I tried to be nice and it bit me in the @ss
SD13 finally got her act together this year and got her grades up. It was probably we threatened to not pay for her precious cell phone if she failed a bunch of classes again. I have gotten along with her pretty well for the past month and offered to buy her a dress for the dance she is attending Friday. I took her to the mall last weekend and she picked a dress from Rue 21 and said she loved it. Keep in mind she picked it out. DH checks her social occasionally saw a conversation between her and one of her male friends. Suddenly she hated the dress and doesn't want to wear it. WTF? She picked it out. My only thought is that her waste of space mother told her it looked bad on her because she has pulled BS like that before. She doesn't want us to buy clothes for the kids, but readily asks DH for extra money to do it herself. DH said he would discuss it with SD13 but I doubt it. Do I keep my mouth shut or let her have it when she comes down next?
Being nice always bites steps
Being nice always bites steps in the ass. No matter what. I wouldn't say anything to her. What's the point? But I'd never do anything nice for her again. Don't buy her anything, don't do her any favors, nothing.
And I'd return the dress and use the money to buy something nice for myself!
Yep. Return the dress. Buy
Yep. Return the dress. Buy nothing else.
I'd sit down and talk to her.
I'd sit down and talk to her. Ask her what's wrong with it, why she liked it in the store but not now. Don't be aggressive or angry just talk to her. She might open up and you might be able to help her see that other opinions don't matter. I'm sure that she won't wear the dress but a least you'll have opened a dialogue with her.
The only thing that matters to teenagers is that they fit in. I read an article that said the need to be popular was stronger than the need to preserve their life. So her brain is telling her it would be better to be dead than be seen in a dress that others don't like. It's horrible if that's coming from her mother but there it is.
OMG - I get this. You cannot
OMG - I get this.
You cannot buy things for skids!
I try to buy only little things here and there and THAT always fails too!
I've stopped with most items for SD11 because of things like this:
1) $5 can of paint for her art class needed for a last minute project...DP not available to buy. After some discussion I agree. What happens? She NEVER uses it and instead gives it to another kid in the class. I let this one go since the can will be donated to the art class in general. She knew I would be pissed but it came out in a discussion recently about her art project.
2) $13 for a school fundraiser for a "promotional item" - did I ever receive item? Not to date. I will ask her this week if the items came in...if she decided to not deal with it then she owes me $13 (check was cashed by the school).
So I am not ever buying things for SD11 again no matter how small the purchase. I have scaled back and scaled back the expenses (or if I spend, DP reimburses me every time) to the point where even $5 backfires! Xmas is the exception but I put a strict limit on what I'm getting her and DP knows about it.
I asked SD11 about the school
I asked SD11 about the school fundraiser items.
"Hey, SD11, whatever happened to the fundraiser items? People at my workplace have had their deliveries from various schools already so I would think you'd have yours by now."
Answer: Oh, I don't know, I haven't heard anything.
"I think you need to check with your homeroom teacher. She should know or let you know who to talk to. There were a lot of people you sold things to and they likely are waiting for their items, so you need to find out. I am counting on my things for the holidays for everyone."
Answer: Ok, yeah, my mom ordered stuff too. I'll check.
So I get to ask again tonight. This is the second time I've asked with the same answer of 'I don't know.' I'll bet she wasn't paying attention or ignored instructions because she didn't want to deal with it. If she still doesn't know by tonight I'll let her know that if I don't have an estimated delivery date or the paid for item by the end of next week, she'll owe me the money I paid.
I stopped buying things for
I stopped buying things for sd early on when I realized those things would end up at her mother's house and they would never be seen again. Whatever her father buys for her ends ups not being good enough and her mother buys her something better.
If I were you, I would return that dress and buy something for yourself. I would never take her shopping again.
I bought the 3 brats an ATV
I bought the 3 brats an ATV for Christmas of 2006
This pissed off the Girhippo
First she questioned the quality of the helmets (they were brand new excellent mfg.)
Then she spoiled the surprise; by this,time 2 1/5 years of solid PAS had been taking place
The brats ended up breaking all the safety rules
We were "rewarded" by having CPS called on us the following summer because dad had them empty their bed room waste paper baskets, pick up twigs for 20 min and scolded them for kicking each other in the face
At the time the oldest one was 9 1/2. Oh and the BM IS a CPS worker
The toxic opposition gets no
The toxic opposition gets no say, warning, or even an opinion on what we decide to do in our side of the blended family equation.
Why would anyone give a shit what they think, say, feel, etc.... They get not say, no consideration, no opinion about what the kid gets or what is done with the kid on our time... PERIOD!! EVER!!!
And for sure the are not told before hand about a gift we choose to give a kid in our home, our family, on our time, and on our dime. In fact they should not be told at all unless the kid chooses to tell them and then if the opposition gets toxic the kid is seasoned with the facts of their toxic crap so that the kid clearly understands that the issue is on the other side of the blended family fense and the kid can start to learn how to use facts, analysis, and sound judgement to be able to protect themselves from the shallow and polluted end of their own gene pool.
IMHO of course.