Broke disengagement last night - how do you hold temper?
Decided after Xmas fiasco to completely disengage from sd 7. She has enough ppl to encourage her so I decided it's for the best for my sanity .
However since then she has been doing EVERYTHING to get a reaction. Last night unfortunately she did.
I had come up to my partners after work and was tired. He has a calender to say who sets table and who does drinks which changes every week. SS 9 does his job without issue, sd 7 always tries to get out of it.
Last night ss set the table and it was an elaborate one as we were having Chinese so more dishes than normal. Done without issue.
But when we sit down no drinks. Sd starts saying she is thirsty so partner asks who is on drinks today. Ss states it is his sister and she goes to calender and says it is not her week but her brother then when told her brother set table so she should do drinks she says she needs to eat and it's not her turn, etc. She goes into full on tantrum and whinging and ... Yeh I lost it. Told her that as her brother did the table the least she could do is the drinks and to stop being so goddam lazy and good for nothing.
This as you can imagine did not go down well.
I should not have yelled at her; she is seven and not my child but I couldn't listen to it a moment longer and I flipped.
So my question is how do you stay disengaged? How do you sit and eat your meal through all that crap and whinging without reaction ??
yep, I have a hard time with
yep, I have a hard time with the tongue holding during meals when it comes to the SKIDS.
There are two things I do that help me:
-I set out breakfast in a do it yourself buffet style (for example, cereal and milk or bagels and cream cheese or muffins, etc) during the week. I get out of there when they have breakfast. I'm crabby in the a.m. and I can't be around the SKIDS and be nice, lol! The nice part of this is that the older kids help the younger ones if I'm not around. I've had to shoo DH out of there too, otherwise he'd be in there spreading butter on toast for teenagers...
-If I can tell that drama is going to happen at dinner (like I'm already annoyed at something a kid has done, or the kids are already in conflict), I serve dinner and tell folks I'm going to eat later because of some excuse (phone call, tummy ache, I had a large lunch, etc.). DH knows why I'm doing it, sometimes he decides to eat later too, to be with me. If I don't do this, and allow myself to feed the drama, it ruins dinner for everyone and I end up with a tummy ache.
Divide and conquer is my best strategy for survival right now. I try to set up different activities to split the kids up at least one weekend day. It keeps them from bickering and gives me some breathing space from the SKIDS. Although lately, we haven't been divying down bio lines as much (i.e. one group bio kids with mom and SKIDS with dad)., lately it's been big kids with mom and little kids with dad, or girl with mom, boys with dad, or lil guy with mom and older kids with dad. As long as SS10 is with dad, it's better. He's very tough to be around (severe ADHD to where he cant sit long enough to eat or even poop in the toilet).
it's all I have lol.
and remember: don't be too hard on yourself. You are caring for another person's kids... that's a very generous thing to do.
Thank your SS for his
Thank your SS for his participation of the calendar. That he did very well on the table setting. Then pick your plate up, excuse yourself (invite SS to join you if you'd like) and take your meal in the other room.
If Dad won't put a stop to the SD's shenanigans, why should you be expected to spoil your dinner. Remove yourself. I would think this tactic would only have to be used once before it's Dad either scooting his brat from the dinner table instead or the little highness is willingly doing her assigned task.
Practice makes
Practice makes perfect.
Everyone slips.
Find your own way to deal. I just start telling myself, "don't say anything don't say anything" when I think I want to.
It gets easier to ignore. I have removed myself from the table before. DP picked up on that quick because he likes us all to eat together.
I haven't eaten with Skids in
I haven't eaten with Skids in 3 years. Their whining and examining every morsel on their plate questioning every ingredient like they are being served poison drove me mad .DH gets up in middle of dinner to make them grilled cheese sandwiches because they don't like Brown rice only white etc . I can not be part of this madness .
Thanks for the replies and
Thanks for the replies and advice all. I had been thinking leaving the table is letting her win but I see your points too.
This is my first attempt at disengagement and I did slip. So okay back to square one.
Nothing to do but start from scratch and when it gets too much, take my plate and leave.
Fingers crossed for more enjoyable dinners!
I just leave the table, my SO
I just leave the table, my SO knows that means that something has happened that has "made me leave".
When I stand up to leave I throw out the "omg, I forgot to do that report" and then haul ass to my office, I never want the skids to know that when they act crazy I leave so I always make up a good excuse.