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Not my kid

gaviotas's picture

Hello,
just to announce I am pregnant, expecting my third baby with my DH. We are all very happy, except Sd (of course).
Trying to handdle the jealousy and her bad attitude (still does not respond, or if she does it´s only yes" or "no" or "I don´t know", also does not look to the eyes and the worst: no treatment at all). Nothing has changed.

Well, the question here is that a close friend of mine is telling me that I will have four kids,and I say: no, I have 3 kids.. She insists: no, you have 4 kids. Ok, three kids and one SD.
I am not her mother!! I think I don´t have to clarify this point, but she is not the only one, also MIL thinks I am the mother!!! Of course I take care of SD many days a week, but it does not make me her mom.

TASHA1983's picture

EXACTLY!!! Never let anyone TELL you that you HAVE 4 kids...if you CHOOSE not to claim her as your own that is YOUR right and choice...tell'em all to F off!!!

Rags's picture

The topic of do you count the Skid(s) when answering the ... How many kids do you have? question arrises periodically. There are two camps. The not my kid so I don't count it camp, and the total kid tally camp.

I tend to be on the total kid tally side of the fense. That is due to the fact that SS was an only child in our home/family. Though he is the eldest of 4 all oowl Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs by 3 different baby mamas on the shallow and polluted Sperm Clan end of his gene pool.

I always answered THE question with "We have one son." Short, simple, factual, and it does not require elaboration unless I choose to engage the topic further.
nei
I may have answered differently if he had been a total PITA though. Fortunately neither his mom nor I would tolerate his being a insufferable PITA or otherwise a major problem so I never had to consider any other answer.

If you were to answer the question "We have four." then that would be an accurate answer. Between the two of you, you and DH do have 4. No muss, no fuss, no drama.... at least as far as the answer is concerned.

This method of answering the question pretty much shuts down any further comment or conversation from people like your friend who insists on correcting you on the configuration of answer you currently choose to present.

To shut your friend down going forward try ...."We have four kids, we share three." If you want to continue to align with your current perspective.

TASHA1983's picture

Congratulations on your new baby! Smile

I am with you on this one, I have not, do not and will not EVER claim skids. :sick:

I have one kid, my son. Period.

If someone should ask, I would simply say I have one and he has two. There most definitely will be no WE combination...ick.

CA1117's picture

I feel the same way you do about being forced to claim skids as your own. I don't have any particularly crazy issues going on with my husband's daughter, at least not compared to the things that I've read on this site. He gets visitation during the summers and she is not a terrible kid or anything, I just don't have any desire to be a mother to her. I will treat her with kindness a respect just as I strive to do with anyone that comes into my life, and be there is she needs help with something. That is what I would do with any kid. She is certainly will never be mother of the year, but she already has a mother, and I feel like she should just be calling her bio mother by "Mom". My SD asked me if she could call me Mom and I felt too uncomfortable at the time to say no and I really regret it. I would just prefer to be called by my first name or a nickname. The last time she stayed with us I cringed every time she called me Mom.

I also agree that there is a double standard with this is concerned. I feel like everyone gives the skid the choice of what they get to call their step parent. But we automatically have to be Mom a lot times, or just not given a say at all. If we choose not to be called Mom, then we are some sort of monster.