Move out. Easy peasy. What a miserable existence with these brats and lazy man

My replies to his arguments:

Dad, you do her hair. She is your daughter, not mine.

A dog doesn't care about the Internet. So a dog doesn't really care if the Internet is working or not. So that argument is not valid. However if you think I am punishing her for bad behaviour, you have that right. If the worst thing that ever happens is she loses WiFi access for a few days, she is getting off lucky.

It is a shame that your daughter has never been shown how to clean up her room. After all, she is YOUR daughter. I wish I could help her but (shrug your shoulders) as she is your flesh and blood her behaviour reflects on you not me. Her slamming doors says more about you than me. So when she is in college and has no friends because she has never been taught to get along with people or be organised ... well I guess that wouldn't be my fault because I am not her parent.

If you think her behaviour is acceptable you are in for a helluva wake up call. Her temper tantrums are her way to control everyone. Sort her out before we walk out.

It is so difficult being a stepmother. I can't say that I hated the skids but I will say that I spent a lot of time locked up in my bedroom. They drove me crazy. The way I parent and the way BM parent couldn't be more opposite. Well because she didn't parent. There were no rules and rules/laws didn't apply to them. I keep a clean, neat house. She does not. One of my rules was no food in the bedrooms. They would sneak it in the bedrooms. They would leave and I would find gum stuck under the window ledges, food wrappers under the bed and in the drawers, etc. They ruined the hard wood floors and the bed with wet towels and the bedrooms would stink. They would eat all snack foods that drinks in a weekend that was to last for the next week. They would leave the TV on all night long. So, I took everything out of the bedrooms except the bed. No dresser to hind things, No TV...who wants to be in a bedroom that has nothing but a bed. I would go food shopping and leave all snacks and drinks in the trunk of my car that I didn't want them to gobble up in a day. I started out treating them the same way I treated my own kids but it is so difficult to do that one you just give, give, give and they just take, take, take and then they state that they hate you when you have done nothing but try to help them. Well fast forward as they are all now in their 20's. We tolerate each other. The one tells me that she loves me. I can't say it back. Sad, but true. DH always tells them that they should remember that I did more for them than their BM ever did. I never, ever corrected the skids but I certainly gave DH an earful and expected him to do it. Sometimes he did sometimes he didn't. What he did seem to do however was drink a lot of beer when they were here. I think that was his way of not dealing with his monsters. Stay drunk for the weekend was his way of dealing with them. I remember one day that I am not proud of I had cleaned the entire house top to bottom, left to run errands and when I came back it looked like a bomb went off in every single room. I just about exploded. Even the outside of the house was a mess. I cornered DH expecting him to round up the skids and clean up and when he didn't I became a crazy person. I got trash bags and anything in my way went into the trash bag and outside to the trash. I was so angry and frustrated that I took my energy out on the big basketball thing in the drive way and knocked it over. That got their attention! Not one of my proudest moments.
Anyway, just try and stay one step ahead of them. Don't try and be their Mother. Be a step Mother. Make one day a week cleaning day. Hold them responsible for their rooms and if they don't clean then set consequences. Lay down the rules and what you expect from them and what the consequences will be. Think of it as a second job (that helps). I found that telling them verbally never seemed to work so I would write it down. By writing it down they couldn't say I didn't tell them that, or they didn't hear me, etc. Oh the list had to be detailed. I couldn't just say clean your room. It had to be step by step instructions. Oh and as far as personal grooming for step daughter...shock her and plan a fun girlie day out. Go get manicures and pedicures, treat her to a new outfit for school and then take her somewhere and have them style her hair explaining that you need for them to give her a cut that doesn't require any care. That might help.
You've got to stay one step ahead of them.
She steals. Anything that you don't want to go missing hide! Shouldn't have to do this in your own home but do it.
Now, something that my friend told me to do but I never did and now I really wish that I would have is journal everything. Journal about them every night with dates. Now that my skids are in their 20's according to them we never did anything for them. Are you kidding me? Take photos of every gift, every place that you take them, etc. I was so being angry and hurt most of the time that the last thing that I wanted to do was take pictures of the skids but now that we are being told this I wish that I had pictures of every birthday, every Christmas, every vacation, every event that I took them to as they seem to forget that all of that ever happened. They forget about all of the trips to the craft stores and the projects that I helped with. They forget about me hauling them around for school activities and sports. Yep, never happened. Wish I had kept a journal and photos to back it up.
One day I dug out the few photo's that I had and posted them so that they could see them. Oh yeah...who took you horseback riding? Who took you to the water park? Who took you to caverns? Who took you to the amusement park? Who made you beautiful Easter baskets (and they showed up in torn jeans and flip flops to go to church on Easter Sunday). Got a photo of that. I didn't even sit with them I was so embarrassed as were my own children. Anyway, journal. Take photo's. Call a family meeting and give them a chore list in writing. The first time you may have to go into the room and supervise and help them do it so they know what you expect. After your special fun girl day out on the way home explain to her on the way home in the car how cute she looks, how important it is to always look nice, etc. No one wants to be around a stinky person and then what could happen if you don't take care of yourself. I always told me kids that you only get one chance to make a good first impression. Good luck to you. Stay strong.

Why live like this?? Why? That's what I don't get. I did all of it. Hid in my own home. Disengaged. Counseling. All to be bullied by a dumb ass lying man and his good for nothing kids. It wasn't worth it and my kids didn't deserve to be stuck in that crap.

If he has a problem with your methods than maybe he should step up and guide, direct and care for his own kid. Don't be picky and ungrateful when someone is going over and beyond to help you raise your kids ya know? I don't get these lazy men. Its like they don't want to ruffle their kids feathers and yet they are choosing to disappoint their spouse instead.

Is your DH your dad? You get in trouble for talking to BM??? Who do you get in trouble with?

He tells you to step up your game now that you're a mom after you had a baby? Yes, you are a mom, but not SD's mom!

I think you should go to counseling on your own and learn how to stand up for yourself and not be ordered around like a servant. I picture you skulking around with your head down cleaning and sweeping. WTF is the boob pinching ?

This situation sounds intolerable to me. Go talk to a women's victim shelter counselor. You are being abused.

Edited to add: Your DH needs to step up and be a parent - he is a lazy, bossy a-hole.