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Getting Ready to Break Up

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 8:57am

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Hi everyone

For anyone who's followed my posts, you know I love my SO very much, but I'm just not happy being a stepmom. I'm in my early 20s and so is my SO. Lately, I've realized that we simply want different things. I want to focus on my company, I'm not sure if I want children in the future, I want to travel a lot, whereas my SO is very family-focused and would be happy with a very simple life. I have decided that after 3 years dating with 2 of those years living together, we need to break up. The only problem is that he doesn't make much money, doesn't own any furniture (everything in the house is mine) and wouldn't be able to afford to rent the house we're living in alone, so I have to ask him to leave with nothing...

I am nervous and sad for SD4 that she's going to have to start over. I'm sure he will go live with family for a while until he gets on his feet, but I can't help but feel awful that he has to take a huge step back in life and he's not prepared for it. I don't know how to bring it up and I guess I'm just looking for guidance from anyone who's broken up with someone they live with. This is my first live-together type of relationship so it's strange to think that we're going to have to coexist until he figures something out.

Any advice?

Thanks

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 9:21am

Hahaha, yeah not gonna happen. I feel bad, but like I said, I'm in my early 20s and just starting to buy some nice furniture. I gave him many opportunities to split on it with me, but he never wanted to!

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 9:24am

If he has a 4 year old daughter and you are worried about how he's going to take care of himself; you need to move on with your productive life. If you don't, you'll be taking care of this "little boy" all your life.

Just find a new place of your own; and take what is yours. Tell him you are moving out and then do it; he'll figure it out, you don't even need to know how he does it. No looking back. It will be one of the most difficult times of your life, but it will heal. I've been there, when I was young like yourself, and it is a night mare at the time, but sunshine at the end of the tunnel.

Good Luck

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 9:56am

I know you feel bad but it's not your fault that he's leaving with nothing or that he's taking a step backwards.

He should have been working harder to make a life for himself, especially after becoming a father.

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 10:22am

Shortly after moving in together I got a cohabitation agreement done up to avoid any sort of mess there Smile

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 10:43am

That's something i've always said. He doesn't seem to care... I've even talked about how everytime I move in with somebody, I make sure to have enough money to be able to move out in a moment's notice just in case, trying to hint so he'd be prepared if this ever happened... guess some people don't take hints Smile

LikeMinded's picture

Submitted by LikeMinded on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 10:31am

Good for you! Very smart move!

Keep your money for your future.

I remember being a new mom, pushing a baby in a stroller that I could barely afford at the time, when a young, able-bodied man with expensive Nike's had the nerve to walk up to me and ask me for money. Boy, did he get an earful!

Now there's post after post of women taking in men and their kids only to be abused by the kids when they get older.

I strongly feel that *both* genders need to provide And take care of their own kids. Where is the kid's mom in all this?

You don't need to provide for anyone until you have your own kids (unless you want to take care of your parents at some point). This is not your responsibility. Just because the world is upside-down, doesn't mean you have to play into it. This dude needs to man up... If you "help" him, you're just enabling him to remain a boy, Time for tough love.

Besides, something tells me he will find another girl to take him in...

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 10:41am

The kids mom is barely around. She sees her about 2-3 times a year, only when we bring her there because we want a break. She doesn't pay child support/care to help at all. But yeah, I am looking at the future and hoping for the best. I don't want to take care of anybody but myself Smile