Talk me down
My 21 year old Sd called me a c&$@ and said she hated me her whole life a few weeks ago. She never wanted to see me or my husband again except we're supposed to keep paying for her phone and car.We got through thanksgiving quite happily w/out her. My husband cleaned out all the remnants she left behind when she moved out a couple years ago. We are coming up to my husband's bday in a couple days, and I'm starting to feel bad that she won't be there. My husband's parents will be all over this and ask why because they are her biggest supporters and my mil has bad mouthed me for years. (She's apologized profusely since but I don't feel like she means it.) I am in remission from late stage ovarian cancer which could resurface at any time. I want to leave things right. I don't want to spend my next lives dealing with my sd. If I ask her to come, she can say no and spew some more venum my way, but at least I tried. I haven't talked to my husband about this. I know it might be better to leave it alone.
She is an adult. Any
She is an adult. Any relationship she wants to have with her dad is between them. You certainly don't ever have to have anything to do with her again.
I understand the "wanting to leave things right" but you have done nothing wrong and you don't have to have someone like her in your circle.
"I'm starting to feel bad
"I'm starting to feel bad that she won't be there." You got through Thanksgiving without SD's negativity. You can get through your DH's birthday without her presence also. And the more 'celebrations' you have without her toxicity the better it gets. If you need to disengage from your MIL to make your life happy please do it. Every day of your life is a gift - make it special. (((HUGS)))
When someone shows you who
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. She's shown you who she is.
Why do you think you aren't leaving things right? It her who's in the wrong, not you. The sooner you realize that the better off you'll be.
Tell your in laws exactly what she's said and if they are in fact her biggest supporters perhaps they'll want to cover the cost of her phone and car?
You're in remission. Do you
You're in remission. Do you really want that negativity in your life??
The relationship between your SD and your H is up to them. If he hasn't asked you to include her, then he obviously doesn't want her there.
Your answer as to why your SD isn't there?
"You'll have to ask SD. Would you like some more cake?"
I agree with all the above
I agree with all the above responses. Leave guilt behind. Her craziness is not your fault or problem.
It's sickening, isn't it???
It's sickening, isn't it??? Geesh, they can say whatever they want and they will get the support of whoever....inlaws, bio parents, etc and who gets blamed? The SM of course!!!!!ONLY and ONLY if these blood relatives could walk a day in our shoes and deal what we have dealt with there is no way they would support it and I think ONLY then would they know what we have been thru.
One time sitting in my counselor's office I was complaining about a similar situation. His response....feed into their doubt, don't give them information or explain yourself.....tell them, "Oh yeah and you have not heard half the story!" He was a quite the character!!!
This stuff is infuriating and you have a right to feel the way you do. What family doesn't get is that by supporting this young lady who wants to be hateful towards you they are allowing her disrespect. What they should be doing instead is trying to help her accept and understand you. Otherwise they are only contributing to the families in the step family.
Do not guilt or question yourself. Maybe you and hubby should make plans to go away by yourselves for his bday, forget the whole freakin family and just enjoy it the two of you!!!!
You are right. Just reading
You are right. Just reading these comments makes me want to cry. I get love and support from my dh, my son, my stepson, my mom, and my friends. I have to focus on these people-not the inlaws or sd.
Maybe she's using voice text.
Maybe she's using voice text. Mine changes all my cuss words to the first letter and symbols. It makes me mad!!
It's just not a word I ever
It's just not a word I ever use. I'm more comfortable with bitch
Regardless of the biological
Regardless of the biological relationship toxic people are not tolerated. PERIOD!!!
Cut her loose and quit amplifying the drama by actively feeling guilty about the antics of the shallow and polluted element of your DH's gene pool.
NO TOLERANCE!!!!!
Considering your health
Considering your health situation you need to stay away from drama
OK, I took all of your advice
OK, I took all of your advice and it worked out great. I invited my stepson from my first marriage(his father died in a car accident 20 years ago) and he brought his housemate and we all had a nice time! No drama. My in-laws couldn't misbehave in front of others. The only thing that gives me pause is my son. He is 16 and my stepson was saying he needed a babysitter. My son reminded me that his sister babysits. It must be odd to be raised with someone and they suddenly disappear. I'm not sure how to handle it. Usually I will say something like there is an issue with your sister, do you want to know about it?and he says no.