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In laws and favouritism.

Cparker's picture

We have my step daughter every other week. She'll be 4 soon. She's an okay kid, has her days. My husband and I have 5 month old twins. My problem is with my in laws. The weeks that she's here, they're always calling to check on her or asking him if they can come and pick her up. They never ask about my kids. Ever. On the weeks she's not here, we don't hear from them at all. I don't expect anybody to watch them, they're good babies but twins are a handful at any age. My husband swears I'm making something out of nothing since they're so young. But I hurt for my kids. I don't want them to grow up and know that they're treated differently from her. He told me I'm "jealous" of her relationship with them. I feel like I'm the only person who stands up for them sometimes.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Oh. My. God. This.

I would take an uninvolved in-law over my overbearing "I know everything" overstep boundaries preventing us from parenting claiming we're keeping our child away from her psychotic pain in the ass mother in law.

COUNT your blessing girl. Seriously. Take it from someone who's going through trying to excise the parasite I described above from my life.

(For the record, at the beginning if my MIL was like yours, I would have been hurt--but now I'd do anything to have that over what we have now.)

WalkOnBy's picture

Mom of twins here.....focus on your kids and don't worry about grandma and grandpa right now. They may come around, they may not, but that's not your concern right now.

momjeans's picture

"They never ask about my kids. Ever".

Im reading this as you don't want or need them for childcare or help - just to be a part of their life. Am I correct? If this is the case, I can see why you're hurt. I have asshole in-laws that show preferential treatment towards DH's daughter from his first marriage. It's unfortunate because my own mother is deceased. Children deserve a close bond with others, preferably grandparents, outside of their parents. If my own mom were here - it would be a non-issue.

"He told me I'm "jealous" of her relationship with them".

That's a jerky, dishonorable thing to say. Seriously... what an ass.

Tuff Noogies's picture

OP i kind of lean towards your husband's POV. 5m is still very, very young, even if the grandparents were more involved it wouldnt be anything but holding, feeding, diapering, and cleaning spit-up. what are they going to do, call you and ask how many times they crapped today? give it time, it's quite possible that when they can actually interact better with them they may show more interest. four (your sd) is a really fun age for a g-parent, let them dote on her.

if things dont change as the twins get older, wait and see if you can figure out why. some g-parents are just closer to some grandkids than others and it may not be favoritism, just personalities. think of it in terms of other relatives - i have 5 uncles, but just two i feel closer to. i have 20 cousins, and just one i feel closer to. on the other hand, my MIL shows blatant favoritism towards one of the kids, which is wrong and pisses me off to no end. just wait it out until they get older and see how things develop.