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Continuing update on SD23's college graduation

Elizabeth's picture

DH brought a new one up today: He wants to pull both kids out of school the Friday before graduation. Don't know that I'm too happy about that one.

I asked if he'd gotten an invitation. He said yes. I didn't even bother to ask if my name was on it. I'm sure it was not. I asked if he'd gotten tickets. "No. I'm sure SD23 has those." Um, yeah. I told him there was no way he was taking our kids on a 5-hour drive one way if he didn't have the tickets. So of course now he has to contact SD23 about that.

BD9 told me she never told her dad she wanted to go. And it comes out he was "bribing" her with the promise of a cool swimming pool at the hotel he has reserved (evidently for two nights). Great. So now BD9 is torn, she doesn't want to disappoint her dad but she doesn't really want to go. I don't think she even knows that is Mother's Day on Sunday. DH also wants me to drive to my parents 2 hours away so it will be easier for him to take my kids away from me because I'll be "spending time with my mom."

I broke down in tears on my front porch this morning at the thought of not seeing my girls on Mother's Day. Sad

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

I thought about that but unfortunately when DH gets mad at SD23 he lashes out at those around him rather than at the source of the problem. I'd rather not have BDs exposed to that.

Disneyfan's picture

Just tell him the girls can't go. Your desire to spend Mother's Day with your children should trump his desire to hsve them at the graduation.

If the mere thought of not having the girls around on Mother's Day has you in tears, then it's time to find your voice and tell him no.

zerostepdrama's picture

Exactly.

DarkStar's picture

Put your foot down and say NO, kids are not going. And stick to it. YOU are your biggest impediment here.
Your DH has treated you like crap in regards to his daughter and you have allowed it to happen.
Stand up for yourself.

Elizabeth's picture

But I can't prevent him from taking them. They are his children too. I just wish I could get him to see my (emotional) point of view.

Disneyfan's picture

You CAN prevent it, even if it means taking the girls away Thursday after work snd returning Sunday. Is that the ideal wsy to handle this? Nope, but you know he will ignore what you want. You have allowed him to dismiss your feelngs, wants wishes for years. There's no reason why you can't following his example on this issue.

Elizabeth's picture

So I made him produce the invitation and guess what: It's addressed to only him. Isn't that special!!

Elizabeth's picture

Exactly, he sets me up every time and then if I balk I'm the bad guy and he's so put upon by his witch of a wife, the wicked stepmom. It's exhausting. He's a narcissist and I'm really bad at coping with that.

Sweet T's picture

I am always amazed that you are still married to this guy or have not killed him. We have belonged here since 06 or 07 and his Assholery never ceases to amaze me.I am sorry you have to deal with this.

Elizabeth's picture

Well, I just broached the subject and we got in a huge fight and he left the house mad and I'm here crying. Sad

Because of course it is MY fault how SD23 treats me and HE has nothing to do with the relationship we do NOT have. AND, he feels sorry for SD23 because she LOVES our two BDs SO MUCH and hardly ever gets to see them. Gag.

He's so far off in left field in his brain, I can't even reach him.

zerostepdrama's picture

At least you brought it up. Hopefully it will open up communications and you guys can discuss it more. Without all the crying and running off.

Merry's picture

He's a selfish bully. HIS reactions are not your responsibility, and if he gets mad it's on him. He wants what he wants, everyone else be damned.

Given your strong feelings, I wouldn't give a flip how mad he gets. I'd make sure my kids were with me on mother's day. You take care of YOU.

lintini's picture

What kind of bullsh!t does your dh think he's getting away with when the invitation is addressed to him only?

What on earth is his plan when he shows up with the young girls that have no tickets to get in after driving all that way?

I just printed my 8 grad tickets and all over the email and website it said if you don't have a ticket you aren't getting in, and don't think about copying a ticket because the bar code is dedicated to that ticket only.

Ugh.

Elizabeth's picture

Even better! It's not even an invitation it's just an announcement. So he didn't even get invited. No address, no time. Just the day.

Elizabeth's picture

Oh, he's SURE he does. He's SURE SD23 has it. Has he seen it or even confirmed its existence? Not that I can ascertain.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

What a completely delusional crock of crap he's created! There you go, Elizabeth. Inform him that your daughters will be staying with you and he is welcome to pursue his halfa$$ed, unconfirmed wild goose chase by himself.

Elizabeth's picture

Even better better, BM is the one who sent the announcement to DH, not SD23. It's addressed in BM's handwriting and comes from BM's address. SD23 couldn't even bother to send the "gift grab" announcement herself.