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Argument about SS sharing the bed

Annieswholelife's picture

My issue is that my boyfriends son(6) is in constant need of attention when he is around his father and I. I understand he doesn't get to see him a lot (once a week and every other weekend). My issue is that when it comes to sleeping my comfort takes a backseat to his. Over a holiday we stayed at my bfs moms with one queen bed to share. Since my bf put his son to bed before we went to bed I was left to sleep on the couch, while my bf and his son shared the bed. Also when we are at home the 6year old will come into bed about an hour before wake up time. I have told my bf that this makes me uncomfortable since sometimes I will have little clothes on and bc our bed is our thing together. He thinks I am overreacting and the discussions we have about it have led to me compromising on that. Very recently his son joined our bed at 2am and was waking up every 20mins and sniffling and waking me up. I had a hard time falling asleep that night and got upset and slept on the couch. My bf knows I cannot sleep while his son is in the bed but still thinks that this is my issue. His mom even said that every family is different when I told them my sister will not have any of her 3 young kids in her bed. It seems that my comfort and need to sleep (I work nights managing a busy restaurant) are not important when it comes to my sons needs. Also when i decided to move back to bed after they had woken up I saw that was now impossible since his son had wet the bed. Any advice or understanding to my side of the situation? Or is the couch my new bed?

Shaman29's picture

There are a lot of opinions regarding co-sleeping but my personal feeling is kids belong in their own beds. The exception being newborns and infants.

You've already talked to him. You told him you're uncomfortable with his kid being in your bed. He ignored you. Your BF sees nothing wrong with it (which means you're still having sex with him regardless) and is not going to change his routine (because you're giving into everything he wants).

You have two options.

Continue things as they are because you know they're not going to change.

Sleep on the sofa until you have saved enough to find a place of your own and move out.

Honestly, this guy doesn't sound like a keeper and if I were in your shoes, I'd move on and find someone better.

Last In Line's picture

This is just the start! You already take a back-seat to this child. That will not improve. You have talked to him about it, and nothing has changed. Tell him it's a deal breaker and you won't put up with it any longer. There are guys out there without kids that will make you first on their priority list, and there are guys with kids who know how to and are willing to parent. I'd find one of them.

onthefence2's picture

Do you think things will change if/when you marry? Because either he is just a complete ass, or he sees you as "just" a girlfriend who in NO WAY comes before a blood child. If you were his wife, would he view you differently? I mean, some people look at it the same either way, but he may not. He may feel you aren't marriage material and will never be a permanent fixture in his/his son's life, so he can treat you like crap and still get some. Or like I said, he's a complete ass. I wouldn't wait around to find out.

Stormyweather's picture

We've had discussions which led to me compromising on that..... You mean you gave in and your BF continues to get his own way!!

Where was the compromise?

Your BF knows you don't mean business as you always give in. Why should he change or try to accommodate you in anyway as you always give in!!

Think about it! Stop giving in and rewarding your BF for treating you disrespcfaully!! Start making boundaries for yourself and if he can't meet them, walk.

notasm3's picture

How much clearer could he be that you are just a booty call - when he doesn't have his son to snuggle with.

hereiam's picture

is the couch my new bed?

My new bed would be king size and in my own apartment.

How long have you been with this guy? Has he always let his son sleep with him?

thisisnotmocking's picture

^^^^yes!!

Rags's picture

Yep, here is some advice. Inform, do not discuss, that if the spawn tries to enter your relationship bed ever again and BF does not immediately remove the spawn to his own bed that he and the Spawn are gone. PERIOD. No compromise, no discussion, it is a fact and BF violates that fact at his own peril.

BF's behavior on this issue alone tells the value he has for you and the status of irrelevance you have in his life and where you stand in his list of priorities. You are his SO and you and his relationship with you should be the only unequivocal priority. PERIOD!!! If he is not making you his only priority at this early stage of the relationship he will never make you a priority and you will live the entire relationship as subservient to his spawn.

There are things that are discussed in a relationship. Investments, where to go on vacation, difficulties at work, what house or cars to buy, how to support aging parents, how to discipline and raise children, minor disagreements, etc.. Then there are things that are not discussed because an equity life partnership between two viable adults makes them non issues. If they are an issue then one or the other of the partners is either not a viable adult or does not consider the other to be an equity life partner. I think that in the case of your BF, both of those disqualifiers likely apply.

This bed invading pisser of a Skid is one of those issues that should not require any discussion. A kid that pisses in the relationship bed to mark his territory and repeatedly invades that bed is not a topic for discussion. This kid is 6 not 2. It is a behavior that must be confronted and destroyed immediately with Zero tolerance. An adult who would spin this as an issue that belongs to their partner rather than dealing with the pissing spawn immediately, directly, and repeatedly is not a viable adult and definitely does not consider their SO to be either an equity life partner or the top unequaled priority that an equity life partner should be.

All IMHO of course.

Take care of you.