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SS is stomping his feet and bio mom is swooping in!!

Over_it75's picture

For about 7 years now, myself and DH has been dealing with a narcisstic bio mom. Nothing is ever her fault and her lies, deciet, and hate for me has been a non stop toxic entity. My SS is 14 going on 15 and for abuot the past year I could tell the BM has been particularly asking him to spend time on our days, to do things, whether it be dinner with family, baby showers for family, just about one a month she would ask him to go with her, to watch a race or football game, we allowed it. Finally one time he asked to go somewhere and DH said no. They got into a huge argument, SS pushed and pushed, screaming and yelling was involved and ultimately long story short SS is leaving with BM because he got yelled at and can't do things with his moms family. BM had finally dug in her claws and spit enough gravy in his ear to make her home life sounds great! Now SS doesn't call, doesn't text, told DH he doesn't have to call or text, nothing to communicate, and nothing to discuss. DH has seen his son once in 3 months. SS has become rude, disrespectful, and selfish. DH requested he communicate more if not he would turn off his phone, BM instead went and bought SS a new phone instead yet have we heard of a new # to contact him. DH is beside himself and keeps pushing, but i'm over it, I say leave the Brat alone and let him realize what he is missing, how can I tell DH to walk away without sounding cold?

iluvcheese's picture

I wouldn't, I'd leave my opinions out of this one, because your mans feeling rejected by someone he loves. I'd take a step back and just listen to your your H, when he needs an ear. If he's being obsessive about it, for a long time, I would politely ask, "can we please limit our talking to this to an agreed upon amount of time a day, then focus on other things? I love you and want to hear what's going on, I want to help, but this is overtaking our lives and we need to continue living, please."

His son will at some point realize the error in his ways, but it may not be any time soon and obsessing over it won't change a thing. Go to court, that's about all that can be done. Keep in mind, this is a teenager. They are fighting to gain independence, so they can be self sufficient adults. This kid needs to pull away at some point, although being attached to his mothers hip won't help. What 14 year old wants to hang out with either of their parents? I'm surprised he's asking to be with his mom, versus asking to be with friends.

Over_it75's picture

man all of you are RIGHT!! I love coming on here and getting the help and answers that I needed, I know I need to do this, sometimes its so hard though, I want to yell and scream and shout! I know they all pull away at some point, but this has gotten to the point of ridiculousness, why he feels he doesn't have to communicate or feel that if a question is asked that he doesn't feel he should have to tell him, his father is his father, you only get one. I only hope he realizes all this sooner then later and i Know we just need to let go, but it's hard, it's hard when you have loved someone for so long but now they are just plain assholes.

sundowner's picture

Ughhh! Sounds like you lived a "Seven-year-itch" that cant be scratched. I understand that its difficult when one parent alienates the other parent, from their child. Stupid control games with mental and emotional vomit.
I can think of a few coping strategies yet one seems the best. Keep the message ongoing..that your DH(and you?)will be in his life and to assist if you can Reliable reassurance over time sends a profound message of stability." Son, I am aware that conflicts are happening around you. It must be confusing.You may choose to stay with your mom.Lets just take the pressure off of you. There is no urgency.For now, I know where you are... and Im available here at home. Im not going anywhere."