Husbands who don't want to make decisions
This is my first time on here, i honestly don't know where else to turn at this point. my husband's children refuse to live with us because all i have ever wanted to do is to teach them responsibility, work ethic, have guidelines, etc like i do for my own children. the stepchildren have been spoiled, entitled and not taught to have respect. my husband is very passive and does not put down his foot when it comes to anyone much less his children. on top of it, the ex-wife lets stepdaughters drink alcohol and have boyfriends spend the night, wants to be a friend, not a parent. this is tearing my marriage apart and i don't know what to do. we have a child together and the thought of breaking up our family because of spoiled kids and a husband who can't get them under control, is breaking my heart. any thoughts or suggestions? thanks in advance!
*groan* so many people are in
*groan* so many people are in the same boat, it boggles the mind.
Herre are some in-between options, just to help give some ideas:
1. Stay and disengage from the SKIDS, BM and even in-laws if necessary (google the disengaging essay). This forces DH to handle the problems, and lowers conflict (hopefully)
2. Agree to live apart until SKIDS move out. I like this one because you can keep the man, the love, etc. whilst getting rid of the balogna.
3. Someone just brought up a trial separation in another thread, that's worth a shot.
4. Couples counseling...
You can't 'parent' skids for
You can't 'parent' skids for their actual parents. You are caring more about how these girls behave and potentially turn out than Mom and Dad. None of the four are going to thank you for it. Your marriage will continue to crumble as long as you try to push standards on these girls/parents.
Sad but true. They are all happy in their dysfunctional ways and lifestyle... it's you who isn't. You can't 'fix' others when they don't want to be fixed.
"While it appears they are
"While it appears they are tearing your marriage apart from the outside, they would SURELY tear it apart from within. And your kids along with it."
Well said!
It's almost like you know my
It's almost like you know my husband! He's a good man but before me he lived only for his kids-no friends interests anything of his own.
Had no boundaries and then I come along and it was good at first with the kids but gradually got worse as I tried to establish any kind of rules.
thank you all for the
thank you all for the advice-very similar to what my friends have said and also what i have come to realize. unfortunately, going through this is very isolating and at times you start to question your own reality-i know in my head what probably needs to happen it's just i'm not ready to comes to grips with that. seriously though, why are divorced dads so unwillinging to set boundaries with their children-i don't get this!!! men step up to the plate!