Mother's Day Blues Anyone?
Wondering if anyone else feels this way.
The last couple of years I notice myself feeling down on mother's day. My mom is alive and well and I do visit with her and give her a card, but I am not particularly close to her. Maybe if I was closer to her the day would feel more meaningful, I don't know.
I think being a step mom and dealing with all of the bullshit step mom's deal with, it is hard to swallow the fact that there is no acknowledgment. Ironically, being a step mother highlights how "childless" I actually feel. And believe me, I don't even think it would be appropriate for the skids to acknowledge me on mother's day, I am not their mother... it is just that I am at an age where pretty much everyone I know is a mother now and it seems to define so much of who they are. I find myself asking... what defines me? What is it about "feeling left out" that gets to me so much? I don't think having a child of my own would be a great idea right now ...yet I can't seem to sit comfortably with my decision. Maybe it is that stigma of being an "old mother" that freaks me out.
I have always been a little left of center. The black sheep. A lot of people I grew up with seemed to follow a very rigid timeline. Marrying someone with 2 kids was certainly another situation where I took the road less traveled, so to speak. Initially, everything felt right. As time went on, I feel more "left out" and alone in my step life. The other night was the father daughter dance and let me tell you... it hits me when DH celebrates milestones with the skids... it hits me right in the heart. These milestones are not mine to celebrate. In those moments, I get green with envy and I need a few minutes alone to process it. I am doing better at processing and then letting go... which is a step in the right direction.
The only happy step mother I personally know is this foolish, delusional girl who is marrying my cousin's ex. She posts pictures all over the internet of my cousin's kids calling them "her boys." Takes them for professional photos and decorates her facebook with them. Tries so hard to get my cousin to approve of her. She is the strangest character, she embraces them so fully without it seeming fake. Maybe you have to be completely delusional to survive this?
Anyway, happy (early) Mother's Day to the Bio Moms on this website ... but also the pet moms and the step moms and everyone in between who cares for others on a regular basis.
- AJanie's blog
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Comments
Every day is Mother's Day to
Every day is Mother's Day to me, to me, NOT having children to deal with is the biggest gift I have ever given MYSELF.
I'm sure I will get crapped on for saying this but some people become parents because that is what they are "supposed" to do. Sometimes they fall right in to it and all is well but sometimes people hate it. No one is allowed to say they hate it because that would make them *hitty people and parents. But parenthood is a lot of work and I'm sure it very rewarding but enjoy every day as if it is Mothers day is my advice.
I know at least 3 great friends who thought once they had kids all their prayers would be answered and life would be peaches. Ha, it is almost funny listening to them trying to keep up with the neighbors and social media trying to be MOTY. Everyone is trying to be better than the other when it comes to parenting all the while they are raising children with no values. Most of the people I know that have kids now will always have kids because the kids will never move out bc mommy and daddy do everything for them.
Enjoy the fact that you have no kids. My siblings call me on MD and say thanks for making sure they made it and not giving up on them. My daily freedom and these calls are all I need to know I made the right decision for me. This being said on the next father daughter dance go do something for you instead of focusing on what other people are doing. Go out with a girlfriend and get out of the house instead of thinking about those milestones of other people.
Also think about your own
Also think about your own milestones, yes my SO has two kids, ya so?
He also filed bankruptcy and doesn't have a pot to piss in, he spends his time running back and forth being a disney dad, upset when kids don't call him for weeks on end, so it ain't always fun and games.
I on the other hand come and go as I please, my feelings are mine and mine alone and not pinned waiting on my kid to call me, I am a financial success so all in all everything went as planned for me.
Maybe not having kids isn't your path? If you are questioning yourself then a good look under the hood figuring out what you really want to do is in order.
Hmm, I think you married my
Hmm, I think you married my SO! LOL
duplicate
duplicate
Since I moved to my current
Since I moved to my current city 12 years ago I have never celebrated Mother's Day with my mom due to distance and work. My mom is now living in the same city as me and I am soooooo happy to be able to celebrate with her.
When I was with BS's dad he would make a half ass attempt for MD. One year he ended up in jail for a DUI and another year he cheated on me the night before and didn't come home. I always thought in my head... when I leave this loser and I am with someone else who appreciates me and loves me... then I will really get to enjoy MDs.
Well then I got with DH. And he tells me I am not his Mother.(his own words) And I have no relationship with his kids so it's not like I am a mother to them. And we don't have any kids together. He doesn't help my BS do anything special for me for MDs.
So it's pretty disappointing. I feel that since being a mother is a pretty important role and its the one day to celebrate being a mother, I wish he would make more of an effort to at least make a little bit of a big deal out of it. Or help BS to make a big deal out of it.
And of course he gets "rewarded" for Father's Day because my BS WANTS to do something for DH and asks for my help or asks to take DH somewhere so I still have to celebrate DH on Father's Day.
Pretty sure this year though I will help BS get DH a card and tell him that is all I can help with this year.
My own childhood was
My own childhood was certainly not ideal. I am one of those people like you mentioned who always wanted to be a mother and a wife so very badly. My life long dream was just to have a family of my own. and I got divorced and ended up a career girl. I build these things up in my mind on how things are going to go and it just doesn't happen that way. My kids are supposed to sit in front of the Christmas tree and smile in their holiday dresses for the picture. They don't. One of them is always picking their nose and one is crying. The third one is pulling up her dress and showing her underwear. That's the kinda of stuff that happens to me. I long for those "moments." The first day of school. My daughter's first dance recital! and it always turns to crap. Always. Daughter gets sick and pukes after a year's worth of ballet lessons the moment before she was supposed to go on stage for the recital. The baby this year broke out in a horrible rash hours before I was supposed to take her trick or treating on Halloween for the first time when I spent the whole month of October making her costume. Always this crap happens to me . I think it happens because I want it so bad.
So I've learned over my 11 year parenting life to let it go. Ya. Sometimes the disappointments still hurts but I now try to look for the good if and when it happens. This weekend we got a slip in slide and they played in the sprinkler. We crawled up in the bed and watched Coraline and made homemade French Toast for breakfast and played Uno and it was just a perfect weekend. (except those few hours when my neighbor passed out asleep and left me watching her kids.) No special occasion. Nothing that Hallmark or the calender said was supposed to be wonderful. So I'm just trying to recognize those "it" moments when they happen. A hummingbird flew right up to our window and looked in at us and flitted back and forth for minutes. I tried to hold on to that moment. An unexpected magical surprise. Last year Mothers Day was utter crap for me. It might be again this year, who knows, but I'm going to try and think about those Spring days playing in the yard in the sprinkler and probably not Easter or Halloween or Mother's Day.
I always relate to your
I always relate to your posts too! and I thought it was because we are Floridians!
Its a day of confusion here.
Its a day of confusion here. Sd12 goes and spends the day with her bm. She only sees her mum for an 8 hr visit twice a month. She is not allowed to have contact with her mums husband or stepson or be in her mums house. I make sure sd12 gets her a card and present. Sd12 invites me to the mothers day breakfast at school. She makes me mothers day cards. I got one already over 3 weeks ago. She has adhd and impulse control is her major problem. I love that she gets excited about mothers day. But i feel kind of false because there truly are days that iam so glad i am not her mother. She has truly gorgeous parts to her but then she is also a full on hypochondriac princess baby with a good dose of manipulation 101 thrown in. Some days i love that she calls me mum other days i cringe.