Look at it as being an actress. She is fake, you be fake. You can do it!
Look at it as a challenge. Try to figure out her next move and stay one step ahead of her. You have experience on your side.
What I did one summer was I planned a trip (fun and educational at the same time) and I booked two hotel rooms- my husband in the room with the skids and me with mine.
We were together during the day for the outings that I planned but during the down time he was stuck with his little monsters. They loved the vacation as did I but I knew I would have never lasted if we were all together! Yes, they tried to turn their father against me too but we survived. Make all kinds of fun plans for you and your five year old that gets you out of the house and away from SD for the better part of the day if you know that she will be home. Try to be like two ships passing in the night. I am still learning on how to deal with adult skids. It is not easy. Things stay calm for a while and then everything blows up. I am sick of the drama and they seem to enjoy it.

I'm sure you're not the only one with strong ill feelings for their stepchild. I die a little every time I hear that my SS is coming home for a visit. I die even when DH asks me to do anything for him like give him a ride somewhere or pick him up. If we are doing family things and he's involved, I opt out. Its that bad. So don't feel alone. We are all on here acting, pretending, hiding out, disengaging, etc. we are a community.

I would probably hate my SS with a white hot passion as he is one of the most disgusting people I've ever met - but it's too much effort - more than he is worth.

As SS30 was in his 20s (an adult) when I met him I never had an obligation to try to help him. He'd been to countless rehabs and had been in jail and juvie multiple times.

SS30 is a worthless POS. I just try to have NOTHING to do with him.

I've been away from our main home for almost a month (visiting friends and then meeting up with DH in our second home). DH told me that SS wanted to mow our lawn and make sure that I had a beautiful yard to come home to. But he was too busy and was so sorry that he couldn't do that.

Eh - I never expect him to do anything. Even if he had mowed the yard - so what. It's not like we have 3 acres that were overgrown.

DH & I have been married 36 years; every where we have moved (3 times) SD53 has moved in the same town with our Son-in-law (SIL). He has transferred with his job, so SD could be near her "daddy". SD claims the last move was to develop a relationship with me (13 years ago). OMGosh, she almost caused us to divorce and SD never stops. SD lives less than one block from us and I have not had any engagement with her for the past year. DH can engage with SD and family any time, but I do not even speak or go around her.

Long story short; I hate my SD and I understand. My SD never did like me and made no bones about it. I turned the other cheek for 30+ years and when I would not do it any longer, it was a disaster. All of these years my SD has played the same games your SD15 is playing and it probably will never stop.

All I can say is to set boundaries and disengage as much as possible to save yourself. Do not be a victim for years; I let myself in for all my problems, because I let my SD have her way for 30+ years. Just take care of yourself, be true to yourself, and protect your sanity.

If she acts different to you that the others, any chance of installing a nanny cam and showing people what the brat is really like?
Also don't stay married for the sake of a shared daughter with your partner- keep you daughter safe and stop exposing her to the toxic environment that is your sd and to parents where one (your dh) can feel hate to you because of the sd.
I would suggest you get a couple of bits of proof of her behaviour on tape and show them to your bio family to get them back in side with you then show them to dh and his side. Explain this is how she always is to you when others are not around and something needs to be done. If he can't or makes excuses take your child and leave. Don't expose her to hate between her parents and an manipulative half sister anymore
- it's not healthy for her and neither is it healthy for you

Military school is a good start but it is not enough for many kids. I know, I was a military school kid. Fortunately I was one who learned quickly and well that performance and character was the only way to truly thrive in that environment and in life.

When I would go home for the holidays or summer I was never allowed to just lay around or do nothing but play grab ass with my friends. Oh there was plenty of summer fun and parties but there were also chores, family events, long stern talks with mom and dad, and spending time with my younger brother.

Military school is a family tradition in the Rags clan. Dad went, I went, my younger brother went... all to the same school. The school closed in 2002 so we had to find a different school for SS and yes.... he went to military school too. It worked wonders for all four of us. SS still struggled with some of his historical issues during his Jr. and Sr. year of HS at military school but even he gained clarity that his mom and I were able to leverage to get him to extricate his head from his ass and step up to viable adulthood.

I have never hated my SS but I detest and abhor his Sperm Clan beyond imagination. I have hated some of his behaviors but rather than write him off and move him to the same box as the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool I made his redemption my main mission. It worked.

He is now 23 and just finished year 5 of his initial 6 year enlistment in the USAF. Last year he asked me to adopt him. We made that happen.

I recommend that you and DH have a plan for SD before she gets home for the summer. On the first AM she is home sit her down for THE talk, review her duties list, and let her know that if she does what is required that it will be a good summer for her. If she doesn’t then it will be a summer of abject misery. Many military schools have summer camp and she can be sent to one of those if she fails to perform to expectations.

At least that is what I would do were I you.

Good luck.

I don't blame you one bit.

I'm also at a point where I can't stand it when my SD comes for her EOWE visits. Although in my case, it's not really because of SD herself - it's because of her parents. BM and GBM have made my life miserable and my husband is a classic Disney dad. That combination has made it really difficult for me to want her to be around.

Anyone that knows me and has read my posts knows that I have the market cornered on hating skids!!! }:)

I completely understand and most definitely can relate. It is nauseating and maddening having to deal with these pos skids in our lives, causing problems in our homes and within our marriages etc...having everyone think they are God's gift to humanity and US seeing the truth/true colors and our SOs wearing rose colored glasses on the regular is enough to want to punch puppies (not really but you catch my drift)...there is nothing that I want more at this point in my life than for that fucking kid to be gone...permanently!!!

You are not alone my friend...we understand...it is a daily struggle...and we all have our breaking point, I am just waiting for mine to come...*hugs*

Oh you're in good company. I felt extreme hate for ss31 for the first 2 1/2 years of our marriage. Crybaby man who never grew up and is mad at the world; especially me for marrying his daddy. After personal therapy and an almost daily practice of disengagement I tolerate and almost completely ignore him the few times we have to share space.

Remember that SD already has a mother and a father, you can step out of any kind of parenting role.

I am so thankful to have found all of you! My 36 year old SD has a child with whom she uses as a meal ticket. Now, she is actively trying to get pregnant by an unemployed man who already has TWO babies by different women. The last was born this past January and he got SD pregnant recently, but she miscarried. She has an 11 year old son she cannot support and will not go after the bio father as we have payed her way for years. This has stopped and the latest stunt has FINALLY opened my husband's eyes.
DISENGAGE and seek a therapist. Trust me, we should have done this a LONG time ago. She has caused so much chaos in our lives! Her bio mother has poisoned her against my husband, yet bio mother kicked her out of the house at 14(SD was having sex parties in bio mom's house) and she moved in with us! It was holy hell for YEARS and she has only become WORSE as a 36 year old.
This forum is such a life saver!

Try having your husbands ex step kid coming over and calling your husband daaaadddyyy and totally ignoring your existance in your own home. Dadddddyyy can I have a Coke, daaaaddyyyyy can I take a shower, daaaadddy mommy said I can go off with my friends and be back here at 10. Thank God that nightmare got fronted out about being a little whore.