No Christian values in ungrateful step daughter
Hey guys
Could use some advice on how to approach this? My partner of three years comes from a fairly religious background and has raised his children Catholic - I myself do not come from a religious background and was simply raised with the 'treat others as you want to be treated' mantra.
My partner has two children - a boy who is nine and girl who is seven - she has always been a bit of a diva but I don't really get involved much because I would like for her to be assertive as she gets older and really they are not my children to discipline really
An incident has happened over Xmas which has left me fuming - I do Xmas presents for them because they are young and want to do them - this year I bought pjs and a book for each of the children at cost of approx 50 euro to myself. I placed the presents under tree and when they were being given out the little boy said thank you etc.
When it got to the girls turn she said oh I know it's clothes/book cause I felt them earlier- then she looked at the card which said happy Xmas from myself on it
She then informs me that ' you can't write Xmas on a card cause the priest in mass told her it takes the Christ out of Xmas'. I said to her that not all people believe the same as her so maybe they write it differently
To this my partner replied 'well if you don't believe in Christ you shouldn't celebrate Christmas '. So he basically defended her and I was left feeling totally judged
She never once in all the time of the present opening said thank you and spent most of the time complaining that there were so many presents for her daddy despite the fact that she has Santa plus her mother and grandparents in the next few days
I know logically it is silly being angry at this but I think a little gratitude would go a long way. And I think the only thing a child should say or be encouraged to say after getting a present is thank you
I want to speak with my partner about this without coming across whiny and bitter so I would like some advice on approaching it
Guys thank you I have spent
Guys thank you I have spent the day feeling like the most awful person for basically being angry with a seven year old. At least I know I am not completely off the bat!
Partner needs to teach
Partner needs to teach manners. Your answer to her was perfect. She's seven. Seven year olds don't understand sermons fully or social conventions. They need to be taught.
As to your partner's statement. If he feels non Christians should not celebrate Christmas, I'd take him at his word. Next year no gifts to him and kids from you.
And if he feels that way about Christmas, I wouldn't want to celebrate other Christian holidays. So I would not buy any Easter gifts either. He can do th he Easter bunny things by himself.
Duplicate
Duplicate
Well, your partner is an ass.
Well, your partner is an ass. Beyond that I think you know what you should do.
Good luck. Take care of you.
Sueu2 has some very valid
Sueu2 has some very valid observations, however, I have found that I HAVE has success having these discussions with my DH.
Often in situations like this, my dolt headed DH isn't consciously aware of how his response to a situation undermined me. I hope you can bring this up with your BF in a way that he sees how his "message" to his daughter was lacking and inappropriate.
In my family when you give a
In my family when you give a small child a gift you stand there and wait for them to say thank you. If they don't say it you ask them to say it. That is how my parents trained me to say thank you and that is how I train my kids to say thank you. And yes I thank them for saying thank you. You have to be proactive in teaching kids these good habits otherwise how else are they going to learn them?
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the comments. I would love to know how people have dealt with this in the past and maybe got their partner to listen. I am sure many can hear my frustration and anger here. I am always afraid to overstep the mark into parenting and discipline with his kids because they are not mine.
But I will definitely be taking all advice in terms of gift giving and not be buying anymore gifts - it's her communion later this year and I prob would have contributed something towards the dress/shoes etc- now I will not bother. I am a student who works as a healthcare assistant so I work very hard for my money and will no longer waste it on this family.
Any advice on the exact way to have conversation would be really helpful thanks !!!
First, the X isn't taking out
First, the X isn't taking out Christ is Christmas. That priest needs to learn the origins of his own religion. The X is shorthand for a symbol that literally means Christ.
Anywho...
That was flat out wrong to not just speak against your beliefs, but to not step up as a parent when his kid is acting like a diva.
I would have taken the gift and walked away. I know it's not as easy as that. But if she doesn't appreciate it then she doesn't deserve it.
That whole scene honestly is beyond discipline and parenting and religion...it's about basic respect. She doesn't have to love you but she needs to respect you as caring adult in her life. She's using her religion as an excuse for being a brat.
Next holiday maybe just do a nice card, so it's not cold turkey "you were a brat you get nothing". I'm honestly not sure, looking forward to see what others say.
I agree with those who have
I agree with those who have said no more gifts. Buy the boy a gift and not her because she was such a brat about it. She may even fake nice just because she wants the gift but I would rather have fake nice that that ungrateful crap.
I cant comment so much on the Christ and Christmas part. Literally one of the reasons I cannot have a facebook, it just makes me so angry.
BUT, when my DP and I first got together I made it clear to him that WE were the team and even if we didn't agree with the other partner, we should always stand as a team and then discuss it later. Maybe you need to let your H know that next time he needs to back you up and then discuss his true feelings with you later, no in front of the kids.