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Estranged Step daughter back

Mrsmetheny0802's picture

My 15 year old SD has been estranged for m from us almost 2 years ( most of the time we've been married) and has suddenly decided she wants to be a part of our family again. I highly suspect that has a lot to do with the fact that we just bought her sister a car and are getting ready to pay for her college. I've watched the hateful way she has tormented her father, literally breaking his heart. She has hurt my son ( much younger than her) and has been nothing but disruptive the hand full of times we have seen her. Frankly, I don't like her or want her around but her father has missed her so much he's absolutely thrilled. How do I make sure that this doesn't become all about her and that she understands she doesn't get to walk in after all this time and be the princess who gets everything she wants. And more than that, how do I stop hating her for how much she's hurt the people I love most??

sammigirl's picture

This is exactly the pattern my YSS took for years. DH and I met when YSS was 15; same story. What YSS15 couldn't get from BM, he was at our doorstep asking and receiving (we're helping him get thru the divorce excuse). YSS was also going in and out of the juvenile system, later the adult justice system; he was wrecking our cars, breaking into our home while we were away, running up our phone bill, on and on. Long story short; YSS went to prison, spent 15 years (30 sentenced), and now is out. He is located in a neighboring State (Thank God) and is on Parole.

I was never engaged with YSS, and YSS had no respect for me, ever. I observed DH handle it for years. Now YSS52 was released from Prison (1 year next month.) I set some heavy boundaries, mostly because DH is disabled and very vulnerable to his kids. Boundaries were discussed with DH. No car, no $$$ from us, no staying in our home alone, and absolutely no aid from us; YSS52 is on his own. You guessed it! I am the B@#@#@ of the century and the meanest SM ever. Who cares???

My point is; discuss it NOW with your DH and set some boundaries that everyone can follow. Don't let this game begin without all your plays mapped out.

Good luck.

Mrsmetheny0802's picture

Thanks everyone. I think the hardest part here for me is how much my DH is blind to her scheme. Prior to our marriage, they were super close, and I think all he sees is a chance to get his daughter back, however that happens and whatever hoops we have to jump through or what it costs us, financially or emotionally. He's not willing to set any boundaries for her, but I'm not willing to let her keep creating havoc in my household. And truthfully, it's to the point I dont like her or want her around. I feel terrible for having that kind of distaste for a child, particularly his child, but I'm just not sure what to do. If there's a chance they can have a good (healthy) relationship, I dont want to hinder that, but I don't trust or like this child or her behavior. I feel like it is a lose / lose for me.