 25...I don't
Haha! Yes I'm 25...I don't know if being a stepmom my age has made it easier (able to keep up with SS4 and bounce back from weekly BM drama) or scarier (I could be three years into my teaching career!! haha just kidding, I love being a SAHM to biobaby1).
OK, assuming you want to stay
OK, assuming you want to stay with him .... why not move out? Why the need to live with him? Sure, it cuts costs for both of you but as you can see things can get messy fast.
Basically he probably loves you but the bonus is he gets a car to use for his son pickups. I would tell him that as he gave his wife (because that is what she is and I would refer to her as 'your wife' until he gets divorced)his car then she should be bringing the child over to him. That is the least she can do. After all, he didn't HAVE to give her his car. He did it to be nice. So in being nice he lost his mode of transport. What did he do before he met you? How did he get to see his son? How was he making his bills? Was he coping OK before you came along and moved in?
This is the biggest problem I see these days. People meet and wham bam they are moving in together before either of you get the chance to see if this is really a good thing for now or something long lasting. And think of what this does to the kids involved.
I would tell him that I am moving out. When you are divorced and have a custody plan filed with the court we can think about moving in together with a view to a permanent arrangement. In the meantime I am living elsewhere and will not be available to run your son back and forth to your wife's place. So you need to get things in order so we can get on with our life together.
Sweetie, sadly you are being used. I am sure he is wonderful and he seems like a great fit. However right now he is in the middle of disengaging with his ex. And until he is divorced and he has a custody arrangement in stone he is not available.