Abuse
To make a long story short. My husband's family and his daughters have consistently interfered in our marriage. Primarily the issues center around control and them trying to get or take some form of ownership in the little bit of money and assets he (we) have. I have had a very unsteady work history over the last few years. He provides me with a monthly "stipend" to pay household bills each month--under $600.
For that--I'm constantly reminded of how much of a deadbeat I am. That everyone in his family is better than me. That I can't have children-by him (I had two from a previous relationship--they are adult now) and that all he does for me--in providing the monthly stipend I barely cook, clean, care for him and don't do anything for him--and that I'd better never ever complain about his children--both grown-asking for money and him giving it to them--because it's none of my business.
He's refusing to live MY home--a home that I bought and paid for--long before him, smashed a bunch of furnishings today, threatened to smash the windows out of my home, trash the vehicles and then choked me nearly unconscious this afternoon due to an argument that started yesterday--from my conveyance that I didn't want his adult daughters and family members running our lives.
I know it's stupid....well...to be more precise--I am. I don't know what to do. I can't get him out of the home. I don't have a job---and his constant downing and insults--vulgar, vicious and constant are more than I can take.
I just want him and his family gone. He refuses to leave--I believe because once he does he'll be forced to spend more than $600/monthly in total living expenses. He's using me--for cheap living, a live in maid, and ready punching bag.
I don't have family. I'm just hear.
- HisFamily's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You're right. I'm going to go
You're right. I'm going to go for it in the morning-by bus (he took the car keys) when I know he has to leave the house. Since the choking he hasn't left--because he's afraid I'll leave or call the police. He has to leave in the morning though and I'm sure he believes he'll be able to smooth things over by then. He's so verbally vicious--it seems to make him feel good. I feel like the biggest loser on the planet--here I am--virtually hiding in my own home--afraid and feeling completely broken and defeated.
Why not call 911 now? If he's
Why not call 911 now? If he's taken the car keys, bring the police to your home. They will remove him. Find your local victim's advocate group, they can help you get a restraining order.
He is abusing and isolating you. That's your home, get him out tonight. Do you have any friends or family that can come stay the night with you?
You are being abused. Check
You are being abused. Check local listing for women's shelters. Even if you don't want to stay in a shelter they can offer you support and counseling. You are being abused. Even if he is not hitting you physically he is hitting you emotionally. Please seek help from somewhere that can can help you and offer the support you need and deserve!
I hadn't thought of a women's
I hadn't thought of a women's shelter. I'll check into that in the morning when I leave. Once I'm gone and he realizes I'm not coming back--hopefully he'll just pack up and leave. He said he'll smash out the windows of my home--he would...will....he's that vicious and childish.
"It's actually just conceited
"It's actually just conceited IMO."
Exactly!!!!
The National Domestic
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 and the website is www.thehotline.org
Choking or strangulation is the most lethal form of domestic violence - it needs to be taken very seriously. Death can occur within minutes. It is also the best predictor of future homicide. In other words, if he chokes you it is more likely that he will kill you in the future.
It is possible for a victim to be strangled, pass out, then wake up and think they are all right. However, later their esophagus swells and they suffocate to death.
Please keep yourself safe. Call the police now or at least the next time the violence starts. There is a lot of help out there. Don't put off keeping yourself safe because you think you have no resources.
I am sorry for the situation
I am sorry for the situation you are in it must be truly terrifying
Please do what you can to change it
Call the police get a restraining order eviction notice whatever
I am unsure as to where you live, got a bit confused but I f you live in a house you bought and paid for yourself he has no right to refuse to leave - get him out by any means necessary and change the locks
A word of warning tho: guys like this don't go away easy. Prepare for backlash and protect yourself . You may also find yourself sued for repayment of household bills or something like that. Just take extra care in the aftermath to take care of yourself
You deserve better than this guy and his family treating you as they do
I hope she comes back to
I hope she comes back to update. She may have been put off since the thread went from helpful suggestions to shaming her for not leaving earlier and letting herself be in this position.
I will never understand ANY woman who takes this approach to an abused woman. Don’t care what you call it, it is like abusing an already abused woman. (it may help some, but I would think it is a very small percentage).
Hope she is alright.
There is no law that says an
There is no law that says an officer has to be sent to every 911 hang up call. Every department handles it differently. Most will call back to check and see if everything is ok. If the person answering indicates everything is ok, and there is no background to indicate otherwise, and nothing sets of the dispatcher's "spidey senses," then officers will not be dispatched.
If you are using a cell phone, an exact address is probably not going to be immediately sent to the 911 dispatch center. They will have a general area, but won't know exactly where you are without some time to figure it out.
Do what you can to actually make contact with the police department and let them know exactly where you are. There are some departments that can accept a text, most don't have that ability yet.
You do not need to leave the
You do not need to leave the house if you feel safe enough in one of the rooms. Call 911 immediately and keep yourself in that room until they arrive. They WILL remove him. They will make sure a TRO is obtained. They will find you counselors who will help. There's a very good chance you will be granted a permanent restraining order because he did try to kill you. You need to do it as soon as possible because it's easier to get him out while the incident is "fresh" and you don't want to chance further incidents.
I know all this from experience myself.
There are also women's shelters and resource centers that are WONDERFUL. They have hotlines, so if you don't want to call the police but have access to your phone, call them and they will help. I've done that myself as well. I know women who fled their states and were put up in housing and mailing address kept secret to prevent others from finding them. Within group therapy, the women in our group were kept from knowing where this woman was living, even though we were also there for abusive circumstances. There is help.
I was not physically abused, but my self-esteem was in the gutter. I didn't realize what bad shape I was in until I went. I can't explain how being around such caring people, and others in similar situations just helped me get so much stronger. I'm a different person today thanks to them. You can have your life back.
Please update us. Let us know you're ok.
I hope your ok. That he did
I hope your ok. That he did not do something to you in the last several hours. So sorry this is happening to you.
You need to dig deep within yourself and ask for help as soon as possible. I would think you should be able to email the police if you are unable to use the phone. Find the strength within yourself to get out.
Please update us.
OP, I've been thinking about
OP, I've been thinking about you all day and also hope that you're okay. Please update us when you can.