I hate my teenage stepdaughter
I feel terrible but there is truly little to like about SD14. Her brother SS15 is a delight- well rounded, polite, lovely to spend time with. Her father DH isn't liking her at the moment either. Is this normal teenager-ness or is something else going on here?
Reasons why I don't like her:
1. She doesn't wash
2. She doesn't brush her teeth
3. She doesn't change her underwear
4. She is grossly overweight
5. She has no friends and no desire to make any
6. She lies a lot
7. She is sullen
8. She runs home and bitches about DH to BM
9. She is so lazy
10. She wants home-schooled (what the actual fuck) so she can sit at home and not engage with the world or socialise
11. She blames DH for her not being allowed to be home schooled (get real and dream on).
We try so, so, hard with her but get nothing back. She is truly her mother's minion on earth.
To a certain extent I think a
To a certain extent I think a lot of this is normal teen stuff...
However, a 14 year old girl with weight and hygiene issues would have me wanting to make sure there wasn't some history of inappropriate touching, because often poor hygiene and weight gain are used to try to make one less attractive to the perp. Of course I might run a tad paranoid about such things. Some kids are just unconcerned about cleanliness, some kids are just heavy.
Lack of friends--does she really not have friends, or does she just not talk about them/ask them over/hang out with them? Some folks prefer their own company. Is she possibly being bullied? Is she depressed?
Lies--pretty normal. Sullen, could be normal, could be depression or something.
Griping to the other parent--normal. Whether in an intact home or otherwise, kids try to manipulate others to get what they want.
Lazy--totally normal. That homeschool thing falls under lazy.
Teenagers typically are PITAs regardless of who they belong to.
Thanks Last in line. She
Thanks Last in line. She isn't being bullied or abused- she is just fat and lazy!
Some people manage to be
Some people manage to be disgusting even at 14.
When my oldest son was 14 he
When my oldest son was 14 he was a smelly, zitty, lazy beast. He's 19 and still kinda that way because exH enables him. It just takes one parent to say, "It's OK, don't grow up. Hide away from the world." Some kids will take them up on the offer.
Pretty average teen stuff
Pretty average teen stuff except for the not wanting to interact with the world. When I was a teen the last thing I wanted to do was be home. Sounds like a bit of depression mixed in with very annoying hormonal teenager-ness.
SS13 I deal with is about the same: lazy, doesn't like to wash, attitude, slob, etc. They are all horrible beasts, I'm convinced of it.
Actually, she sounds a lot
Actually, she sounds a lot like myself at that age. I had severe depression and anxiety, which went undiagnosed for years because everyone thought I was just being a teenager. If anyone asked I would answer no, I was not being bullied at school, but that was just because I was too proud to admit it. Even if she is not being specifically and regularly targeted, kids at that age can be brutal. School can be a highly anxiety-inducing experience for an introverted kid who doesn't fit in.
I'm sorry you find her less than amusing to be around, but I would suggest she see a doctor or counselor.
Your SD should have interests
Your SD should have interests and friends, even at 14. A busy person is a happy person.
I can't remember when I wasn't busy at the age 14. Sounds as if she is depressed; exercise and weight loss would probably make her a new person. If there is something DH could come up with that would get her attention, to get her moving.
If someone isn't following
If someone isn't following proper hygiene, aside of very young children, it is a safe bet there's something going on mentally (depression, addiction, etc.). This poor girl needs a psychologist or counselor. Trying to get her up and moving, trying to change her, won't change what's going on in her mind. She needs help from a professional, so she can work through her feelings and her current thinking patterns (which are likely based on negativity). Sorry you're having to deal with it, but if she gets help it will also assist you. She will be far more pleasant to be around eventually, with professional help. Regular poor hygiene is NOT normal teenage behavior, especially for a girl. I am of course assuming one of her caregivers taught her proper hygiene. Then add in some of the other stuff you mentioned, my guess based on the little I know is some form of depression, depending how long it has been going on.
When a female that has hit
When a female that has hit puberty can't be bothered to change their panties, any help is better than the status quo. I pretty much agree with you, if the counselor and all parties involved aren't on the same page, counseling alone won't work, depending on the age of the child and the child's personality and natural tendency towards being independent, aside to maybe build self esteem and change negative thinking patterns. Eventually hopefully that would be enough to get her to at least change her undies.
That's disgusting. Everyone
That's disgusting. Everyone has a bad day or gets sick, where they don't hold themselves to the same daily standards, but to regularly not wash or change undergarments, eww. It's so much worse for a female too, the undergarment part in particular. I hope my SD keeps up her love for water, the tub, and showers. I complain about the water bill, but may never do so again after hearing this.
I feel sorry for this girl.
I feel sorry for this girl. Fourteen is a tough age and divorce doesn't make it any easier. I think counseling might be appropriate. The girls dressing and bathing habits suggest she might have some depression. Lying and mistreating others is not an acceptable behavior. The person who needs to deal with these issues is her father. Perhaps, you can steer them in the right direction
She sees a psychologist once
She sees a psychologist once a week but it doesn't seem to be helping. BM doesn't seem to enforce hygiene at all but not to know at 14 yourself to get a wash/brush your teeth is just plain wrong. I took her to get her hair coloured a few weeks ago at the hairdressers to give her a bit of a boost but the hairdresser complained about how greasy her hair was. It is just embarrassing!
Is this psychologist able to
Is this psychologist able to prescribe meds? A simple SSRI could help your SD immensely. My depression is mainly a product of my biology - talking things out and thinking positive thoughts doesn't really help me. What helps me is having my chemistry in balance, so to speak.
If the psychologist doesn't seem to be helping, perhaps you should suggest to your DH that SD see a psychiatrist, or even just her GP.
Someone said other daughter
Someone said other daughter not your problem but if she's in your house smelling up the house from her stinch then yeah it's your problem. My step kid use to wear this boot on her foot that she claimed she always broke her foot. Personally I think it was her security blanket like things. Anyway, it freaking stunk. Then she would wear shoes with no socks and her shoes stunk living room up. I had to speak up and say something.