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Easing Transition Attitudes

scifimom's picture

How do you deal with Transitions?

We have shared custody (+40%).

We transition through a 3rd party as much as possible - daycare/school. However, the kids usually come to us with huge attitude (ss9, sd6) - like the most angsty teenagers crammed into little bodies. They're mouthy, cocky, arrogant, disrespectful know-it-alls, etc, etc, etc. If DH and BM are in a dispute it's even worse as she takes out her issues in front of/with the kids and they come to us with her extra baggage.

By the end of the first night (and some weeks the only night), we've got them decompressed back to reasonably well-behaved, well-mannered kids.

It's not that they don't want to be with us. In fact ss9 is having a lot of emotional issues stemming from being apart from DH and the daycare workers literally have to pull sd6 off of DH when he drops her to daycare to go back to BM.

I think it's the difference in parental personalities that is more the problem here. DH (and anyone that knows BM) says that she is a rude, arrogant, self-important, spoiled narcissist. DH is a sweet, caring, gentle, funny, fun-loving father. You can see her in them on day 1 and him in them once they decompress from the transition.

Any advice on handling transitional attitude issues or just transitions in general?

LAMomma's picture

We take a no nonsense approach. We had issues with my kids when they'd go to their Dad's then come back.. They'd be whiney, talk back, etc. We nip it in the bud when they get into the car with telling them it's not acceptable and we move on. I'll ask them what they did and just generally try to get them to talk and interact. Usually by the next day they're much better.

With my husband's kids his oldest who is 6 gets moody on transitions. We just give her space and she comes around when she's ready. By the next morning she is good to go and gets it out of her system. It depends on the kid.

oneoffour's picture

My Grand daughter (8 yrs) gets a few hours to get back into the swing of her other home. Her father now has a stepson and 2 little ones of his own with SM (under 2) and another one on the way. So their life is pretty hectic. DD and SF have one son and the kids have their own albeit small rooms in their starter home.
She gets tearful and sad and will ring me up and cry for a while. but I tell her it will be OK, have a big drink of cold water and relax on your bed for 45 mins and you will feel much better. And she does and she is OK again.

All kids need some re-adjustment time. Just address the rules and i like the idea of running in a park for a while. Just don't forget to bring them home with you!