Tennis vs ?
Ah the revelations DP is seeing these days.
The other night we got into a discussion about SD12 and her lack of interest in anything but laying around all day. Literally. DP was concerned...I told him he has the ability to change that and left it there. He got all quiet.
Then brought up the idea, again, of enrolling her in tennis classes. I said straight out, whatever you do is your decision, I don't want to be involved in any way. Well, that got him going about why I don't want to be involved....she quits everything she's been enrolled in since I've known her (have about four or five examples) with no reason other than she's bored or it's too hard. And the money sunk is too much. There's no standard for how long she should do it, no minimums.
DP countered every single one of my reasons with an excuse or some crazy intellectual theory. For example, making her finish something she started is an "American thing" (he grew up in England) and related it to the Vietnam war. So I gave up and said I'm done with the conversation. Then he said that's what I always do, shut down and walk away....I said the reason I do it is so I don't go ballistic and so I can calm down....
Then he pulls the doozy: well, you don't get to decide anyway.
Me: Exactly! So I will not be involved.
DP: But you are emotionally involved obviously....
Me: Yes. And do you know how hard it is, with no say ultimately?
DP: no, it's got to be very hard.
Me: YES. Because decisions are made by mom and dad, not me. You raise her, not me. So don't expect help or opinions about things I have no real say in.
It felt good to get all that out!
Bingo!!
Bingo!!
Dup
Dup
Who wouldn't shut down when
Who wouldn't shut down when the other person doesn't want any conversation except "you're doing a great job honey! That's a fantastic plan! Oh what a good idea! Look at how well everything is going!"
Any time you voice dissent, he shuts you down - excuses, arguments, and the kicker equivalent of its none of your business. Great! Then stop effing Asking! And stop being surprised that I don't want to put any energy into "talking" about it. Does he not get that what he's doing is putting unnecessary strain on your relationship?
I think he's finally getting
I think he's finally getting it.
I am no slouch in telling how I feel, but he doesn't often want to hear it.
What made me laugh is that he wanted ME to take care of SDs next Saturday, all day, while he want to an event he wants to go to.
After some discussion about who would go where (because I'm not doing it after the talk the other day) he got frustrated with the complexity. Again, not my issue. You are dad and you deal with it.
I think he's going to have them stay at BMs instead and switch a weekend with her (they are ok that way) instead. THAT is how it's done.
I think he was insinuating
I think he was insinuating that "emotion" meant "caring" while I consider it "being realllllly pissed off." LOL.
I think he TOTALLY got it (the conversation went on a bit from the above OP. He hasn't mentioned the SDs except to tell me they'll be staying with BM this Friday and Saturday so we have a half weekend to ourselves...because he wants to do the sporting event. He got it loud and clear methinks.