Teenage son refusing to talk with Father because of my argument with him
I have been with my BF for over 6 years, living together for almost 5 years. He has 2 children with his ex, a now almost 14 daughter and almost 18 son and he was divorced for over 3 years when we began dating. I have not had any issues with either of his kids, we live in a small town and they are with us for dinner usually at least once a week and every other weekend (which varies and has decreased the older they get). My BF and his ex work out schedules on their own and this has worked fairly well over the years, both are pretty flexible and share in the day to day running. This all changed 7 weeks ago - drastically. The kids were with us for dinner and his son started talking about world politics, I disagreed with what he was saying and within about 2 minutes the discussion escalated into an all-out argument, ending with him saying "Drop it, I don't want to f-ing talk about it anymore", to which I replied, "Watch your mouth". His father never said a word. He then grabbed his keys and said he was going to go out and drive around and cool down, instead he went straight back over to his Mom's and told her how awful I had been to him. She immediately (and I'm sure instinctively) came down on me for arguing with him as I had been warned when he first got there that he was in a bad mood. Since then he has refused to speak to my BF or me, won't take his phone calls or respond to his texts (my BF texts him at least once a day) and we have not seen him at all. At first his Mom said we need to just give him space and let him cool down, but we are going on over 7 weeks now. My BF is miserable and is missing his son terribly. I am miserable because I feel like I started all of this and should never have argued with him in the first place. I have not been able to even apologize to him because he refuses to see us. How do we open up the lines of communication again? We are both miserable in our house and his Mom doesn't want to get in the middle of any of it because she "doesn't want it affecting her relationship with him". His daughter still comes over and acts like nothing ever happened.
So what bc a 18 yo was in a
So what bc a 18 yo was in a bad mood and you were pre-warned you can't disagree on politics? People aren't always going to agree, maybe this would be a good time for you to call him, say that you are sorry and ask that you both agree to disagree and not talk on politics again. Catch more flies with honey, plus DH will probably appreciate it. I would also inform skid in same conversation that while you appreciate he is an adult and can speak to anyone any way he would like that if he choses to use the same words again in the future that while you are waving a truce flag now that the next time will be drawing in a line in the sand for him and the way he will be allowed to speak to you.
His father should have told him to watch his mouth and addressed the situation right then.
Was this just a general
Was this just a general political argument because one of you is a Democrat and one of you is a Republican, or was it more personal? Was there a reason he may have felt personally attacked? Or did you feel attacked?
It seems an over reaction to a "regular" political argument.
You don't try to open
You don't try to open communication other than to text him that his dad is ready to see him whenever he is ready but how it progresses is entirely the responsibility of the 18yo. Then get on with your lives.
He either pulls his head out of his ass or he doesn't.
It took me a looooong time to come to the realization that politics, religion, and social programs are topics better not had with family or even close friends. Few people are capable of hearing perspectives that differ from their own. Particularly teen boys in the throws of cranio-rectitis bran fart episodes.
Has your BF forgotten where
Has your BF forgotten where his son lives, or is BF 15 and only communicates by text? If he does happen to put down the phone and recall his sons address, maybe could drop by and reconcile in person.
My advice to you is to stay out of it.
Sally you got it a little
Sally you got it a little wrong - one does not talk to a skid who thinks he knows it all at all. You avoid talking to them totally.
Since he's almost 18 maybe
Since he's almost 18 maybe you will never have to see the little ahole again.
His father can see him elsewhere. It's up to those two to work things out. Not your problem.
The kid's mode of argument
The kid's mode of argument ending was not particularly nice. Of course, it would be easier to judge how justified he might have felt in saying it if we had the 'full transcript" of the argument. If he perceived your arguments as personal attacks or that he is "stupid" for his political belief, it might be understandable that he reacted with the f-ing word.
I have very strong political beliefs myself, but I absolutely understand why others may hold different and opposing views. Being younger and certainly more likely to be surrounded by peers that hold very similar views, he is not used to debating and being faced with other viewpoints. The fact that he wanted to end the argument most likely is because you were making pretty valid points and he didn't know how to respond further. In other words "you won" and his ideas were put into question. No one likes to be wrong and that pissed him off. A more mature person would have gone with the "everyone can agree to disagree" path, but he isn't at that place yet.
If things had been otherwise ok, I don't see why you can't send him a note/text/email saying that you are sorry that things got heated and that it's ok for him to have views that don't agree with you or his Dad and that it is the great thing about this country is that we all have the right to our own ideas and opinions. Now that both know that you don't agree on these points, let's agree to not talk about them, ok? Tell him his Dad misses him and would really like to hear from him.
Alternately, your BF could also deliver the message. Hey BS, it's ok for you to have your own opinions and I'm sorry that you didn't feel like your ideas were respected, but everyone has the right to thier own opinions. Let's agree to leave these topics off the list of discussion items for now. How about we go to lunch this weekend?