Pregnant!
Forums:
Exciting news, I'm pregnant! I have SD18 who is now at uni and SD11 who visits EOWE. This will obviously affect SD11 more so I was just wondering if anyone has advice on what has worked for them once they have a child of their own. We told SD11 this morning and she was happy, said she was hoping it would be a little brother so that is a good start so far. I don't think we will have any issues but it is always good to hear from those that have gone before.
Hope I can get get some advice on things that have made this change go smoothly or perhaps things that you wish you did differently. Thanks everyone!
So glad to hear this was you
So glad to hear this was you and not a SD! Congrats. I have no advice as I was past child bearing age when I met DH.
Congratulations on the happy
Congratulations on the happy news!
I have no experience about this subject, but I would caution against this: "I don't think we will have any issues..."
Others with experience will weigh in, and I'm fairly certain that ALL kids have issues at some point with another child being added to the family. Jealousy, primarily. From what my mother said, my sister hated it when I was born, but my brother just loved me to bits. And he still does!
Don't let your guard down - some issues may manifest further on. Just make sure you AND YOUR DH are prepared and unified in your approach, and you'll be fine.
I suppose what I mean by not
I suppose what I mean by not having issues is more to do with some of the big issues I read about other families. SD11 has a little sister from her mums new relationship so it's not completely new. However the difference will be a Daddys house now she gets all the attention, now it will be spilt. However we also both know that SD11 needs that special one on one attention when she is here, espeically from her Dad so we will try and divide between that and family time. I'm sure there will be bumps but I think the age difference will actually work in our favour. It's easier to have "different" rules for different ages and SD11 is really good with babies and young childeren.
Hoping we just don't make any big mistakes on our part. E.g. telling SD11 she no longer has a permanent room cause we moved the baby in there! As long as we avoid things like that I will at least feel that we have tried our best to keep everyone happy
Haha, DH has been the one
Haha, DH has been the one most keen on having kids! I think because he had SD18 quite young he still has the energy to embrace the baby stages again - time will tell
Hoping for you that your SD11
Hoping for you that your SD11 STAYS happy about the baby. if you have a crazy BM expect her to go bonkers when she gets the news and do whatever she can to turn SD against you and the baby. I wish you the best, but stay on guard!
Thanks, yes BM can be a bit
Thanks, yes BM can be a bit difficult but usually over the little things like changing pick up time by an hour at the last minute etc. Very annoying and something that will not be as OK once we have a bub so yes - will be on guard!
I think I can see where you
I think I can see where you are coming from and I would agree with serious illness especially when bub is very small. However SD11 is a very important part of the family. If it was an easy matter of swapping a weekend it would probably be in the best interest of everyone since the travel time between houses is a few hours as well.
But yes, SD11 has two parents to fight for her best interests, and our bub will have the same
Was that comment at me
Was that comment at me HeavenLike? Only because if it is I just want to clarify. I was trying to see where HRNYC was coming from and take some good from it. Like I said if SD11 was really sick it would probably make more sense to swap weekends anyway for us. It is now 4 hours between our houses which is not a fun car trip if you are not feeling well. However, we would be and always have been happy for her to visit no matter what, but sometimes it has been in everyone's best interest to swap a weekend. But I do agree with what you are saying that DH is just a much responsible for the welfare of SD11 as he will be for bub, not just when it's convenient :)I wouldn't love him as I do if he didn't feel that way.
Thanks so much! Yes, at the
Thanks so much! Yes, at the moment she is really is. She was talking about what she could make for the baby and was trying to work out how she could make a teddy bear that would be baby safe. I'm sure the reality of a crying baby may reduce that excitement later but I'm sure all the positives will be there as well
Congrats notastepmum! Some
Congrats notastepmum! Some good points and advice especially about not making too many changes during visitation. For the past 6 months I have been spending more time away during parts of the weekend when SD11 is here just so we didn't have a sudden change of all attention on SD11 and then suddenly "competing" with a baby. We plan at do a similar situation as you have said about DH spending the one on one time with SD11 each visit plus having family time as well. Very important that she still gets that as much as possible. SD11 left DH and I a survey each about the baby when she left this time haha. Was very detailed about ideas for a baby name, what colours we like etc. We have strict instructions to have the survey completed for her next visit! At least we are off to a good start
We also made sure to point out that the baby would start off in our room and later we would turn the study into the babys room so she knows that her room is still her room. Her only response to that was being worried that I wouldn't have anywhere to work from anymore
Congratulations, I know you
Congratulations, I know you and h are ecstatic. Kids from another time that was once was will say they are happy because they don't want to sound heartless, until that baby gets here where they can bond..they see it as a little demon inside. As your belly grows you can grab their hands and let them feel baby kick and that's like bonding. Right now things are very sensitive so don't get yourself upset or over due anything while you are in early stages, 1st trimester.
Good reminder to keep the
Good reminder to keep the stress levels down! We spoke a lot about how we would handle things before I was pregnant so so far so good with not getting too upset or stressed.